Advertisement
I was in my business speech class one day giving a speech on my INFJ personality. I did really well-the best out of thirty. One guy from South Korea who sat next to me said I did really good and felt like he understood who I am being an INFJ himself. I talked to him about my religion somehow, so he thought I was really well informed and knowledgeable about my religion and invited me to eat lunch with his Christian religous friends. I got weird vibes from him being a little to personal from the start (he is not gay), but me being my at the time nice INFJ self, I humbly accepted the offer. I started eating lunch once a week with them, and we talked about the bible and other everyday stuff. After a while, I felt like I was wasting my time (even though it was only one hour a week) being with these people. They were nice, but i just felt uncomfortable at how personal they were with me (in America people aren't personal anymore). Perhaps it was just some South Korean thing or really religious thing. Anyways, I kind of kept hinting at them that I did not want to spend time with them anymore by continually saying that "I have other things to do", or "I don't feel like coming today". After one of the South Korean guys-another INFJ kept calling me and asking why I don't spend time with them, I eventually just stopped anwering the phone.
Summer came, and he kept calling me, and emailed me asking to eat lunch with him. I responded "okay". A week later I said I did not want to get lunch with him and that I felt uncomfortable-I said this word for word-being around him, and that he should be spending more time with his kids than preaching the gospel to college people. He said he was sorry and thought I was very respectful in saying spend more time with his kids.
I guess my question is, was it okay to basically tell the guy I do not like him and his friends even though they are good people? Also, with pretty much all 4 of them being INFJs (a rarity) is it a little weird for you other INFJs being around other personal INFJs? Is it too personal?
Summer came, and he kept calling me, and emailed me asking to eat lunch with him. I responded "okay". A week later I said I did not want to get lunch with him and that I felt uncomfortable-I said this word for word-being around him, and that he should be spending more time with his kids than preaching the gospel to college people. He said he was sorry and thought I was very respectful in saying spend more time with his kids.
I guess my question is, was it okay to basically tell the guy I do not like him and his friends even though they are good people? Also, with pretty much all 4 of them being INFJs (a rarity) is it a little weird for you other INFJs being around other personal INFJs? Is it too personal?
Advertisement
Advertisement
-
Re: Okay to to say "I don't like you"?
Sat, August 15, 2009 - 12:50 PMYou'd think other INFJs would be great to be around, and maybe so to some people...I find I just get really suspicious of them. Maybe it is being too personal, I'm not sure. I am so gun-shy of being manipulated, because it's so easy for me to fall into that.
I think it was legitimate to say you didn't want to spend time with them - you were just being straightforward and not wasting anyone's time. It sounds like he appreciated that. -
-
Re: Okay to to say "I don't like you"?
Sat, August 15, 2009 - 2:04 PMI think suspicion is a great way to put it anon124. I think it is the fact that INFJs are so honest and choosy with their words, that one (especially other INFJs) wonder if there is some other secret motive of theirs behind everything. I must say, that for me, as an INFJ, there really is always multiple motives behind my words and actions. I never give away my true motive. This is hard to comprehend, and kind of sneaky if you know what I am talking about. -
-
Re: Okay to to say "I don't like you"?
Sat, August 15, 2009 - 4:57 PMI think you're right about the meanings behind the words of an INFJ. I'm am very calculated about how and what I say to people. That's why I prefer to write over speak because it allows me to collect my thoughts and say exactly what I intend to say. I get a bit of anxiety over being put on the spot. I think you're smart for being wary over your new acquaintances because it's the heart of an INFJ that show their true motives.
-
Re: Okay to to say "I don't like you"?
Mon, August 17, 2009 - 11:58 AM))"I must say, that for me, as an INFJ, there really is always multiple motives behind my words and actions."((
I feel the same as you guys, I like to play things close to my chest even as I am being supportive to others. It's almost as if I am very protective of my inner sanctum. I actually have a bumper sticker on our van that reads "I have an ulterior motive to my hidden agenda." My husband and I laughed so hard when we saw it, others didn't find it that funny. We had to add it next to his sticker "I do whatever my Rice Crispies tell me to. A perfect INFJ and ENTP bumper sticker set.
Ed I think that was a wonderful thing to be that respectful and honest. I guess because we are often find it so important to be in our integrity we are cautious because we really don't like to end up in these kind of situations. Other may just yell at the person and be done with it but I know for me I'd have to handle it more like you then I'd be even more cautious connecting with the next person.
-
-
-
Re: Okay to to say "I don't like you"?
Wed, August 19, 2009 - 10:56 AMThis is a good topic. I think a group of 4 INFJ's a little much. Statistically only 1-3% of the world are INFJs and if there are 4 that find each other and are friends, that is pretty amazing. I think group mentality starts to take place though, and I would feel uncomfortable around people getting that personal especially if they disguise their "friendliness" as an agenda to do something else (like convert you to their beliefs / religion). I even have a friend who because of his culture, he is from Turkey, I don't really appreciate some of the things he says to me. I'll say no. And then I'll have to reword it and say it 3 times, and really, that is too much. That is like high-pressured sales tactics to be pushing something for the third time. I have come to accept that some people are the way they are, and I can't really ask them to change who they are, but I can distance myself from them. I definitely don't hang out with this particular friend unless I am mentally strong and able to handle his pressuring... but on my end it's definitely unappreciated. -
-
Re: Okay to to say "I don't like you"?
Fri, August 21, 2009 - 8:24 AMI'm with you Nicole, I step away from anyone who is too pushy no matter what their agenda is. I've had many people try to convert me because they see that I'm a good listener and they mistake that for me feeling lost. Being around different cultures I understand that things have to be worded differently but still it is important in a friend that they do actually respect me enough to respect my boundaries as I will with them.
It may be an INFJ trait to have many levels and be inquisitive but it is simply an 'unaware' human trait to be disrespectful and insensitive. -
-
Re: Okay to to say "I don't like you"?
Fri, August 21, 2009 - 2:11 PMGood point about the good listener. People do mistake me I think for being lost. But, can you blame them? INFJs are always somewhat lost, since they see so many different invisible pathways to different possibilities. -
-
Re: Okay to to say "I don't like you"?
Fri, August 21, 2009 - 2:23 PM"Not all who wander are lost" ;D I love that bumper sticker.
I think I only feel lost when I expect myself to chose a side or a single path when I don't feel drawn to boxing myself into one yet. So many paths so much time *sigh*
-
-
-
