topic posted Sun, August 21, 2005 - 12:32 PM by  Ben
Hi Everyone,

In light of the compatibility question regarding the INFJ/ENTP match, I thought I'd gather some thoughts on INFJ/INFP.

I've read before that INFJ/ENTP are supposedly a good match and I can see the reasoning behind it. In my experience, INFJs are primarily visionaries while ENTPs like to implement the nitty gritty of the situation. I read somewhere that the INFJ/ENTP combo is aiken to a Supervisor/Supervisee match (respectively).

I think one of the most enigmatic traits about INFJs (I know this applies to me) is that we are often quiet and extremely sensitive but on the other hand can be very demanding and even downright bossy. I suppose this comes in to play with the "grand vision" schemola that so often pops into our heads.

The trick for me is finding someone nice enough to not step on my toes (and hurt my poor widdle feewings) and at the same time has no problem being a litte...shall we say...bossed around? (sheesh, how bad does that sounds? ...just trying to be honest here :) Someone who has understanding and values empathy as much as direction.

For this reason I think INFPs might make a great match. INFPs tend to see the beauty in everyone and cater to causes on par with INFJs. They are crusaders of righteousness and lend a hand to people whenever asked.

Both of these types have their complements albeit in a subtle way compared to, say, an I/E match.

While the INFJ is directed toward the future long term goals, he may be lacking or overwhelmed with implementation of the details and the process. INFPs tend to value "the job" in the here and now and they value doing it.

On the other hand, INFPs tend to roll with the current and find the beauty of the here and now in many thing and many people. This is just one way an INFP could serve as a "grounder" for an INFJ hell bent on future projections.

Because INFPs understand sensitivity, they are less likely to accidentally step on an INFJs toes like an ENTP might (leading to those o-so frequent misunderstandings)

INFJs and INFPs also share a lot in common like the arts, philosphy, close intimate relationships with family and friends and are also the two types closes related to psychic intuition. (meaning there wouldnt have to be a lot communicated verbally as much as things are just "known" between them.)

I know that they say opposites attract but I have always seen that as a very crude and blanket statement. I understand the value in differences but I susbscribe to subtle and profound difference more than overt ones. While there may be attraction to the types you are NOT, the question is whether they are any good for you in the long run. I suppose everyone is different in this regard and it depends on what is more important to them.

At any rate, my aplogies if this seems a little disorganized (and long winded!) but I'm in a hurry out the door but was excited to find this site.

In short, what say you on the idea of an INFJ INFJ regarding a romantic relationship? Anyone out there with personal expereince?
posted by:
offline Ben
  • Unsu...


    Sun, August 21, 2005 - 1:05 PM
    I've been with my INFP for 8 years. I think it is a wonderful match. He's sensitive and in tune to me without effort. He's dedicated and hard working, and capable of letting me be bossy and super planner without taking it personally.

    We both have millions of shared values and similar goals/ideals. I feel like we are a 'productive' couple and that means a lot to me. Not only is he a wonderful intuitive and kind man, he's also idealistic and creative and driven to be a changing force in the world.

    I always wondered why they never seem to recommend INFJ/INFP as good combos.

    I've also found I have a lot of INFP/ENFP friends. I even have a lot of INFJ friends - which is supposedly hard to find.
    • Ben
      offline 0

      Re: INFJ/INFP

      Sun, August 21, 2005 - 1:52 PM
      Thanks for the reply. That's good to hear.

      I think that the suggestions made by some type websites fall short when it comes to type dynamics and fall on the standard "opposites attract" idea. Again, I do believ opposites attract but what's extremely important to me is that those opposites are not only valued but understood.

      My speculation is that an extrovert, for example, might value an introvert- and vice versa- but they will never understand them.

      Since it's particularly important for both INFJs and INFPs to be understood for who they are- and their ability to understand people for who they are- it sounds like a good start to me. :)

      Any other comments much appreciated.

      PS- read my first post over..sorry but didn't have time to edit. ;)
    • Re: INFJ/INFP

      Tue, November 29, 2005 - 12:00 PM
      Love Types by Dr. Avila, a book that I have found to be pretty damn accurate, lists INFJs and INFPs as really great types. He lists different types for femailes than he does for males, usualy. OF COURSE it's based on heterosexual research but he does list female INFJ as an ideal type for a male INTP (poor INTPs are kind of screwed with a really low selections of good matches - not even other INTPs [I think they are the only type that doesn't have their own type as a good match]) anyway he and I are doing well although we aren't in male/female role games; we're just two men. I'd be wary about the INTP for female INFJs though. We had a really difficult time finally gettting settled in and stopping the screaming. I took EFT and dowsing both to manage to get along. Congratulations on your relationship. Sounds great ;-)
      • Re: INFJ/INFP

        Thu, March 17, 2011 - 8:52 AM
        I find all the posts so great.
        I was interested in an infp for a little while and I was able to understand him on a very deep level.
        And right now I am on my way to dating an intp. (We both work for a company with dating rules so it makes it a little hard to date him)
        We've discussed how we feel for each other and we both agreed that our relationship has been very natural and how easy it has been getting to know each other.
        I've seen other things that say Introverts are best suited with extroverts, but after being around so many extroverts, its hard for me to see that. I'm most comfortable around introverts because they understand my need for space and are okay if we don't go and spend an evening with lots of people.

    Mon, August 22, 2005 - 1:57 PM
    Well, I can give you a slightly different opinion than Wyoming's on the INFJ-INFP pair :) My two best friends are both INFP's, so it *is* an extremely compatible matchup. INFJ's and INFP's get along fabulously since we have so much in common and have such an easy time understanding one another. We share interests, appreciate our similarities and our differences, and complement one another pretty well, too.


    I dated an INFP for 5 years, and things went great. We got along incredibly well, had lots of fun together, liked one another's friends, etc. The trouble was that it was like dating my best friend. There wasn't any "spark" there, so eventually we kind of mutually agreed that our relationships wasn't going anywhere and probably never would since we really weren't interested in one another as more than "friends". We're still really good friends now, in fact.

    I'm dating an ENTP now, our (INFJ's) supposed "ideal" mate, and that's an interesting matchup as well. Completely different from anything I've experienced before, so I'm wandering around in unfamilliar territory. We tend to be interested in very similar things but for completely different reasons. It's like we arrive at the same destination, but we take entirely different routes to get there. I'm not sure I'd describe it as a supervisor/supervisee relationships, more like a teacher/student relationship... but which one of us is which? It constantly flip-flops depending on the situation. We each simultaneously feel like the other's teacher and student.

    Your supervisor/supervisee comparison got kind of a chuckle out of me... ENTP's love challenge and love starting new projects... but they're not good at finishing them <g> Once they've overcome the challenge of something then they lose interest. I joke with my girlfriend that the best way to get her to do something is to tell her that it can't be done.

    INFJ's are not very different in that regard, though! We're a couple who genuinely believes that we are capable of doing pretty much anything under the sun (which could be dangerous...) and I'm not sure which of us has more unfinished projects (though the INFP really ranked up there, too, in the unfinished projects department).

    The best word I can think of to describe the INFJ-ENTP match is "surprise." We're both frequently surprised that someone as apparently different on the surface could be so much alike beneath the surface.

    The INFJ "bossiness" is a factor here, too, since she's just as stubborn and bossy. It makes for some interesting fireworks sometimes, but rather than than being a problem they're just... interesting.

    All things considered I think it boils down to personal preferences. Things were incredible "comfortable" with my INFP and we had a lot of fun together in the chummy-pal kind of way, but there just wasn't any fire there, and I like to have some fire and passion in my relationships.

    Of course, this is the only ENTP I've dated, and we've only been together for 4 months now, so in another year I may be singing an entirely different song. So far things are going unexpectedly well, and hopefully they'll continue to do so. We'll just have to see what happens.

    The only other problem I can think of that I had dating the INFP was the fact that we were both intuitive empaths. That sensitivity and "psychic intuition" got under my skin after a while. Actually, we got under each other's skin. We were both tired of the other always asking "What's wrong?" if we were in a bad mood. There's not a lot of emotional privacy there, so we needed a LOT of time apart to maintain our individuality.

    Not to say that there aren't problems with my ENTP. Frequently she forgets to take into account my feelings when she says or does things, and the I vs E thing causes friction sometimes, too. We're working on that, though. I remind her that if I spend all evening hanging out with her and her friends dancing (or rock climbing or any number of activities) then I need some quiet one-on-one time at the end of the evening or I'm going to be feeling drained and wilted. And at the same time after spending all day alone with me on my sailboat I make sure to take her out to do something fun with lots of people around.

    I guess the biggest difference concerns "needs." An INFJ and an INFP have much the same emotional requirements, so it's easier to instinctively give what the other needs, but it takes a more conscious effort for two dissimilar types. In other words, neither match is "better", it's just a matter of what you personally are looking for in a relationship.

    I'm not sure if I answered any of your questions or not, but hopefully I've shed some light on the issue from my personal experiences :)

    Sun, October 16, 2005 - 7:30 PM
    My dearest friend is an INFP, and while we value each other's friendship enormously, we've agreed it would certainly end badly if we tried to share a living space because we're both so sensitive and both so stubborn. ...

    Ben wrote:
    "While the INFJ is directed toward the future long term goals, he may be lacking or overwhelmed with implementation of the details and the process. INFPs tend to value "the job" in the here and now and they value doing it.

    "On the other hand, INFPs tend to roll with the current and find the beauty of the here and now in many thing and many people. This is just one way an INFP could serve as a "grounder" for an INFJ hell bent on future projections."

    That's funny, because it seems to be exactly the opposite with the two of us; I tend to be very here-and-now while she typically projects off into the hypothetical future (or the unresolvable past). I imagined that was how J's and P's tended to be?

    As for unfinished projects ... which of us has more? How many angels on the head of a pin?
    • Re: INFJ/INFP

      Sun, January 22, 2006 - 8:33 PM
      Hi Ben!

      I have been assuming my boyfriend of a few years was INTP - but he recently agreed to sit the test and it turns out he is an INFP.

      So, my experience has been a positive one, I like that he is a sensitive type (like me) and also calms me down a great deal when I am in a perfectionist haze. The things that irritate me are very few - possibly just that as a P, he doesnt need to have things as organised/set in stone as I would like. We rarely argue, have a telepathic bond (odd but cool), and just like being together because we understand each other.
      • Deciding Your "Best Fit Type"

        Tue, August 1, 2006 - 1:30 AM
        Hi there, I'm awfully happy to hear your relationship is good. I'm in a relationship with an INTP (I'm INFJ) as well, and it is tempestuous. We are two men so that might or might not change the type issues (statistics have shown certain types work bettwer with other specific types and also vary by whether the person is femal or male. But I have yet to find statistics done on gay partnerships.) Love Types, which is a popularized book but based on actual studies, lists INFJ female as the only good choice for the poor INTP males (INTP females, per that book have a few more choices available to them.)

        One important thing to remember is that one does not find out his or her type by taking the instrument. The instrument is ONLY a good start on what is, ultimately, an individual quest of triamgulating, self-examination, asking for friend's frank opinions about certain traits, It took me 25 years from my first testing (INTJ) to understand the whole thing enough to figure out that the test only points the way and the subject is very much deeper than the little astrology like blurbs you get on the web or in Keirsey's books. Once someone has already tested, I suggest they read all of Linda Beren's "pamphlets" (especially the one on Jungian functions and the one on Communication Styles, to help them triamgulate and be sure of their best fit type. The last number I heard was that the test is about 75% accurate.

        Have fun on the trip!


        PS Avila lists INFJs and INFPs as really good fits for INFJs - at least male INFJs. I'm not sure about the females.
        • Re: Deciding Your "Best Fit Type"

          Sat, February 10, 2007 - 10:40 PM
          Interesting and kind of scary what Ben (the originator of this post) has proposed quoted here:

          "I think one of the most enigmatic traits about INFJs (I know this applies to me) is that we are often quiet and extremely sensitive but on the other hand can be very demanding and even downright bossy. I suppose this comes in to play with the "grand vision" schemola that so often pops into our heads.

          "The trick for me is finding someone nice enough to not step on my toes (and hurt my poor widdle feewings) and at the same time has no problem being a litte...shall we say...bossed around? (sheesh, how bad does that sounds? ...just trying to be honest here :) Someone who has understanding and values empathy as much as direction."

          He then proposes INFPs as likely candidates for relationships for INFJs because they are going to handle being bossed around much better than other types. Hmmm, INFPs having no problems being bossed around? What an interesting concept. I'm an INFP/ENFP who sometimes tests as an INFJ so I might have some insight---maybe not, but I certainly have had experience being bossed around (ENTJ "fieldmarshal" father and ESTJ partner of 16 years).

          I feel that INFPs are often valued for their willingness to work with others. I read once that INFPs are often loved as bosses (by those who they manage) because they are the most democratic; they'll listen to everyone and if they have favorites they won't create unfair situations around that favoritism. Their favorites won't often know that they are favorites if the INFP has the value of fairness, which they often do.

          As bosses, INFPs tend to try to inspire people to do their best work and to self-actualize, and try to find the best fit for the types of interests and skills that their employees possess. They also abhor conflict and will try to prevent conflict from happening if they can. This can give them a gentle, yielding appearance. Anyone who has ever taken a marshal art is aware that sometimes the best way to win a battle is to follow (listen to your opponent, hear out what they want and try to accommodate them) or to step aside and let your enemies lose their balance on their own as they are going in that way anyway. Be kind and you create good will and people want to work harder to reach their individual and team goals. Of course you have to be firm at times, but mature and realized INFPs are fully capable of this too.

          Perhaps this ability to compromise makes INFPs appear to be easily bossed around. But you know what? Appearances are deceiving. INFPS do compromise, but not when it comes to values, and because INFPs vary from one to another in values, they don't come with instruction manuals on which values to avoid battling over. So it's not like you are going to know going in where the conflicts might be.

          Anyone who has ever been involved with an INFP will encounter these values at some point, if they push the right buttons and if they push them hard and long enough. And if you make it an occupation to step on an INFPs toes, well then your love life with an INFP is going to be hell. INFPs usually forgive, but not always. They may not hold grudges for life, but they may not want to have anything to do with you in the future. They'll simply move on, take the lessons they learned with them and forget about you and maybe include you in some composite character in a novel they are writing.

          When there is a desire to boss someone around there is usually some other emotional state or motive attached with that. I'm speaking generally of all types and speaking specifically about familial or romantic relationships. For instance, one motivation could be fear that if we don't subject someone to our control they will abandon us or get the better of us in the relationship. Abusers, who are often deeply insecure, often work from this position. Or maybe someone is powerless in other areas of his or her life and feels a great need to direct at least someone or something to make him or herself feel more powerful or important. For instance, some women who might have been really dynamic career women, but who were frustrated in not having any worldly power, take over their kid's lives, treating their children as extensions of their own egos, grooming them into chess champions or child beauty queens. Or maybe there is the fear that a beloved person will reflect badly upon us in the world and the presumption that they need direction and that without our interference they will fail and worse yet, embarrass us, so we have to tell them how to dress, how much money to make, etc. For instance, "Honey, you are NOT going to wear your camo pants and orange hunting vest to the kid's talent show!"

          I'm sure I could think of other ego-driven reasons for someone wanting to boss another person around, but really the point is not to make a laundry list here, but to have anyone who wishes to take on the task of bossing an INFP around ask themselves why they feel compelled to boss their partner around in the first place. Maybe instead of saying: "I need an INFP who will put up with my bossing her around," the thing to say is "Why do I want to do this and do the ends justify the means?" and "Will this action create harmony or discord?"

          Okay, you can boss your sweet INFP around if you find her. But don't be surprised if you bring out the crusading Joan of Arc in your partner if you do so. I know what she is like. I am her. I have an INFP sister-in-law who is dear to me, but even we have gone head to head on values and it nearly got ugly.

          You don't want to do that. Better to be nice to your INFP partner and treat her with kindness and encouragement in her dreams and aspirations while you work on your own and be your own best perfect boss---of yourself. You'll get a deeper love and affection from her if you do and you might even be able to keep your "keeper".

          Oh, and by the way I have been involved with an INFJ and one of the problems in that relationship is that he wanted to boss around and change me, while not compromising at all himself. I ended that romance because in my view he just didn't get relationships.

          INFPs have a great capacity for caring and need to feel loved and cherished and if you do so and give them free reign to make their own choices without your bossiness intrusion into their lives, they will be loving and loyal partners and they will not muck around in your business. But do not feel you can ever keep an INFP for long penned up in a one-sided relationship of commander and commandee. You won't get past the gates into the garden of love, believe me.

    Fri, December 21, 2007 - 8:34 AM
    I was also wondering about the appropriateness of INFJ/INFP matches. I am an INFJ and my recent ex is an INTP. I have found it an interesting intellectual experience, but lacking in the emotional understanding arena. This seemed to be ok until I met a certain INFP, who has an uncanny ability to know what I’m feeling/thinking, and vice versa. After this my INTJ relationship was disappointing and uninspiring. However, twice now I have scared him (the INFP guy) off with my attempts to be direct and get past the longing-stare/awkward conversation phase…maybe it takes longer for INFP’s to get to this point? Maybe the relationship is more interesting as a “could-be” than as a reality? Certainly my tendency to take action rather than sit around and brood has been frustratingly ineffective to me, and probably scary/intimidating to him. I feel that the match would be great if we could get past the initial “you get me, and that’s freaky” part. It could be that, as an INFJ, I have to wait for INFP guy to make the first move…if that ever actually happens! Unfortunately I keep jumping the gun. :-)

    I thought Waylon’s comment about the lack of “spark” with his INFP was interesting. I seem to have more natural spark with this INFP than I’ve ever experienced with anyone else. Of course, I don’t know if that would hold up to the course of a relationship or not. Unrealistic expectations on both sides might get in the way. Thoughts?
    • Re: INFJ/INFP

      Fri, December 21, 2007 - 7:21 PM
      I believe that "P" personalities can take a LOOOOONG time to make up their minds, which can be very frustrating to those of us with the "J" personality. Good luck.
      • Re: INFJ/INFP

        Tue, December 25, 2007 - 8:43 AM
        My "daily tarot card" was interesting today, and seems to apply pretty well to this situation:

        "It's time to consider the possible consequences of your past rigid approach to conflict within your relationship or love life. Make room for human frailty and patience, for no one can live up to such high expectations."

        Truly a good point for INFJ's to consider!

    Sun, March 30, 2008 - 2:21 PM
    My husband's an INFP. Fantastic match.
    I can't imagine being with the personality types that some of these websites recommend. I'm not a big believer in "opposites attract" at all. Obviously it works for some people, but not for me. I can see where it'd be a good idea if you were going into business together--sure, put a touchy-feely NF visionary together with a brass tacks, can-do SJ business partner! Or put an NF writer together with a TJ editor!--but I can't see living with that as your most intimate relationship.
    • Re: INFJ/INFP

      Sun, March 30, 2008 - 5:18 PM
      I agree. I feel like a relationship should be a sanctuary from all the misunderstandings you encounter with opposite/very different types in everyday life. I definitely agree with your comments on a work environment....I produce some really great things with TJs/TPs but can't get past the "coldness" to have a meaningful relationship with them.
      • Re: INFJ/INFP

        Tue, April 1, 2008 - 3:40 PM
        I agree that close relationships feel best for me as sanctuaries. I knew an NT (INTJ) who had a very different view--what he wanted in a woman, above all, was that she be "challenging." So maybe this is an NT/NF difference in relationships; maybe NTs like relationships with NFs, or other types different from themselves, because it's intellectually stimulating and "challenging" to try and get along with someone so different. (And maybe it's NTs who are coming up with these supposed ideal pairings of MBTI types, haha!) But as for me, I don't work that way. I like cultural differences, I like interesting differences, but I want to feel like the relationship is a sanctuary, and it's hard to imagine feeling that way with someone whose differences are on such a fundamental level.

        Here's something interesting--the law firm I work for did a training exercise where everyone took the Meyers-Briggs test, and then we divided into groups of the four main types (NT, NF, SJ, SP). We did some exercises as groups that were incredibly interesting from a personality-type perspective, but the thing I remember the most was how it FELT to walk over and join all the other NFs. As soon as I got there and we all looked at each other, it felt like, "Aaaaaaah... I can RELAX, I don't have to fake it or be defensive..." Even though almost all of us were complete strangers, I could feel instantly that things were going to go smoothly, that we all welcomed each other, and none of us were going to be unpleasant or aggressive or overly competitive with each other, etc. There was a sense of gentleness and refinement about the whole group, from the first instant. I don't know how often in life one gets the opportunity to be with a bunch of people OF THE SAME BASIC TYPE as yourself--like, almost never, probably??--but it's a REALLY interesting and revealing exercise.
        • Re: INFJ/INFP

          Sat, April 5, 2008 - 8:12 PM
          Wow, a group of NFs!! How awesome. I bet that did feel like a soul relief or something!

          I'm curious how you started your relationship with your INFP? I keep chasing this one and scaring him off with my honesty/straightforwardness. (Although to be fair, it probably has a lot to with his girlfriend :-/) Still, I seem to go for the type, so maybe you know something I don't. :-)
          • Re: INFJ/INFP

            Sat, April 12, 2008 - 11:42 PM
            How are you approaching him? Are you telling him outright that you like him? Perhaps he doesn't know what to do in a situation where he has a GF and another girl's talking to him and if he finds it uncomfortable, he'll need time to think about it (how to please both).

            Myself, I'm in a tough situation and I'd appreciate if you all could lend your input :) I am a xNFP myself and I have to say I love INFJ's! I've only met 2 so far, both of them I felt I knew them my whole life the moment we met. One of them I've become good friends with, we basically have all the same interests so we do everything together (games, movies, books, etc).

            The second one I fell in love with. I met him last year at a 3 day camp, during which I spent the entire time being drawn to him like a magnet. He gave me the impression of being calm, collected, down to earth, dependable.. all things that I greatly admire. Also I got an impression of honesty.. goodness overall.. and hard working. I was greatly intrigued by him and yearned to know more, however being on different sites I wasn't able to talk to him. We lost contact after camp, after which I met my GF (an ISFJ.. that one letter makes quite a difference!).

            About a month ago, I found him on Facebook. The excitement of finding him again, coupled with the fact that naturally I want to know EVERYTHING about him, makes it very hard to restrain myself from nagging him with all sorts of questions. I'm afraid that it will peeve him or overwhelm him somehow because he seems so reserved.. am I wrong with this? So instead I found myself choosing my words carefully around him, and trying real hard not to give him the wrong impression of me. And he rarely comes online, sometimes he doesn't answer for a few days, which leaves me a little worried. Though when he does answer my messages, it's always immediately. I also find that whenever I add an application he will add it too.. and take the tests, or play the games, which I found surprising because he's rarely on. Between messages I find myself wanting to spam his wall with nonsense and sending him every gift imaginable .. would that be weird?? Am I allowed to go crazy or no?

            Lately I let him know about my GF, and I'm worried about what he's thinking. He hasn't been on in a few days. I have a very open relationship with my GF, so will he see me being with her and at the same time flirting with him as something bad? Well I mean okay, most people would think it's bad. The real question is, will he let me explain myself or will he shut me out or..?
            • Re: INFJ/INFP

              Sun, April 13, 2008 - 3:31 PM
              Interesting situation Silas! Ok, first things first, don't spam his wall! I know it's tempting as hell. After much experience with scaring people off with intense pursuit, I stick to the 2-1 rule. You can leave 2 messages or emails, and after that wait for him to respond before doing anything more. I think it's a good sign that he adds the same applications and games as you - if he wasn't interested he would not be caring what you were doing on Facebook, unless he's just a FB addict. How did you experience his response to you? If you felt a mutual connection, you are probably right, given that you are an _NFP and the guy seems honest and unmanipulative. :-) If he knows about your GF, he is probably confused about how to proceed, especially if he doesn't know the exact nature of your relationship with her. Also unless I misinterpreted this, you are bi-dating, and if he isn't used to it he might not know what the unofficial rules are with that (if there are any). INFJs tend to be really open to communication, so I think the best call would be to ask him out. He might be surprised (or not, he probably knows you like him already) but he will probably respond appropriately and not freak out or anything. If he interprets it as a "friends-only" move, you might have to throw something in there about not being committed to this girl.

              That's my two cents, anyway. :-) In my case, yes I told him that I liked him, although I made a mistake by saying he probably wasn't too happy with his relationship or he wouldn't be sending signals. Looking back I'm sure it was beyond my sphere to say something like that and probably made him defensive (even though I stand by my assessment!). I meant it in a "let's see if this is worth a shot" kind of way, but I've read INFPs interpret criticism if there's any ambiguity about the intent of the message, so he probably did. I doubt that I can fix that at this point, which really sucks. :-(
          • Re: INFJ/INFP

            Fri, April 18, 2008 - 6:32 PM
            Well, he chased me. But I think there are two key things: (1) be sincere. Don't pretend to feel something you don't (including indifference), and vice versa. This is a big deal with NF's. And (2), you're both introverts--the thing introverts hate is small talk. We don't hate talking (although it's very nice to be able to be silent with others sometimes), but we hate small talk. So, talk about stuff you actually care about.

    Fri, May 9, 2008 - 2:57 AM
    I used to test as an INFP, but with time and work experience, the INFJ side came forth. So yeah, I think you're right about that.

    Sun, May 18, 2008 - 6:41 PM
    Well I'm an INFJ as well; funny thing people usually think I'm an "E" because i do really care about people and usually ask lots of questions. Yet i do hate small talk i ask real questions to find out real interest and find patterns (i must say my tertiary "T" is quite well developed since i do study Mecatronics). So in my study there are lots and lots of INTJ's which i value very much; a couple of ENTJ as well. It's funny to think i really appreciate the way NT's express themselves, yet it might be my "T" is well developed so i understand what they are trying to tell me they feel but in abstract logical manner; that i love, because it's amusing to notice how hard it is for these to express feelings. I usually let them know what they are trying to tell me before (or after) they lost themselves in the rational meaning of what they are trying to express, and i notice they really feel relief when they hear I'm understanding them.

    My ex was an ISTJ which just didn't work out at all, i felt really awkward with her; I always thought ST's love direct "yes" or "no" answers and that's true they really don't care about NF's whole appreciation,they think we are twisted in the head, we think too much and expect a lot of ourselves; which is partially true :D, but they are forgetting about something, we are deeply in touch with our feelings!! I guess it just doesn't work that way when you are in a relationship; as friends i do love her, but i rather have nothing else with her.
    Funny thing she told me she loved the way i could understand her without her even saying a word. Then again she kinda hoped this could be exploited and then she hadn't to express herself, which just killed every remote piece of attraction i had for her.

    She kind of reminded me of someone, then i found out my father was exactly the same type (ISTJ)! That may also be the reason why i do love the way "T's" express themselves. Then again i used to have the feeling that my father primary "S" nature seemed to kill my very loved "N". I still love and admire the way my father acts when trying to cope with Logic, he just really uses his ST to understand how computers or electronic devices work (he is a computer engineer) ; As a child i tried to impress him by theorizing deep into the way these devices worked by using my "N" and exploiting my at that time weak "T" and although i usually was right this just didn't seem to be valuable for him :/
    I withhold no regrets since it might be thanks to this why i love "NT's" and why i gained a tight tertiary ability.

    About ENTJ's i only know a couple of girls with this traits, and i do know they like me a lot; it's strange to think how they really feel attracted to me (something we INTJ perceive quite easily); yet although i love how "NT's" express i'm not so sure about wanting to have something with a non-feeling person; it would be similar as returning to my Ex.
    Maybe an ENFP, i feel tempted to look for one, since it's perfect match should be an INTJ (who i understand very well), that might be a really good idea :D

    Right now i just may have found what seems to be a INFJ/P (I'm not so sure yet, met her a couple of days ago :D) and at first glance i really like the potential of it.
    Still i'd rather say she's an INFJ as well so i wouldn't know if it goes that well; I'm unexperienced in that area, can someone give me their opinion? i would really appreciate it :D

    Fri, August 8, 2008 - 6:15 PM
    Related, but a bit of a side trip....

    I always feel very skeptical about the various "best type" combinations listed in books and on web sites. Point being, "who decides" what "good" feels like?

    If an ENTP (for example) makes a schematic of "good" and "bad" fit types, won't that schematic reflect the ENTP's impression of what a "good match" is, rather than the types' being described? I say this, because I've had some interesting conversations with friends who are into type, not about "best fit," but about deciding what "a good match" is. And when I describe what's important to me in some sense of what I think of as "ideal" it comes out looking QUITE different from the "ideal" of another type.

    Among the people I know is an INFJ/INFJ couple. I absolutely LOVE their "connectedness," they ways they always seem to be "on the same page" about everything.... I WISH I had that deep a spiritual/emotional connection with someone. Yet my ISTJ friend looks at them and sees the SAME couple as "rather dysfunctional." His perception is that their are "not a good team" and they "don't get things done." And this, for me, is PRECISELY where I question "best type" in global sense. His "ideal" relationship is something that "makes sense" like the synergy of two companies in a corporate merger. It's functional, practical, complementary strengths and weaknesses, leading towards some... I'm never quite sure... "goal." The two INFJs-- who are very, very happy-- could care less whether there's a rotten board in the deck and the oil needs changing, as long as they can have their profound emotional "merging."

    Some types thrive on "sameness," while sameness bores other types to tears.

    I get the impression INFJs are-- in their heart of hearts-- "sameness junkies."

    I do agree that the "opposites attract" statement is a quaint generalization and my experience has been more along the lines of "Opposites may ATTRACT, but commonalities are what hold people together, in the long run."

    Of course, that's just my opinion.... :-)
  • Re: INFJ & INFP's in love

    Wed, September 2, 2009 - 10:19 PM
    I'm an INFJ and my partner of almost 2 years is an INFP, although when we first did this test over a year ago he was an ENTP (I think). He has changed a lot (very mutable Gemini) and developed his awareness a lot more, and now we are even more similar than when we met (even back then we thought we may be related by way of a love-child somewhere along the line!) It makes for a very happy and even relationship. We basically have extremely similar views on everything, from comedy to relationships with family to what sort of life we want in the future. Like classic idealists, we are both concerned with the state of humanity, the environment etc. have the same sense of humour, have a love and appreciation for beauty in all it's forms, love to relax, don't get tied up in money issues, the list goes on.

    He is less sentimental than me and I am more empathetic ("Counsellor" type), which means that when I tend to get bogged down with daily frustrations (usually from taking on other people's stuff), he is more able to plough through and just get things done so we can move on to fun things ("Healer" type). We tend to balance each other out - if one is worn the other will take over, if one is off with the fairies and having a blah day, the other will make the decisions and keep the ball rolling. And we are both completey comfortable with our shifting roles.

    We have never had a real "fight" and rarely disagree, and we both know that conversing truthfully and sensibly is the best option. There is no one-upmanship or power struggle in this relationship which I love, and we know each other so well (because we are so similar) that there is never any pressure to be anything other than ourselves.

    Man if you are reading this then you are probably about to vomit, but I'm completely serious. I think if you are lucky enough to find your soulmate like we have you'll probably find yourself saying stuff like this too. My previous relationship dragged on for 7 long years before I finally made myself realise that you cannot FORCE a relationship to work, and if you think you've done it and you're still not happy then it's time to get out. When it's the right person it WORKS by itself. We still have issues, because people have issues and life can be unpredictable, but we tackle things together rather than ripping each other to shreds and flinging blame everywhere. Those problems usually happen when you are confronted with something and each of you handle it a totally different way. The beauty of having a partner with many of the same character traits is that you don't get stuck on how to figure the other person out because you really already know. A lot of our communication happens without it being said, and it's been like that from day 1.

    And if you think the idea of having a partner almost the same as you is boring, trust me IT IS ANYTHING BUT!

    Mon, October 25, 2010 - 12:18 PM
    I'm an INFJ. I've been with my INFP boyfriend for 7 years. It's a very loving and passionate relationship, because both of our personality types have such a strong sense of emotion. It's difficult sometimes because INFP's like their space a lot, where INFJ's need solitude, but also crave relationships. It can also be difficult because INFP's will do a task that they have to do in the moment, where INFJ's are more future oriented. This lead to a lot of nights (especially in high school and college) when I would beg him to stop doing school work and just talk to me.
    That being said, I am absolutely certain that he is my soul mate and I couldn't imagine life without him.

    Fri, June 10, 2011 - 9:44 PM
    infj celebrating our 16th anniversary with infp husband. i think it's great. We just "clicked" and I knew on our first date this was it. my biggest complaint is the messy, get your clothes off the floor "p" side, which I'm grateful that is the worst. Sometimes my infp can be a bit high maintenance emotionally too, but having someone who just seems to understand me is worth it - especially when I consider that the artsy, deep feeing part of him is just that - a part of who he is. I couldn't stand being with someone who didn't value purpose and meaning enough to feel about it.
    • Re: INFJ/INFP

      Sat, June 11, 2011 - 6:55 AM
      Congratulations and happy anniversary :) It sounds like you and your husband are a good fit. It is always good to hear when someone is happy in their marriage.
  • liz
    offline 0


    Sun, November 4, 2012 - 2:28 AM
    What a female INFP and a male INFJ? Why wouldn't this relationship work out? I have this infatuation with one of my male friends and he is an INFJ... I'm a female. Would this be a bad match?