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We've had some recent discussions on the idea of wanting "closure" and of finding "true answers" before feeling like we can move on. It also seems that INFJs expect a great deal of emotional depth from others, especially in relationship situations. Perhaps not surprising-- I remember reading somewhere online that INFJs are the single MOST "self disclosing" of all MB types.
Now I am wondering if any/all of these things have been a source of frustration in your relationships? Or even have been the cause of relationship failures?
I know I have experienced many moments of frustration, when someone's basic "we need to talk!" has turned about-face and become "I can't talk about that!" once we scratch below the surface of the Truth. I know I have been left feeling empty when someone claiming to want a "deep" level of intimacy has started running for the hills, long before getting to my impression of what constitutes "deep." I want to be "with" people on a very deep soul/essence level.... yet 99% of the world finds that "invasive" and "uncomfortable," EVEN IF they claim otherwise. I want to be with someone's REAL truth (good or bad) not the "socially acceptable" truth they wear as a mask. I'm really OK with someone's fears and phobias, as long as they come from an authentic place. But it feels like people are often "hiding," and there's this strange incongruence/dissonance, because I seem able to "intuit" what's *really* going on inside them... but they "can't go there." And then I feel "disconnected."
Maybe it's not an "INFJ thing," at all-- maybe it's a "me" thing. I'm also an enneagram Nine, and we have a root desire to "merge" with those close to us.
Just curious, though.
--Peter
Now I am wondering if any/all of these things have been a source of frustration in your relationships? Or even have been the cause of relationship failures?
I know I have experienced many moments of frustration, when someone's basic "we need to talk!" has turned about-face and become "I can't talk about that!" once we scratch below the surface of the Truth. I know I have been left feeling empty when someone claiming to want a "deep" level of intimacy has started running for the hills, long before getting to my impression of what constitutes "deep." I want to be "with" people on a very deep soul/essence level.... yet 99% of the world finds that "invasive" and "uncomfortable," EVEN IF they claim otherwise. I want to be with someone's REAL truth (good or bad) not the "socially acceptable" truth they wear as a mask. I'm really OK with someone's fears and phobias, as long as they come from an authentic place. But it feels like people are often "hiding," and there's this strange incongruence/dissonance, because I seem able to "intuit" what's *really* going on inside them... but they "can't go there." And then I feel "disconnected."
Maybe it's not an "INFJ thing," at all-- maybe it's a "me" thing. I'm also an enneagram Nine, and we have a root desire to "merge" with those close to us.
Just curious, though.
--Peter
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, August 3, 2005 - 10:15 AMMmmhmmm. Mmmhmmm. Mmmmmmmhmm.
If I can't relate to a person emotionally, it's no good. If a person won't allow me to see them react in an emotional way... I feel like I'm being lied to. Then I become afraid to express my own self emotionally because the other person would label me as "drama queen" or "irrational." Then I start to close myself off from the person because I no longer feel safe.
I've found a lot of people aren't ok with anger. They think anything expressed in anger will be destructive. So they close themselves off from it.. And only allow themselves to express it when they're in the closet. That doesn't jive with me at all.
I've also had experiences with people who stressed communicating EVERY detail. I can't thrive in those situations because I begin to feel trapped. And when I'm not able to communicate everything adequately, I feel like the liar. That bumps heads with my sense of integrity. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Tue, July 1, 2008 - 9:33 PMHey Leah,
I also have a strong need for emotional connection. What is interesting is that I have attracted more than one guy who has almost an impossible time connecting emotionally, while at the same time being attracted to my deep empathy. I wish I could explain this better. But it is like I have a magnet for people who don't know what to do with their emotions or with other peoples. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, July 2, 2008 - 2:51 PMYES! I am a magnet for people who are emotionally vacant or closed off.
I've met a total of one clingy man in my entire life. MET, not dated...clearly, i can't date someone I've never met. But all the time, i hear women complaining about men who are clingy and possessive and I'm wondering where all these men are, because all I find are these men who are like...not ever emotionally present. Nothing affects them. It's like they're robots.
I'd love to find a whole stash of men who are emotional, in touch with themselves, and a-rarin' to give of themselves emotionally. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Sat, July 12, 2008 - 7:05 PMLexie, you said....."all I find are these men who are like...not ever emotionally present. Nothing affects them. It's like they're robots. "
yes, yes, yes
They wear a tough shell; that's how they protect themself. I find this occurs after they've been deeply hurt in their life.... they choose not to "feel" anymore because they don't trust their own ability to handle the pain (if they experience it again). Usually these are the same types that must have "fun" constantly, and never want to hear anything negative. They live in their own little world. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, July 16, 2008 - 6:35 AMTheir brains are unplugged too.
Hello, right hemisphere calling left hemisphere...do you read me? hello, hello....Do you read me?
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, August 3, 2005 - 1:38 PMthe word "incongruence" struck a chord with me. i do think that we expect alot from others, mainly b/c we do see thru the socially constructed veneer that most people accept in themselves as reality. its all the more frustrating for us, b/c (i think for me anyway) we expect that if we see it, that the person who is displaying the trait will see it also. but i don't think thats the case, alot of the time. i have had more than one partner get angry at me b/c they say i am invalidating their feelings by calling them on what they are saying....only for them to later come back and fess up once they have done a soulsearching examination of the issue - if they can. most people don't seem to have the depth or capacity for what seems to us to be second nature.
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Unsu...
off the deep end
Wed, August 3, 2005 - 4:33 PMHi Peter,
Did you find my letters (or journal entries) and read each one out loud? For the past several days, I have been obsessed with my desire for depth and plagued by fears that I may never find it -- at least not of the *intensity* and *duration* that I crave.
I believe that I have mentioned several times in this forum -- as well as in my profile -- that I can't abide water-cooler chit chat. I think it's because I find it utterly exhausting to pretend to be interested in something that I'm not ("So your mother accidentally got disenrolled from Medicare? What a pain.") -- and to get over the nagging feeling that I am just wasting my time shooting the breeze and missing the opportunity to discuss something that will both challenge my mind and intrigue my heart.
I have used many of the words in my profile in personals ads on other websites, including the use of the word DEEPLY all in caps. Can I make myself even *more* perfectly clear? I agree with your observation that we must have different views on what we mean by "deep".
I think I'll finish this glass of sangria and post a blog entry on the topic. Remember, you read it here first...
Denise -
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Re: off the deep end
Wed, August 3, 2005 - 6:16 PMI've had the same issue with the lack of interest in "idle chit-chat"--this becomes even more of an issue when I'm going through a period of depression. I want humour at those times, but not light chat. I withdraw into myself and find it ever more difficult to interact with people on an everyday, superficial level.
I've heard this described as "intensity" as well--the desire to have lively, interesting conversations rather than light banter about last night's karaoke session.
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Unsu...
Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, August 3, 2005 - 6:55 PM<I'm really OK with someone's fears and phobias, as long as they come from an authentic place. But it feels like people are often "hiding," and there's this strange incongruence/dissonance, because I seem able to "intuit" what's *really* going on inside them... but they "can't go there.">
That is very insightful. I've found that some people will shut an INFJ down precisely because they can't believe you could still like them even knowing the "dark places" they conceal from others and themselves. I tend to think honesty and truth-seeking trumps most fear and phobias and leads to a deeper level of connectedness. (Not everyone seeks connectedness on that level.) -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Sat, August 6, 2005 - 12:26 PMsigh.... how I relate to this...
all kinds of "typing"- INFJ, 4/5, core energetics"rigid", empathic, clairsentient et al.
connection, which means authentic vulnerability, in- to- me -you- see, is at the core of my being, and yet, it can also be frightening. ...not only to others, but to me, as well. as a humanoid, i am aware that not all beings are the same as i, and that connection, even deep connection, comes to others in different ways. my closest "teacher" is an INTP, 5/6, scientist, genuis. a good friend is ESTP. What I notice is that everyone has a deep need to be seen and understood, and that all of us has a fear of rejection. FOr my INTP friend, his need to have the world of ideas and concepts and his facination and understanding of symbolism and their universal significance is as great as my desire to have every little nuance of my inner state explored and understood. the microcosm and the macrocosm. I have learned to observe how I feel "more, deeper" etc....and have then judged others for not being as I am and have also felt the pain of separation for my way of being.....and then had to laugh at myself for thinking myself so superior (a real 4 trait) for my "emotional/spiritual depth". My ESTP friend is one of the most rational, logical, almost black and white loving individuals Ive ever met. Ive recieved endless benefits from the type of support and nurturing she gives me when Im wacked out emotionally.
IMO, we are a holographic universe, and although these differences can be super challenging for me, I am in awe of how it all works together in the greater picture. -
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Unsu...
Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Sat, August 6, 2005 - 2:36 PM<IMO, we are a holographic universe>
Interesting. Please tell me more about the Holographic Universe...
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Unsu...
Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Mon, August 8, 2005 - 3:58 PM(Warning: ENTP chiming in)
I would have to say that the world is definitely not black and white, but definitely many shades of all colors in the light spectrum and that it's people like ENTPs that are asking the questions, "Why?". I find my INFJ partner frequently turning my thoughts, ideas, observations against me, however insightful they may be. If my need to talk out loud about ideas and observations could be heard without being taken as "my dictate" or "the law", and that it's my way or no way. That's not my intention at all. I'm just intense. I get into whatever it is I'm discussing out loud, which is often taken by others as confrontational or dictatorial. I recognize I can be insensitive (and have gotten in trouble accordingly), but that doesn't mean I am no extremely sensitive as well (I just seem better at suppressing my hurt some times I guess). In fact, my willingness to be "vulnerable" has receded over time because I am sick of having it turned against me by my INFJ.
(Just wanted to throw that out there to see what kind of response I would get from an INFJ to understand your perspective better.)
Thanks for the opportunity.
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Sat, August 27, 2005 - 12:22 PMSpeaking as a person who recently ended a 25 year relationship: yes closure is extremely important. As a result of the recent work between me and my ex-to-be we will remain lifelong friends. But we both realize we need very different things and have moved on from the spousal relationship.
Will I find a partner in the future who isn't threatened by that? Only time will tell.
As for desiring a deep relationship with someone, but not being afraid to back out it's an easy choice for me. I've been married twice and for over half my life. I know what I like, what I love, what's acceptable in a relationship and what's not. I really don't have time to waste waiting until a partner can get their "stuff" together. I guess you could say I'm more pragmatic than I used to be. Compassionate and kind, yes, but also needing a partner who pulls their own weight in a relationship.
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Sat, September 17, 2005 - 10:56 AM>>I'm really OK with someone's fears and phobias, as long as they come from an authentic place. But it feels like people are often "hiding," and there's this strange incongruence/dissonance, because I seem able to "intuit" what's *really* going on inside them... but they "can't go there." And then I feel "disconnected."<<
I can identify with that, however I also think it goes along with the INFJ tendency to feel we are RIGHT intuitively.
I used to invest a lot of time uncovering and 'sleuthing' to reveal that my hunches and visions were TRUE.
But what I've learned is that it's extremely valuable to take people at face value, and not to elicit 'depth' out of them.
I had an epiphany awhile back where I promised myself I wouldn't try to create relationships with more depth and more 'honesty' any longer, I would simply see what presented itself to me, and learn to take the people who choose to relate to me more at face value. Because as 'right' as I often am, other people are right a lot too. And I've found myself, and other INFJ's I know to be rather controlling emotionally when they've locked sight on a hidden issue that 'needs airing'. Truely, that's playing god. And through having it done to me, I've realized what a hypocrite I am when I do it to other people.
Even with my deepest closest relationships, I have to talk myself away from that ledge a lot. The trouble with being an INFJ, as I've seen it, is we want that depth NOW, and all the time. And non INFJ's don't understand that immediacy or urgency. Quite honestly, I think it's probably unattractive to those who don't understand us very well. If I am continually seeking more depth from those around me, then the outer reflections of my reality are taking more time and attention away from my inner reflections, and I usually find some quiet deep time with my diary is a great way to get that depth WITHOUT pushing at someone else's timeline. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Mon, February 6, 2006 - 7:50 AMWhy,
That was great to read! I've often felt frustrated by others' lack of depth, but in doing so am I saying that my way is superior?
Sometimes I've exhausted myself by wanting too much depth too soon with people who may have been capable, but not in such a relatively short space of time.
Also what I've discovered is that I like the so called superficiality of non INFJs in short bursts, because it CAN be refreshing and uplifting. I'm also beginning to feel that I want more of a lightness of touch with my INFJ friends as well, because it can really get emotionally heavy when we plunge the depths and in fact I've relinquished one or two friendships because they were draining because of that reason.
I've begun to look at different ways to get that depth and find that writing in my journal, on my blog or online contributions to forums like this one, vigorous exercise or Pilates, having Reiki or doing EFT (check www.emofree.com) - helps release a lot of that energy I have(and so "grounds" me), so that my friendships and relationships feel a lot less "charged", but any essential depth still remains.
I loved your take on accepting and seeing what was unfolds and presents itself to you and it resonated so deeply that it's one I've adopted for myself! I think it's about self acceptance and not feeling that anyone of us has the right (or ability) to change others; life is much easier when we just accept who they are and let go of what we think they "ought" to be.
As Katie Byron of "The Work" states:
"When you argue with reality, you lose - but only 100 percent of the time!
Julie -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, April 19, 2006 - 12:58 PMthanks Julie - I posted that so long ago, I was sure nobody read it :)
it's nice to know someone feels similarly...
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, September 21, 2005 - 12:14 PMPeter,
The trouble seems to come when there isn't always "closure". I have a hard time dealing with that, and I'm guilty of over-analyzing every minute detail of what I perceive went wrong. I'm going thru the "let go" lesson these days. Obviously my connection to others is/was deeper than their connection to me, and I need to learn to accept that, let go, and move on.
As far as emotional depth from others... I've pretty much come to the conclusion that 90% of the people in the world are very superficial, have not attempted to examine their "inner world" and are not ready to accept themselves for Who they really are (faults, warts, and all). Any attempt to push them in that direction is sort of like asking them to jump off a cliff without even handing them a pair of Icarus' wings. :)
I also think that most people are far more concerned with outward appearances rather than anything deep or meaningful, and this is especially true in the business world. It's like they're all playing parts they mostly hate just because they think they have to, OR because they're too afraid to be Real because they've never gone there before (not even in the total privacy of their own minds).
I often feel like I am surrounded by relatively ignorant lemmings, who just go along with whatever everyone else expects them to go along with. The idea of "Question Authority" never even seems to enter their minds.
And yes, I'm aware of how all of the above sounds arrogant and condescending, but at this point, that's how I feel. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Thu, September 22, 2005 - 5:32 AMAwww... give people at least a little credit... 90% of the people in the world are not superficial. I think the total is actually much closer to 85% ;) -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Thu, September 22, 2005 - 10:07 AMLMAO!
Thanks, I needed a good laugh today. :)
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Unsu...
What she said
Sun, September 25, 2005 - 1:17 PMAine wrote: "I also think that most people are far more concerned with outward appearances rather than anything deep or meaningful, and this is especially true in the business world. It's like they're all playing parts they mostly hate just because they think they have to..."
Why, we must work in the same office! :-) And as for sounding arrogant and condescending, well, it's difficult not to, no?
Denise
P. S. I apologize for the "Me, too!" post, but Aine has said so eloquently *exactly* what I have felt for so long -- most recently this past Friday afternoon at my temp job, as my brain continued to atrophy and I ached to have just *one* meaningful conversation to redeem the day. -
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Re: What she said
Wed, September 28, 2005 - 12:26 PMDenise, that's why I spend a lot of time online... I realize people can be superficial online too, but meaningfulness isn't as difficult to find here. -
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Re: What she said
Wed, September 28, 2005 - 12:50 PMI think it has a lot to do with the kind of people who are drawn to the online community. Most of the superficial people go off and find something more... well... *superficial* to do. -
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Unsu...
Re: What she said
Thu, September 29, 2005 - 12:11 AMAine
It is not arrogant or condescending at all. I just decided right this minute on the spot that this is the very reason that I do not spend my time socializing in the "regular gay guys'" world. After promising my mother that I would take care of all her finances NO MATTER WHAT while she was ill and had a kidney transplant, and keeping my promise even though it meant making sacrifices that I did not know a person could make, I am unable to relate to anyone who cannot decide what to wear to dinner or who cannot make a committment about anything after the day after tomorrow. AND this is exactly the reason I love tribe.net - the ability to discuss many things very deeply with kindred spirits.
VIVA LA TRIBE.NET -
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Re: What she said
Thu, October 6, 2005 - 11:24 AMI think there was a time that I felt an urgency for intimacy on a deep emotional level. Truthfully, I still do and probably will ALWAYS be that way. It's good to know this, know who you are and what's important to you.
That said, not everyone feels this way. Sure, they might feel this way 5 years into your relationship, but not the day after tomorrow on your second date. It comes down to respect and perspective and frankly the notion that "deep intimacy" is somehow better than anything else is pretty damn arrogant.
The fact is it CAN be intrusive and invasive. Many people hold their private thoughts like prizes. They belong to them and them alone and to presume that you, me or anyone deserves access to those...well think about it.
While there is certainly a lot of value in a deep exchange of emotion and thought, it's not everything and just because others aren't GOOD at it doesn't make them less of a person or deserving of respect.
Here's how I try to look at it. If I am with someone very different from me, rest assured that there is something about that person I value greatly. In fact, it could be something I myself am not good at. Maybe he or she is very social and outgoing. In this case, I would hope that this person recognized that I am NOT very social and outgoing. That they recognize that while I value this is our relationship, that I'm not going to all of a suddent be Mr. Party hat, just because they are. Instead I would hope that, 1) they value who I am for ME and that that is why they are my friend/lover. 2) That any intent to "convert" me into a partygoing socialite is going to take a long time, at BEST.
Now flip it around and apply the same "deep thoughts" aspect to your chit-chatty socialite friend. Are you valuing him or her for who they are, or are you trying to change them?
Most of us don't want to be changed because this is who we are and what works well for us. While intimacy and depth have their place and extreme value, it is not the only way to be, nor is it better.
Just some food for thought. ;)
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Unsu...
Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, April 19, 2006 - 4:38 PMthis is an interesting thread. i am officially an INFP, but test right on the boundary, and sometimes think like an INFJ. i find the deep relationships are the ones i seek out, but i don't feel the need to have all my relationships "deep". in fact, i would find it draining i think, to have to maintain that intimacy in all situations. i do long for more intimacy in my life, but only with my Chosen Ones. the rest i only have the energy for lighter, casual contact with. does this sound like a function of my "P " orientation? or is something else going on?
i do like "closure" though. i find that with those i choose to be deep with, i need or at least want some sort of underlying certainty about the relationship. it can mean nothing more than that we both agree on the value of the relationship, though we may talk only once a year. but if i sense the other has changed the way they feel, regardless of the passage of time, i am devastated and find myself grasping for signals that all remains the same between us. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Thu, April 20, 2006 - 5:45 AMWell, there are two sides to the depth coin. On the one side, it would be a bit draining I suppose if all I had were deep relationships with everyone around me. However, it becomes quite frustrating when you find yourself in a situation where you have nothing but casual relationships with those around you, and you long for a more meaningful relationship that you cannot find. I think that what most of us are looking for is a middle path between the two.
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Unsu...
Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Thu, April 20, 2006 - 9:48 AMi am definitely looking for, if not more deep relationships, at least more contact with those i have the deep relationships with...
but i also crave much more solitude than i currently get. which makes me very irritable about having to accomodate the demands of lighter relationships that seem toimpinge so heavily on my time. there are mid-level friends that i "like" o.k., but i get worn out by the fact theat they want to come over EVERY day after work and just hang around because they can't stand to be alone. how do others deal with this sort of thing? i have tried gentle hints, frank statements, and getting really mad. it seems that most of the world just has no frame of reference for people who like solitude.
the friends i am closest with are more like me in temperment. but even if they hang around awhile, their presence is more serene and doesn't weary me.
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Fri, April 21, 2006 - 12:02 PMYes, I often experience this, but not so much in romantic relationships, actually. More in just everyday people relationships.
Usually I have moved on from the romantic ones if I feel I am not being treated right, not really because of lack of deep communicating. But I often feel held back from knowing others on a "real" level in everyday situations. I think it's a shame people save most of their "intimate" revealing (not talking sexually here) for romantic relationships only.
This will definitely block me from becoming closer to someone as a friend if I feel they won't or can't reveal more of their inner self and vulnerabilities.. but I think do accept that. Mostly I find it disturbing in a work situation when people are so cold and detached from each other. This is why I freelance and won't be part of a full time corporate culture, it is too dissonant for me.. -
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Unsu...
Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Wed, May 3, 2006 - 7:42 AMYes, I have experienced a frustration with superficial relationships since I was a child I think. I remember telling a trusted aunt that "family gatherings" made me uncomfortable because everyone acted so fake, and she did her best to explain that not everyone is ok with or capable of discussion on a deeper level.
I too think it is a shame, as Susan pointed out, that people connect that kind of intimate communication with romantic relationships only. I think the hesitation for many boils down to ignorance of their own deeper selves and fear of being judged and/or the subject of gossip. My experience with some of my closest extrovert friends--God bless them for their warmth and for being the social glue in group settings--is that they just don't journey "inward" very much and consequently don't have the inner experiences or vocabulary to discuss these kinds of things. But they sure are at ease doing things that make me squirm even on a good day....striking up conversations with new people, entertaining and performing, public speaking, and so on. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Mon, July 10, 2006 - 8:35 AMIf you want total INFJ hell, try having a relationship with a pathological narcissist. Since they are frightened to death of intimacy, they may succumb to it momentarily but then will go completely haywire and do or say something that is completely the opposite and then imply you are the crazy one for reacting emotionally to the betrayal.
The natural thing for an INFJ to do is to try and make some sense of it all, but the very nature of the pathology is that there IS no sense and never will be, so the only way of having closure is to finally come to terms with the fact that this person is sick and will likely never get well.
Plus they compartmentalize and manipulate information like there is no tomorrow, which I find completely baffling.
To be honest, lately I feel discouraged about relationships as a whole. It just seems too difficult and too much effort to connect with people on any level and much easier to just be alone and look inward. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Thu, May 17, 2007 - 10:13 AMNot really sure about the pathological narcissist part
But I deal with this see-saw-I want to be close, now I will push you away, now i will drag you back in with some kind of emotional emergency
and sometimes they even get attacking out of the blue for no explainable reason.
Course in every one of these relationships there was severe emotional baggage and issues so I guess I should not have been surprised. I've been pretty much alone for the past year or so-just to recharge. I've dropped out of most interaction-i just don't have the energy for it after some really damaging relationships. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Sat, May 19, 2007 - 9:32 AMI understand the need for alone/recharge time - very much so.
I have had similar experience w/ damaging relationships and also withdrawing from most relationships in general. I like being alone (actually prefer it) - probably too much. Now, after quite awhile of that, though - I feel as if I've become too isolated and am missing out on life and relationships and the growth that comes from being around other people. I am trying to find a way to be more social again, but this has been difficult after such a long time of withdrawing and enjoying time alone.
I think the key (or at least one of them) is learning to identify the red flags of an abusive personality and steering clear of those people - while seeking out those who are more healthy. I also needed to learn about my own unhealthy traits (i.e., withdrawal being a major self defense mechanism for me, learning to say no, etc.) and find different ways of coping. Again, not easy ... but so necessary. Sometimes I have made an absolute ass of myself in the process. But in a lot of ways, I feel better than I have in a very long time - because I took the risk and am living my life the way I want to live it - not how others expect me to be. Reading about and getting help for social anxiety has also helped.
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Fri, May 18, 2007 - 12:28 PM"pathological narcissist" ....
Velveeta - Thanks for that post - I didn't know there was such a thing. Your post got me curious about it and reading about it .... and for the first time I have started to see my way clear to making it out of what you described as 'total INFJ hell'... I really needed that closure! -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Fri, May 30, 2008 - 5:57 AMI just wanted to refer back to what Kalikat said. I think a lot of the frustration for (us) INFJ's stems precisely from the fact that we see inside others and inside ourselves so easily, that it is hard to comprehend that others can't/ don't want to have this insight. I think the problem is also compounded by the rarity of the INFJ type. I for example have never (as far as I know) meet another one in person. If it were possible to get our "depth fix" from a relationship with a fellow INFJ the superficial "watercooler conversations" which Aine mentions would be made a lot easier.... hummm.... no wonder I'm always depressed!!
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Fri, July 4, 2008 - 1:43 PM>>But it feels like people are often "hiding," and there's this strange incongruence/dissonance, because I seem able to "intuit" what's *really* going on inside them... but they "can't go there." And then I feel "disconnected." <<
I absolutely feel like this way SO often. It's incredibly frustrating. And yes yes, even the people who say they want depth get FREAKED by how deep an INFJ wants to go! I know it makes you vulnerable, but nothing else would be satisfying enough for me...I'd always be looking for that level of soul connection. -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Fri, July 11, 2008 - 2:06 PMYeah I can relate to you guys ;) -
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Re: Depth/closure-- relationships
Fri, July 11, 2008 - 2:06 PMI can relate to that!
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