There is NO WAY THAT I KNOW OF to tell if an INFJ man is interested in a woman without the woman getting humiliated by pursuing him or by directly telling him you are interested.

INFJs are highly unpredictable. One day they may be feeling great, the next sad.

I suppose if he told you he likes you, then he means it. He will not say something he does not mean.

Besides, Rarebird, if he is not ready for a relationship, then why force him into one? An INFJ be all or nothing. If he does not want to be with you, and he is forced to be with you, he will get ancy and let you know it.

What are your intentions with this man? If you were to get into a relationship, is marriage a possibility? This sounds like I get ahead of myself, by INFJs think like this. If he gets into a relationship with you, that likely (99.999%) means that he considers you as a possible marraige partner. He will not waste time.

Okay, Rarebird, it's real simple. If you want to go out with this guy, then quit waffling and go for it. Here's your step-by-step instructions for how to proceed.

Don't worry about what everyone on here says about what the optimum personality match is. INFJ/INFP relationships can work out wonderfully. I dated one for 5 years and it was one of the most functional relationships I ever had. We were both very happy, spent lots of time cuddling on the cough watching old movie, and did a lot of fun one-on-one things together. My best friend since childhood is an INFP (he is currently happily married to an ENTJ with four kids, but that's another story). However, an INFP/INFJ relationship can feel like dating your best friend. Some folks love that, other folks find that unsatisfying. It all comes down to personal preference. If you think you would like that, then go for it. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT, even if you both decide it's not what you are looking for. It's really not that complicated.

If you are worried about himiliating yourself, then my advice is also really simple: don't do anything humiliating. Don't show up for work with a giant teddy bear and a dozen helium balloons along with chocolares, flowers, and everything else. Don't sing any songs or hire a mariachi band. Don't drop to your knees and recite sonnets.

Here's what you say (write this down or print it out and take it with you as a study guide): "Hi, Kevin (or whatever his name is). How's it going? Good. Me? I'm doing fine, too, thanks. Y'know, I was thinking we've been friends for a long time now, but I really don't know you that well. You're a really interesting guy, and I'd like to get to know you better. Would you like to go grab a bite to eat sometime so we can sit and chat? Just the two of us, because it's hard to find time to really talk with all these people around at work."

(Honestly, was that so hard??? That's not even pursuing.)

At this point, he can say one of three things:

(1) Kevin: "Oh, uh, I'm really busy with work, and, uh, I don't know. Plus, I've got to feed my fish, and my cat gets really lonely if I'm gone." --This means he's really not itnerested. So you say, "No problem. Well, I gotta get back to work. See ya!" And you aren't humiliated at all, because the whole thing was strictly casual.

(2) Kevin: "Sure! I'd love to hang out with you sometime." This means he's interested and intrigued. You have his attention. So you say: "Well, I don't have any plans yet this weekend, so I was thinking that maybe friday night after work if you give me an hour or so to run home and freshen up a bit I'd be happy to meet you at Applebees or something. Do you like Applebees? Or even better, there's this new Itallian place over on 15th street that I've been dying to try. Wanna give it a shot? 6:30 okay with you? Cool! I'm looking forward to it! Well, gotta run, but we can chat more later."

(3) Kevin: "What, you mean like, a date?" Ha! He just gave away all his cards! You totally own him now. He's taken the bait hook, line, and sinker. You are in total control, and he hasn't got a clue. This is a good thing. Now you say, "Oh, so it's a date now, eh?" and give your most mysterious smile. He'll look awkward and embarassed, so you jump back in with, "Seriously, I'd like to get hang out with you sometime. Since I'm free this weekend, I was thinking maybe friday night after work if you give me an hour or so to... etc."

Anyway, the next bit requires some planning and scouting in advance. Look up movie times and print them out. Find a park with a playground or something nearby. If dinner goes okay, suggest you go see a movie together. If dinner goes really well, suggest that you go take a walk in the park somewhere. At the park, go sit in the swingset and talk about your childhood or something. Either way, either see if it's okay to ride with him to the move/park or if you're uncomfortable with that offer to drive him yourself.

Riding together is a clearer indication of potential romantic interest than riding seperately but it's still casual enough that it's not a big deal. And it has the benefit that at the end of the evening, one of you drops the other back off at their car. Except then there's the super-awkward "Is he going to try to kiss me" part. In this case, the answer is NO, but not because he doesn't like you, it's because he doesn't want to rush anything and is afraid of seeming pushy or upsetting you. We INFJ's worry a LOT about stuff like that. Your job then is to take the question off the table for both of you by giving him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. That's casual enough that it's not humiliating or embarassing, but it's affectionate enough that it leaves the door open for future, uh, affectionate ativities. Of course, if the spirit moves you feel free to plant one on his kisser instead. I'm just trying to give you the easy options ;)

After the first date, let us know how it goes and we'll give you suggestions on how to proceed. One thing at a time.

Waylon, I so appreciate your advice and step by step instructions. I know the other people think what you are telling me is silly but what you say is just what I needed. I do not have much dating experience and zero experience chasing a man. Much less have a clue how to communicate with a INFJ. I so can do what you say I should do. Just asking to get to know him will be no pressure at all on either one of us. Then just as you say, I can tell by his reaction what is on his mind. Either way I will know for sure if his attention he gives to me is intended as romantic or just playful fun.

To answer someone else’s inquire I do not date much but when I do it is for the sole purpose to get to know each other for a potential marriage partner. I can size people up pretty fast and I know when a man is not what I want in a marriage partner. The INFJ friend is so different than anyone I have ever met so I could not size him up. But what I sure do like what little I know about him.

When I build up the courage and make my move I will let everyone know how it turned out.