Advertisement
Hello Boys and Girls
I m new to the tribe! I have been reading some of the old postings and I have to say that there is so much that I can relate to. It is nice to find a place where there are others that feel the same way as I do. One of the INFJ characteristics seem to be that we all have felt a deep sense of ‘aloneless’ in our lives. Well I need some suggestions from you guys. I m 22 years old and I have never been in a relationship. Even with my friendships sometimes I have a hard time feeling like I belong or feeling like my friends really understand me. I ve dated a bit here and there but never found anyone to really connect with…until this summer. I met someone this summer and kind of dated a bit. Before I met him I had almost given up on men. I felt a strong connection with this guy and I guess I got excited because I thought to myself ‘OMG could it be? I finally found someone?!’. He told me that he felt a strong connection to me a number of times. But there are some circumstances that were in the way. He hasn’t told me exactly why but he went on vacation this September and came back an alcoholic. I guess something happened and he turned to alcohol. Since then I don’t even know how to describe our relationship. We weren’t dating but we were more than friends. Well a month ago, he got really drunk and called me and well…it was just a bad situation. We decided that we were going to be friends. He said that he likes me more than I know but it is not a good idea for me to be in his life right now. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me and he needs time to get professional help and feel better. I said ok I respect that. I guess the reason I m writing is I am having trouble letting him go. I still like him. I want to move on. But I m having mixed feelings…Sometimes I feel like I want him back and I don’t want to let him go….other times I want to start dating new people casually….other times I realize that I want a meaningful relationship. Though I have no problem being on my own and actually enjoy my time alone I do want to explore myself. I want to know what it is like to be in a loving relationship. How will I grow? What will I learn?
Well I guess I was wondering as INFJ types, where do you guys meet people? How do you ‘put yourself out there’? Any comments will be appreciated.
Dee
I m new to the tribe! I have been reading some of the old postings and I have to say that there is so much that I can relate to. It is nice to find a place where there are others that feel the same way as I do. One of the INFJ characteristics seem to be that we all have felt a deep sense of ‘aloneless’ in our lives. Well I need some suggestions from you guys. I m 22 years old and I have never been in a relationship. Even with my friendships sometimes I have a hard time feeling like I belong or feeling like my friends really understand me. I ve dated a bit here and there but never found anyone to really connect with…until this summer. I met someone this summer and kind of dated a bit. Before I met him I had almost given up on men. I felt a strong connection with this guy and I guess I got excited because I thought to myself ‘OMG could it be? I finally found someone?!’. He told me that he felt a strong connection to me a number of times. But there are some circumstances that were in the way. He hasn’t told me exactly why but he went on vacation this September and came back an alcoholic. I guess something happened and he turned to alcohol. Since then I don’t even know how to describe our relationship. We weren’t dating but we were more than friends. Well a month ago, he got really drunk and called me and well…it was just a bad situation. We decided that we were going to be friends. He said that he likes me more than I know but it is not a good idea for me to be in his life right now. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me and he needs time to get professional help and feel better. I said ok I respect that. I guess the reason I m writing is I am having trouble letting him go. I still like him. I want to move on. But I m having mixed feelings…Sometimes I feel like I want him back and I don’t want to let him go….other times I want to start dating new people casually….other times I realize that I want a meaningful relationship. Though I have no problem being on my own and actually enjoy my time alone I do want to explore myself. I want to know what it is like to be in a loving relationship. How will I grow? What will I learn?
Well I guess I was wondering as INFJ types, where do you guys meet people? How do you ‘put yourself out there’? Any comments will be appreciated.
Dee
Advertisement
Advertisement
-
Re: Meeting new people..
Fri, December 19, 2008 - 5:59 PMThe aloneness is a great big 800-pound gorilla in the room. It distorts reality in so many ways. All you can do is offer him unconditional love. He might be able to handle it, and he might not.
-
Re: Meeting new people..
Fri, December 19, 2008 - 8:14 PMThis is only from my own point-of-view. And from that... I realized that it is okay to carry all of my relationships with me. As relationships seem to be my center (Not, sure if that is good or bad) Perhaps, in this manner I don't have to "let it go", they are always in my mind. Maybe that is what attracted me the most in the first place "the idea" and I don't have to let that go because perhaps it was in my mind the whole time anyway.
My largest "pit-fall" would be that I am an Idealist, so that means to me that I know what would be "ideal" but perhaps it is not "realistic" on this planet. --- Like some crazy paradox. (Like the ultimate, perfect flavor of ice cream... stuck in your head. You know it and everything about it... but can never taste it. Kinda thing.)
When I do fall for someone, my feelings or thinking seem to be "larger and louder" than anything else. And I become quite stupid. They could be a complete loser and my intuition knows this... but I continue to be stubborn. (Like my will power could ever really change anything.) I have learned that if they don't work out, it was for a good reason.
What I have learned overall, is to remember to force myself to look beyond "myself." And that "different" is okay and good. When I remember to do this, I am more open to meeting people and actually getting along with them. Also, to let life teach them the lessons instead of me. Just because I already know it... doesn't mean that they are ready.
Anyway, this is what I have learned so far. Hope some part of it can aide you.
