http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074?format=rss Tribe.net. Local Connections http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#cc400b95-7e9d-48b6-9c0a-594018ecca26 Amen!!! There really is a part of my INFJ 'ness that has to turn the dial down most of the time but to be honest if you turn the dial up, with the right person and really intuitively "connect" then it's an experience that goes beyond. This of course is not the norm but every once and awhile it gets ....cosmic. I completely agree with this: "I think the approach to it mentally and physically speaks to that.I do believe INFJ woman have an easier time of it. We can sit back and wait. And when the waiting fails to produce a worthy subject. We can connect for the sake of sex to a situation that is temporary. But we would never pursue this actively. Being woman we don't have to. Suspend the long list of requirement for the temporary pleasure of sex. " But I have found that if you are with another N type they kinda know you are doing this and try to draw out more of you, not every time, but they seem to want more than the "temporary pleasure of sex". Even if it is for the sake of physicality and desire they still want to make a connection. That's my limited experience anyways. Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:59:13 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#cc400b95-7e9d-48b6-9c0a-594018ecca26 shifting4now 2009-09-27T16:59:13Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#0bc97b5c-a37a-4307-9d2e-b2df5b486e88 Ok so I'll talk about the sex part. If I were an INFJ male I suspect I might never have sex . I think the approach to it mentally and physically speaks to that.I do believe INFJ woman have an easier time of it. We can sit back and wait. And when the waiting fails to produce a worthy subject. We can connect for the sake of sex to a situation that is temporary. But we would never pursue this actively. Being woman we don't have to. Suspend the long list of requirement for the temporary pleasure of sex. I mean the connection we feel has to be pure animal and we have to tone down our intuition on the things that might cancel it out. And we also have to stop thinking in lifetime connection. It is possible. But to be male like and have to actively seek this, I don't think it is possible. To sit back and accept int is easier. And when done one can get back into complete INFJ mode again and seek that soul mate. One needs sex once in awhile. without the complications of all that is INFJ. Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:32:23 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#0bc97b5c-a37a-4307-9d2e-b2df5b486e88 Pier 2009-09-27T16:32:23Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#881d1d67-1c18-472b-8466-1dc53a52a911 I'm 34 years old and I've never been in love ever. Most of my dates have been dreadful. I don't date a lot though. I honestly believe I could survive on my own for a very long time, whereas most people I know would go crazy if they were alone for as long as I have been. I'm quite RELIEVED to know that there are women out there who are similar. Sometimes I do feel like a bit of a freak cause it's harder for me to open up and do social scenes. I'm not good in groups, in fact I'm quite horrible with them. I think the main reason I absolutely can't fall in love or get to know a woman really well is because I hate insincerity. I do still dream of falling in love and meeting my soulmate but I think I could be happy being alone my whole life. Does anyone feel that the love that they have to give is simply too valuable and intense for most people to take? I know that sounds strange but that's how I feel. Maybe us INFJs need to lighten up a bit and just joke around and have fun? What do you think is the best way for an INFJ to meet someone they can connect with? Fri, 11 Sep 2009 17:18:08 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#881d1d67-1c18-472b-8466-1dc53a52a911 Daniel 2009-09-11T17:18:08Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#daa76b34-9752-4656-bf21-e78ee8c33300 ah ha ha....I read "I've never been in love..."...."neither have I..." I have never NOT been in love....it's what 's killing me. I fall in love at the drop of a pin................OUCH Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:34:25 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#daa76b34-9752-4656-bf21-e78ee8c33300 $item.owner.firstName 2009-07-15T20:34:25Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#aa813123-3d8c-4451-bc17-85a89ec50b9a Absolutely. I feel broken sometimes by people who I'm not sure I've even helped at all! Maybe I have, but they tend to not see or appreciate it because they are entrenched in pain. Understandable but still NOT good for me. Yet really well-adjusted people can be really shallow, too. Mon, 25 May 2009 18:18:29 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#aa813123-3d8c-4451-bc17-85a89ec50b9a Rachel 2009-05-25T18:18:29Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#66ea5d9b-e081-4de3-b46b-74c5fc943b50 " I think is has nothing to do with wanting to "fix" people as it is trying to educate them and to show them a doorway that leads them to perceive the collective consciousness that we are all a part of. " I strongly agree with your assessment. This is not the first time I've heard our personality type described this way and not always from stricly "professionals." One of my students once told me that they truly enjoyed my Socratic teaching method. Of course I had to look it up since I wasn't quite sure what she meant. It basically sums up to "teaching by asking leading questions" or "leading from behind" thereby prompting the student to arrive at the destination on their own. Also the comment about "European men and some very-large-city gay guys" is spot on. I would never consciously have acknowledged that fact but thinking about my current group of friends it hits the target. I'd also add to the list individuals who are well travelled and started young like military brats and those individuals whose parents lived internationally during their highschool years. Thank you to all who have posted. I have truly enjoyed this morning's perusal of these posts. Mon, 25 May 2009 12:44:20 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#66ea5d9b-e081-4de3-b46b-74c5fc943b50 Nathan 2009-05-25T12:44:20Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#cd68ad8a-d400-428c-af7a-629a57ca554b Hi This maybe just be just me but it connects somewhat. I just find a lot of people incredibly boring. Seriously, teeth gnashing boring. "'too deep', 'too intense' and 'thinking too much' does sum it up well. I'm awful in the traditional places like clubs etc but great in cafe's. Just my 2p M Sun, 01 Feb 2009 14:40:58 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#cd68ad8a-d400-428c-af7a-629a57ca554b Mark 2009-02-01T14:40:58Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#6b52e801-8be6-4123-a4d6-9162d92ed5a3 Hello. I have many similarities with you all re: being dismissed as 'too deep', 'too intense' and 'thinking too much' so I thought I'd just offer a little warm encouragement to all those of you who are longing to connect with a real soul-and-mind-mate. Having given up hope of finding someone I could connect with in my mid thirties, I found a wonderful friend whose journey had been much more troubled than mine, but who had dealt with his challenges with such dignity and wisdom that now, fast approaching 40, it is an absolute privilege to find myself in-love, happily married, intellectually connected and ridiculously attracted ALL TO THE SAME MAN! So - it does happen and I wish you all such fulfillment and happiness in your own time. It's worth the wait! Just another quick point - yes, we have both experienced pain and hurt, but THAT IS PART OF OUR JOY TOGETHER! I can honestly say I would have nothing common with someone who has not experienced pain and difficulties - what would there be to talk about? That's where depth comes from. Be grateful for your intensity and depth - how much everyone without it misses! All the best to you all... Mon, 01 Sep 2008 17:40:29 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#6b52e801-8be6-4123-a4d6-9162d92ed5a3 nicola 2008-09-01T17:40:29Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#59b2ef2f-5c86-4501-8540-b08903ef4762 Frank, I am about 3 months removed from a breakup with a girlfriend of 8 years . . . it sounds somewhat similar to my experience. She was an eternally quiet person, whom I liked to think I brought out of her shell, if ever so slightly after so long. . . . But she and I really never evolved beyond that pattern of me trying to assist her with that, and we could not share at a deep level in terms of communication, but there was sometime there--a depth through just being together, both being sensitive, and just understanding that sensitivity implicitly without having to explain. . . . Anyway . . . I am an IT support person looking to get a graduate degree in counseling, and I think I just naturally like to help. I certainly could not have sustained a relationship for so long if it wasn't feeding something fundamental to my nature: which is just wanting to help others, thriving on that one-on-one. I think I am learning more and more, and will, as time moves on from this time in my life. I can relate, and you have given me some food for thought. Mon, 01 Sep 2008 02:59:18 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#59b2ef2f-5c86-4501-8540-b08903ef4762 Mark 2008-09-01T02:59:18Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#5918a22b-d8db-4a6d-a71c-69498e2b4083 i like the ideas that you all are dealing with in this thread, as they have been coming up for me in a most visceral way this past day or two. as a n infj(x-ish) male, i am concerned most with healing, myself and my loved ones. that apparently makes sense to people here. well, my awesome girlfriend and i just broke up last night/this morning, and from what i can tell, one of the biggest issues she had with me was my presumption that i could aid her in her healing process. even while i learned much about my own healing thru our relationship, i seem to have this insatiable urge to try to nurture other's in their process, and it seems this was not what she needed or wanted. i found in this relationship that i as a man must learn to just listen sometimes, and let both my inherent and recently-gleaned knowledge of healing modalities wait on the sidelines until the other person is actually feeling receptive... sometimes we sensitive "str8" men try so hard to relate on the level of words, back and forth, like sisterly, with our women..possibly because we are nurturing the feminine inside us as well, and we don't understand that the true balancing effect of male energy is to listen and stay grounded, unmoved, until the storm of emotions has passed. then and only then can we be heard, and hopefully nurture healing in the lives of our loved ones.. ...this is a hard lesson, and i am just starting to get it. a little too late for this relationship to be repaired, but vital knowledge just the same. thx Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:34:37 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#5918a22b-d8db-4a6d-a71c-69498e2b4083 $item.owner.firstName 2008-08-29T21:34:37Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#8bb71612-e869-4be2-8d5f-18cf3d879aff that's funny. when i read gwen's comment about being drawn to people in psychic pain, i gasped. it resonated deeply.. but then i read dave's comment, and agreed with that as well. i think that is true about the not needing so much to "fix" someone (because i have never met an INFJ who is arrogant enough to think s/he has the power to do that) as it is to guide them, holding their hands, along a healthier path.. does that make sense? i think there's a vacuity to those who have never suffered. i'm happy for them, but the water is too shallow for me to swim for very long. Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:56:47 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#8bb71612-e869-4be2-8d5f-18cf3d879aff breathe!! 2008-08-19T13:56:47Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#fa21651c-c7eb-4846-a38c-ba3aadcab5f7 I don't know if most INFJs are really female, or just that not as many guys know themselves as well as you do, and so might "test" as an INTJ even though they really are INFJ, probably skewing the results unconsciously. My ISTJ ex first tested as an INTJ because he was answering the way he thought he was "supposed to" answer. I am extremely suspicious of differences among genders in the personality types...it just doesn't make sense to me that they wouldn't be pretty evenly split. Thu, 14 Aug 2008 21:31:26 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#fa21651c-c7eb-4846-a38c-ba3aadcab5f7 Rachel 2008-08-14T21:31:26Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#18c828ae-bdb8-40b4-85d2-f08ada0b06a8 "What I think it really comes down to, is that infj's are very sensitive caring people that it makes being a male with this personality very hard in the US society." WOW! I am so surprised to hear this from a str8 guy - but the assessment is absolutely correct. This is why European men and some very-large-city gay guys are much more easy for us to interact with. The mainstream culture has no idea what to do with us. This was the issue with my father's rejection of me - I think he knew I was gay and sensitive from the get-go, and it just freaked him totally out because there was no place for me in society. Well, we had Liberace and Wayne Flowers and Madame. And I always suspected that Flip Wilson and Geraldine - well... I often characterize it as knowing exactly what it is like to be a transgendered person because my hardware and software are wired just like women describe their experience, but I love my male persona way too much to ever even consider such a thing as a sex change. But I TOTALLY get it. And Gwen - WOW. I disagree with that person's advice, and I will explain. At least, that is not my experience. I think we are attracted to people who may still be psychic pain, but also to those who have passed through the veil already and who have totally healed their inner psyche. These two types of people are the only ones who are playing on the same field as we are. We understand what it is like to be injured emotionally by others, and we find that we can only trust those who experience the profound extremes of emotion that are our hallmark. I think is has nothing to do with wanting to "fix" people as it is trying to educate them and to show them a doorway that leads them to perceive the collective consciousness that we are all a part of. LOVE YOU ALL MADLY dave Thu, 14 Aug 2008 03:40:10 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#18c828ae-bdb8-40b4-85d2-f08ada0b06a8 Dave 2008-08-14T03:40:10Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#217db323-8cf0-4bf8-a89a-d1a1814ea771 An older INFJ taught me something very interesting....he said this about INFJ's and relationships: INFJ's are highly empathic and are pulled to those people that are seriously damaged. We tend to be highly protective of our inner-selves and the only ones that can get through (our protective barrier) generally are those in a great deal of psychic pain- we want to fix them so that we don't have to feel their pain. We must go with our spirit on that as we will make the world a better place however we must make sure we actively seek healthy people who will bring balance into our lives or the damaged people can ruin you. I have been through this over and over again. It's amazing actually that I did not see my own cycle. Has any one else shared this experience? Sat, 09 Aug 2008 00:07:33 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#217db323-8cf0-4bf8-a89a-d1a1814ea771 Gwen 2008-08-09T00:07:33Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#d6afd474-e999-45d5-84f7-a1d3b2e39c00 www.INFJ.com Go to google and punch in INFJ handbook...it's brilliant! Fri, 08 Aug 2008 23:38:56 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#d6afd474-e999-45d5-84f7-a1d3b2e39c00 Gwen 2008-08-08T23:38:56Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#b677d20c-fb41-42f4-a926-1d75f654c4eb Wow, Joshua, we are living the same life only I am gay. I am very slight of build, very isolated, and have always been single. You are not alone. Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:18:00 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#b677d20c-fb41-42f4-a926-1d75f654c4eb Dave 2008-07-24T18:18:00Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#79413d1d-511d-4cb5-8ade-27e4e003979b It sounds trite, but eHarmony actually worked pretty well for me. Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:48:54 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#79413d1d-511d-4cb5-8ade-27e4e003979b Waylon 2008-07-23T12:48:54Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a02b60b3-2675-4a2c-a49f-4f72acaff41a I will say as an infj male, I have never been in any sort of relationship for which I am very sad. Really tho, I can't figure out for the life of me how to even get into to one no matter how I try. Honestly I tend to come off as feminine to many people which is just one of many problems for me. One thing that happens to me, oh how I hate this, is that I get asked if I am gay multiple times a week by new people. I am not even the smallest bit interested in guys or trying to act gay in the slightest. What I think it really comes down to, is that infj's are very sensitive caring people that it makes being a male with this personality very hard in the US society. I have even worked hard physical labor jobs since I was 11 when I started to work a full time job as well as school, but even doing that I never really put on that much muscle size because my body is a type that doesn't put on weight tho I do have a fair amount of strength tho. What do you do as a male who is very strong infj to find someone. I really truly want to meet someone, not for sex, but to be able to love someone as i just feel so lonely without someone else. Does anyone have suggestions on how to meet someone as a person like myself. While I understand that people who haven't been in my situation can offer advice, hearing from someone who has gone thru the same thing, or the same type of person would always be best. I do understand that most infj are female tho. Tue, 22 Jul 2008 03:05:28 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a02b60b3-2675-4a2c-a49f-4f72acaff41a Joshua 2008-07-22T03:05:28Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#8d1073a5-0557-4553-a4bb-451801e3f5ba I totally relate as well to this problem. Right now most of my friends are gone for the summer and I have the hardest time getting out and meeting people by myself, without any social structure like work or classes etc. I am pretty young, so it is not too weird, but I still feel like it is strange that I haven't really dated much. I have high expectations of people and don't want to put myself out there with someone I don't know, can't trust. Because I am pretty open with people...I am vulnerable. So I tend to keep up my guard and I am not entirely sure how I built it up and how to let it down...in casual group situations. I do so with close friends...but difficult to explain. I am intense too, but I think the INFJ intensity is somehow different. I am not superficial much.... don't enjoy these relationships that lack depth. I end up giving and giving and it only serves to drain me. I get nothing in return. I just recently developed an intense, strong feeling for someone older that was for a while in a position of authority. I feel like I can sense feelings or energy.... but my intuition/feelings and logic sometimes clash, leaving me in a state of confusion. I don't have as much confidence in relationships due to inexperience etc. that doesn't help. Sun, 20 Jul 2008 07:20:45 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#8d1073a5-0557-4553-a4bb-451801e3f5ba Emily 2008-07-20T07:20:45Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#bb6f0f87-1b65-4a28-a87f-55bfc1e6c926 I'm just speechless that we share this seeming obstacle. I can remember going on a second date exactly once in my entire life. Fascinating. Mon, 02 Jun 2008 04:53:54 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#bb6f0f87-1b65-4a28-a87f-55bfc1e6c926 Dave 2008-06-02T04:53:54Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#b6424ab4-3802-43b1-96ff-01014789f273 Phew I'm glad to hear other INFJ's don't have much dating experience either! I think its right that it is due to being "too intense" as I've been called that my whole life, and I even find I can't make friends becuause I can't stand waiting around for months and months to get past the "smalltalk phase" And well if you don't have any friends, you dont go out much, don't meet anybody anyway.... Though I have to say even when I do go out (say with my colleagues) I might meet people/ get approached, but they always seem to be the wrong person. So for me "dating" is a bit of a foreign concept. Sat, 31 May 2008 15:08:38 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#b6424ab4-3802-43b1-96ff-01014789f273 Hidley 2008-05-31T15:08:38Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a2c5deb7-60eb-4020-8392-5978a716856b I tend to dive into someone's mind, roll around in their thoughts, then hunt out all the little secrets. I'm a passionate person, so it extends to many categories, but I don't do the casual sex scene. I was married for a very long time, thus I felt lost when I had to go back into the dating scene; however, I do believe INFJ's tend to draw people like a magnet. I had no problem weeding through the possibilities, as I'm very open and honest ( I just tell it like it is ), but the partner I chose is a bit daunted by my constant curiosity. :o) For some reason, I just can't stand anything hidden from me. But at least I had let guys know that up front. It's funny how they seem so cool about it, then cringe when you "discover" one of their secrets. lol Tue, 20 May 2008 02:02:05 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a2c5deb7-60eb-4020-8392-5978a716856b ♪♪Catmeow♪♪ 2008-05-20T02:02:05Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#9fb890c2-10ab-4455-a350-2dbb447d5064 Hehe ok i feel it's not the fact that i am not as introverted as before but rather the challenge i took against myself when i got tired of not getting anything but friends form the opposite gender. Lets get serious as INFJ's we are looking all the time for the utmost perfect relationship, or should i say we dream the whole time of it :D Still we don't make the first move we are too shy and feel we have nothing to say, may misinterpret our intuitive feeling of the lack of attraction toward us at the beginning from the opposite gender as no attraction whatsoever. So the real problem is we don't give us a chance to get the relationship we are longing for! I find INFJ's to be the best lovers ever, lets start with our far developed empathy and our strive to make the best of every relationship we get into. (let's don't get into sex we all know we are that perfect when satisfying our partners ;)) We are by far the one who will best understand our partners and be for them anytime, as well as giving them space when needed, so the long term relationship needs are already there; is it the exiting part we might be missing? The thing is we are actually real complex individuals, as complex as it gets ;) but we just don't feel like opening ourselves 100% to anyone. I must say just a couple of people close to me really know who i am (and by a couple i do mean 2 hehe ok maybe 3), still i do notice how they are so interested in me, always seeking to hear what i have to say and bring me to some of their crazy adventures, because they love my company! I guess that's why they say opposites attract. Me being not as introverted anymore i like to get out sometimes and enjoy myself with this close friends i have. Then the miracle happens i don't need to open myself to anyone else i just totally open myself to my close friends and before i even notice people already have their eyes on us. We don't need to make the great approach, we get approached by "E's" all the time, just longing to have as much fun as we do. Then it doesn't get any difficult since they already started the conversation you can get to the "make them feel what you want them to feel" phase. No hard work, approaches are from little groups so no tension at all. Anyway looking for the right person?? just be there where his/her personality traits influence him/her to be. bring your closest one's with you and you shall find her/him in no time ;) I just started to do so, so i guess it's still in prove phase, but i've already met lovely unique girls with great potential :D Mon, 19 May 2008 16:41:30 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#9fb890c2-10ab-4455-a350-2dbb447d5064 Marco 2008-05-19T16:41:30Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#b406fd3e-996b-4561-850a-f445d666d381 Hmm. I waited to have sex until i was 18, to avoid that whole dreaded 'high school pregnant girl' thing. After that, i went nuts. People often think I'm extroverted because I can 'fake' social nicities...but yes, I went on a huge dating spree once I hit college. Every week, it was a new guy, and I made out with so many people...but it's not hard to do in the early college years if you're reasonably attractive. About halfway through, I started tiring of the club scene, the dating scene. I cut my fun buddy (the only time I'll have a purely sexual relationship is if it's a long term one) off...he was quite upset, but understood in the long run, it was best for me...and then I began to focus on finding someone who would adore me instead of thinking of me as the proverbial scratching post. I did find someone that adored me, but I didn't adore him at all. I was only 25% attracted to him in the first place, but he clung, and it was nice having someone who clung to me for once. We dated 9 months before I cut him off under the excuse that I was graduating and moving home, which i was...but it truly was just a convenient and easy way to dump him. Since him, there's been no one 'long term', though since I fall fast and hard, and take things so seriously, I wouldn't say they weren't serious relationships... I know why they end though...is because I fall so fast and hard and take the relationship so seriously that men...freak, for lack of better words. And while I'm good for about 2 weeks of flirtation/light dating, after that, i start to freak out because I want them to feel more strongly for me at that point and I want to establish a formal relationship... Not saying everyone else is wrong...I just know my patterns and how they operate. I now know that I need a more sensitive man (though I hate men who cry all the time), and one who 'clings'. Most people take that badly, and I don't mean it that way. I just need someone who attaches much more quickly than the general male population. It's taken years for me to learn that I cannot go after just any old guy...and in fact, can't chase at all..tends to lead me down wrong paths if I pursue. Mon, 19 May 2008 15:39:57 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#b406fd3e-996b-4561-850a-f445d666d381 Lexie 2008-05-19T15:39:57Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#55ebe225-4b74-4031-8c12-27b452c894a0 Oh, I also wanted to say, I was very surprised to find that I now am finding sex for just pleasure w/out the bond really isn't all that interesting to me. Never thought that would happen being male. Ha Ha. Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:39:39 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#55ebe225-4b74-4031-8c12-27b452c894a0 Steve 2008-01-16T14:39:39Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ee126c0d-5501-477b-989b-28f6eeb13273 I'm 27 and have been single for over a year now. I've had two long term relationships in the past, both ending quite badly. In these relationships, I was extremely codependent. I used to do the constant asking of questions: 1) do you love me 2) are you sure 3) are you really sure 4) are you ok ... I'm also a Leo so I'm assuming my need for attention added to my problems ... anyway I worked w/ a psych on these issues and I'm now just starting a friendship w/ a woman (my first one since my divorce) who I finally absolutely amazing. If I had my choice we'd already be living together. She is keeping things as friends. She is slow to trust, to open up. What I have found in analyzing this relationship and my others is: having the NF is great. I like physical intimacy, I like getting to know someone's soul, etc. But you have to let the J have some say, too. Like do I really want to deal w/ the consequences of moving in with someone after only knowing them for a short time? Also, I have found that now I value myself more so I don't mind as much seeing her once a week. I can continue to work out, stay up on paying the bills, do my own thing, etc. instead of spending all my time w/ her. What I find I do now is I enjoy the bond that is "slowly" being created much more. I finally got her to sing to some classic rock w/ me (we both have terrible voices). In past relationships, I would have mentally gone on to "the next thing I need to do." Now, I just enjoy the moment, I can look back on it and smile. I also believe that I have to respect her wishes as well. To have a soulmate, you need a mate and that mate will have his/her ideas. So if she wants to move slow, who am I to push her. Now, that doesn't mean I can't be honest w/ her about how I feel. Anyway, I'm just babbling now ... I think that's all I had to say :) Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:37:19 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ee126c0d-5501-477b-989b-28f6eeb13273 Steve 2008-01-16T14:37:19Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#dcf53655-8b27-4d58-bfb9-b52e93d7911b Hi Kirsten, I seem to be somewhat in your shoes currently and if you want to talk about this more, let me know. I found your comments on dependency to be interesting as I was recently contemplating that same kind of view. What I think I discovered is that it is not really dependency for me but more of a complete unwillingness to let go of the intimacy and emotional closeness. Or maybe you can call that dependency, I don't know. For me, it's as if I hate letting go of the bond that has been created. It seems wasteful or something. Anyway let me know what you think. Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:12:30 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#dcf53655-8b27-4d58-bfb9-b52e93d7911b Adjara 2008-01-11T21:12:30Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#26c3b8fb-7a15-417f-b44e-8ccd4b42454f Another one for the too-quick too-intense group. I'm the same way, I can't seem to date casually, and physical-only stuff does make me form a bond of some sort even if it's a terrible idea. I've been serial dating for a while now, but it always ends up hurting like hell, and I think maybe the only way to go now is to take a hiatus until someone AMAZING comes along and wants to go as full-force as I do. Sun, 30 Dec 2007 04:00:06 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#26c3b8fb-7a15-417f-b44e-8ccd4b42454f Rachel 2007-12-30T04:00:06Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#b3ba17f4-b4bd-44db-952c-c76b265321e3 my first dates tend to be like 8 or ten hours too..kinda weird. they're never supposed to be Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:47:56 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#b3ba17f4-b4bd-44db-952c-c76b265321e3 littlewolfcss 2007-12-01T23:47:56Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ecb4765f-9efe-4ee5-ac4e-6754ba323fac I've only been in love once, with someone who i was with but knew there was no feasible future we weren't compatible. and she was working through serious issues. it was very hard. Fortunately, after we broke up i did eventually fall out of love with her, and her me, and now we are friends. that was six years ago-and I haven't fallen again Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:42:34 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ecb4765f-9efe-4ee5-ac4e-6754ba323fac littlewolfcss 2007-12-01T23:42:34Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#2e105e25-6d88-4eb2-b26c-110b9a4bd912 yup--this is my story to a T. But I've been in therapy and single for the last year and a half, refusing even to date while i hopefully work through it Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:35:35 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#2e105e25-6d88-4eb2-b26c-110b9a4bd912 littlewolfcss 2007-12-01T23:35:35Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#78a28b62-5140-49ed-be60-b202124ddf81 women end up getting really deep with me really quick. And I am ok with that, but I still want to keep things on a stated casual level. i think the mixed messages I put out about it upset alot of women though. Unfortunately, it is not possible to have a superficial relationship with me--even though I may want to take things super slow! Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:27:21 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#78a28b62-5140-49ed-be60-b202124ddf81 littlewolfcss 2007-12-01T23:27:21Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#65b529a7-855e-4b93-ae43-fa3448deb886 haha i can find someone easy enough...I just never find someone thats good for me. it's gotten so bad I am avoiding talking to any cute women or going to gay bars for fear I might meet someone Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:24:39 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#65b529a7-855e-4b93-ae43-fa3448deb886 littlewolfcss 2007-12-01T23:24:39Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#df50cb89-aa13-4834-aab3-efeaf9fe8b4e http://www.myspace.com/littlewolf did someone say myspace? Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:22:42 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#df50cb89-aa13-4834-aab3-efeaf9fe8b4e littlewolfcss 2007-12-01T23:22:42Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#6fffe4db-1e8c-4392-aaf4-3b10a2d26a74 it takes me a very long time of being single/celibate after a difficult breakup..or after being involved in a crazy/dramatic dating situation...before i will venture out again. Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:20:43 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#6fffe4db-1e8c-4392-aaf4-3b10a2d26a74 littlewolfcss 2007-12-01T23:20:43Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ec6743d5-0de9-46a6-a6a1-1b28f57ca2c1 I didn't really start dating or having sex until I was 25. I was VERY introverted and anti-social in my teens and early twenties. Dating and having sex really just wasn't a priority for me. I really threw myself into being by myself. It was the loneliness and most frustrating time in my life, which i will never repeat again. A hard lesson I learned in appreciating the value of friendships and being a sociable person. Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:34:04 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ec6743d5-0de9-46a6-a6a1-1b28f57ca2c1 Shawn 2007-11-27T03:34:04Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#957c9ba1-488b-4c90-97d5-a9c10c768238 How did I miss this topic? Oh yes, I was in the midst of a very intense relationship: 1st date, 8 hours, second date was 4 days. It was the most intense emotional thing ever in my life. Over now, though. Mon, 15 Oct 2007 06:11:01 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#957c9ba1-488b-4c90-97d5-a9c10c768238 Ocean Earth, Bodhichitta Aspiring 2007-10-15T06:11:01Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#321c86b7-2437-4dea-a68a-ea1d5d5999b0 I've also fallen into the "too intense" category. In fact, I think nearly every person I've dated or been with I've been too intense with. Generally it's turned people off and I've found myself contemplating my insanity as to why I felt one way while my partner felt another. Thankfully I met my now fiance when I was 19 and we've been together for nearly 8 years but had down time sometime in there. That down time was no exception to my intensity because I met someone who I totally fell for, who was similar to me and super empathetic and highly, highly intelligent. He was just as intense and it was amazing sex..ahh yes, amazing sex!!..lol but he was a wee bit older than me and I was in such a transition at that point in my life that I called it off by not moving in with him. He really wanted me to move in after just a few weeks. It was so very tempting and I still wonder where I'd be if I said yes. It was a hard decision but I knew I couldn't move in with someone so soon! Plus I still wasn't over my relationship. It's interesting now that I think about it because he was giving me the same intensity I was putting out. It just wasn't the right time, pr perhaps the right lifetime, or the right relationship looking back on it. I still do think about him even though I'm happily engaged, he was a wonderful man. I loved the time we had together. Wed, 10 Oct 2007 07:07:59 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#321c86b7-2437-4dea-a68a-ea1d5d5999b0 Julie 2007-10-10T07:07:59Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#c1a615f3-7dd6-4478-a42e-4a19089cfb82 Just wanted to say - I too fall in the "too intense" category. I have such a thirst to know and understand, so I poke around and pry into every bit. I had a strange romantic/dating/relationship with a fellow who made my heart pitter patter and my brain whirr as the wheels turned. When he told me he felt like I was going at a break-neck speed, I attempted to slow down. And when he voiced his reservations, I tried to look both ways and maintain a reasonable perspective. As it turned out, I fell in love with him and he didn't fall in love with me. This was a deal-breaker for him. He very likely didn't mean to, but he broke my heart. I've dated quite a few guys and I'm coming to detest one night stands, or even short-term dating that involves sex more and more. Because whatever I do, it seems impossible for me to go halfway without getting hurt (even when I'm the one breaking things off!) I've also found that if I have sex with a person that I feel so-so about, I am more likely to want to continue being involved with the person than I did before we had sex which is....questionable. So, I am all about logical, practical ways of dealing with issues. Independence, autonomy, and integrity are all very important to me. But it seems to only go so far before different rules start applying. At the same time, I'm not sure I wouldn't be scared away myself if someone were to show the same intensity and devotion I seem to be looking for. Wed, 10 Oct 2007 06:28:17 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#c1a615f3-7dd6-4478-a42e-4a19089cfb82 Leah 2007-10-10T06:28:17Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#5535dcf2-ee28-4665-b532-8ca25f40676e Mark - Your myspace friends make me happy. Tue, 25 Sep 2007 20:09:09 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#5535dcf2-ee28-4665-b532-8ca25f40676e Shawn 2007-09-25T20:09:09Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#21131b27-5930-449f-9422-a54b4fc7372e thats really great! M www.alchemicalshadows.com www.myspace.com/geometricprimitiv www.blackicemagazine.com www.forteantimes.com/features/articles/106/reengineering_the_ark.html When one is searching for the edge it's surprising to find that you are it. Tue, 25 Sep 2007 18:58:26 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#21131b27-5930-449f-9422-a54b4fc7372e Mark 2007-09-25T18:58:26Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#e756488b-f6f6-45e2-9a3b-72eb8c78228a Intense. Fri, 14 Sep 2007 19:24:14 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#e756488b-f6f6-45e2-9a3b-72eb8c78228a Waylon 2007-09-14T19:24:14Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#70460670-d663-42db-95d3-007fa457776b Mark - Ur photo creeps me out! Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:48:39 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#70460670-d663-42db-95d3-007fa457776b Shawn 2007-09-14T18:48:39Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a2a92743-7255-41fb-b81f-1e21cb6312ff Sun, July 8, 2007 - 5:18 PM Re: infj's, dating, and sex "We identify too much with other people and put too much of ourselves into sex to knowingly use others on the rebound. " Good point...also putting oneself so much into it makes it more of a difficulty to have something casual with a person they don't know well...at least for myself. Thanks, Muse. I think I will find this an insightful place. - same here. thought it was me just being insular again... but apparently its a trait. M Wed, 12 Sep 2007 15:33:27 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a2a92743-7255-41fb-b81f-1e21cb6312ff Mark 2007-09-12T15:33:27Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#23c806ab-2c8d-406c-a3d4-3152719014a3 I had the exact same problem, i had a girl i really liked, we only dated for 6 months. We broke up a couple times and finally never got back together, but i kept wanting to be with her, and she would say she wasnt ready for a relationship yet. Well anyway....this went on for 3 years, i would start to give up, and she'd do something to give me hope again. After the 3 years i asked her again what she wanted, this time she said well i just want to screw around...your the kind of guy i'd want to marry. So after 3 years and many times realizing that this was just hurting me, i finally threw in the towel and told her have fun. She tried to get me to stick around and wait but i was tired of it, and let me tell you...it was by far the best decision of my life! two months after i threw in the towel i met the girl i'm with now and we've been together for 1yr 9mo with no break-ups in between! You have to let yourself let go of that x, lets call her sam, because if your anything like me, anytime i started to get into a relationship...even though i wasnt with "sam" i felt guilty and couldn't do it. Once i officially threw in the towel for good, that feeling of guilt was gone and i could go on with my life! Sun, 09 Sep 2007 19:05:28 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#23c806ab-2c8d-406c-a3d4-3152719014a3 Tom 2007-09-09T19:05:28Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#842c8bb4-dc32-48cb-a863-5e60306f43d1 I've been with an INFJ in a serious relationship for almost 3 years now - it's been by far the most intense (in a good way) relationship I've ever been in. I've never connected so well emotionally or intellectually before. I've dated a lot before we met and I always knew I wanted, but didn't find it until I met my INFJ. I think it can be greatest matchup possible as long as both people are at that stage in their lives. The INFJ is more likely to know what they want even at a young age, in my opinion. I've always had wanderlust before and I could see how If I met the same person when I was too young - i might not appreciated how great the person is. I've come to think that there is something too that specific type match that is ideal over others. Maybe I'm more emotionally more aware than other ENTPs, or she's more logical and detached than other INFJs. I usually had isssues with people who met my intellectual needs - as too cold and unaware of others. While people who were very aware and connected (usually other NFs) - needed too much affirmation or let emotions cloud their thinking when debating topics of an academic or intellectual nature. Thu, 06 Sep 2007 21:07:01 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#842c8bb4-dc32-48cb-a863-5e60306f43d1 meanlittlechimp 2007-09-06T21:07:01Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a7063c6f-b0ae-48e1-b40b-f567b4dbe27b I have been in love twice. Somehow, I beleive my version of love runs much more deeply than most people I know. I am an INTJ, but I find that I act as you do, Lightyear.... getting deep into it very quickly, leaving no chance for emotional retreat. I can definitely relate to the very picky thing, too. Either a girl really does it for me, and I am interested, and I know it very quickly, or not. As I have answered a similar question before, I tend to leap with my heart, but I quickly steer with my head. It is one of the things that makes *being in love* so fun and unpredictable for me... and not fun at the same time. I so don't like the uncertainty of a new relationship, but I do like feeling alive! I don't freak out as I am doing though. My mind is made up when I enter into it. And yes, we can be very serious about our relationships, and we will tell you so. Just curious, have any of you ever tried dating an ENTP, or ENFP? If so, how did it turn out? I don't know very many INFJ's. I would like to. Sun, 29 Jul 2007 22:38:22 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a7063c6f-b0ae-48e1-b40b-f567b4dbe27b Wyatt 2007-07-29T22:38:22Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#7272105f-d889-4244-8309-3c8142190fac "We identify too much with other people and put too much of ourselves into sex to knowingly use others on the rebound. " Good point...also putting oneself so much into it makes it more of a difficulty to have something casual with a person they don't know well...at least for myself. Thanks, Muse. I think I will find this an insightful place. Mon, 09 Jul 2007 00:18:48 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#7272105f-d889-4244-8309-3c8142190fac Kirsten 2007-07-09T00:18:48Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#47513961-3ab4-4241-8fd9-11ad065e1647 "So does the saying, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else," ring true for INFJ's in general?" — Kirsten I would guess [and strictly a guess] that this is generally not true INFJs. We identify too much with other people and put too much of ourselves into sex to knowingly use others on the rebound. [: Glad to have you in the tribe! :] Fri, 06 Jul 2007 05:37:42 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#47513961-3ab4-4241-8fd9-11ad065e1647 Muse 2007-07-06T05:37:42Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#70c000df-7bd7-4e83-b737-032000eab6fb Thanks, Waylon. I'm more curious than anything about being an INFJ, as I'm finding this Myers-Briggs personality thing fascinating once again. I recently retook the test (last time was in 94) and was somewhat surprised to get the same result. So does the saying, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else," ring true for INFJ's in general? ;) Somehow I don't see it...but who knows. Fri, 06 Jul 2007 05:27:16 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#70c000df-7bd7-4e83-b737-032000eab6fb Kirsten 2007-07-06T05:27:16Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#25f86a0b-8ee1-4f76-805a-948c1220d03e Welcome to the group, Kirsten! Don't worry, though. You're perfectly normal as far as INFJ's go. Sometimes, I think, we INFJ's have an especially hard time letting go of past relationships, especially if we're not *sure* that it's over. Thu, 05 Jul 2007 13:58:16 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#25f86a0b-8ee1-4f76-805a-948c1220d03e Waylon 2007-07-05T13:58:16Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#7ed3c58b-899a-419f-bc50-28651a7e23d6 I'm new here, but in my quest to find some peace or answers regarding my current situation will share my thoughts. :) I too have fallen deep and fast in my past relationships...the ones where I didn't are the ones I ended things with very quickly out of lack of interest or being turned off by something about them. I usually stay too long in my serious relationships, trying to make things work when I *really* should be learning how to let go and care for myself. I also have had problems with being too dependent on partners, even though I am quite independent in many other ways. Is this not a 'normal' thing for INFJs? Just curious. I've been single for several years after a serious breakup, loving my independence and solitude for the most part (I'm also shy and have some social phobic/anxiety problems), and learning to explore other aspects of life, including trying to get out more and make friends. I met someone a while back. So many things were so eerily similar in our lives it couldn't be ignored, not to mention a very strong attraction and bond between us, that we both did fall quickly. But it didn't last too long, or rather we chose to end it...issues surrounding previous long-term relationships seem to not be resolved for either of us, and they happen to be issues that tie in very well together between us--involving dependency, for one. Problem is, we can't seem to let go of one another entirely and at this point I'm not sure what to think about it any longer! Saying we're friends is one thing, but knowing we cannot be alone together in order to stay 'just friends' makes things more difficult, especially since we do often end up alone. I've never been one who just went out and casually dated very often...I've tried it here and there but not with any sort of plan to meet lots of guys or Mr. Right, it usually just happened (I was asked out, in most cases). Every time I think about trying to work towards dating new people, of my own volition (social anxiety issues aside), the ex and I seem to be hanging out more often again. Gah! It's just confusing. So there's my story about the whole topic. Oh, and though I have no interest in one-night stands, I would (and sometimes do) try to have a casual thing with the ex...if only those damn emotions didn't cause problems. ;) Am I a 'typical' INFJ? I don't know, I need to learn more about what would help one though. :) Thu, 05 Jul 2007 06:45:02 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#7ed3c58b-899a-419f-bc50-28651a7e23d6 Kirsten 2007-07-05T06:45:02Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#70a8a118-574c-4b6c-b2db-36453829d313 this gives me alot to think about-thanks Wed, 02 May 2007 00:59:16 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#70a8a118-574c-4b6c-b2db-36453829d313 littlewolfcss 2007-05-02T00:59:16Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ab9bd21e-e8d3-401e-9b2c-099a5362339c I thought it might be helpful to you to tell you that the turning point for me in my confrontation of that "pattern" was I had to first become aware of and address some irrational beleifs which were keeping me inside my "comfort zone". I sought out perpetual rescuing because I was good at being everyone's emotional Lassie, I knew I could be good at it. It was that ability to listen in a crisis, an artist's hands, and booksmarts which were the three pillars of my self esteem. But I told myself that I wasn't really anything but inept when it came to playing any other role, that had no basis in fact. I told myself I could never be sexy. I told myself I could never be that interesting, or fun, unless someone else had the same bookworm's idea of fun. What I didn't beleive was that anyone would ever want my company just for it's own sake, that I didn't need to create incentive for people to be around me. We throw the word around often in popular culture. Security vs Insecurity. But really, most people feel secure with themselves in some ways, they know what they've done well in the past and that's what seems to keep them glued into playing the same role even as they complain about it being "stuck". Most people are insecure about things in themselves too, even if they are very self actualized. Sometimes it's rational, we all have some real limitations emotionally and cognatively and it varies from person to person... but much of it is based on just taking failure too hard in a particular area and deciding that one will never be good at that thing when one just needs to try harder and not give up. After all, just because some parts of character development don't come as easy as others, doesn't mean they aren't worth working on. I had to actively push myself to challenge my perceived weaknesses. It meant going out to places where I didn't have my art, wasn't playing emotional rescuer, and where it wasn't an academic setting, where I made friends and learned to connect with people in ways I thought I could never connect with them. Once that happened, and it took some time and doing, I wasn't stuck to my pattern anymore because I felt like I had more to offer people with my company than what I was limiting myself to out of "fear of failure" It took some time, and I will tell you that sometimes I had to persistantly try to be good at things I just wasn't good at immediately. Once I limited myself a few months to approaching women, for instance, only worrying about the mechanics of flirtatinion (something I thought I was terrible at). My first attempts were nervous and comical, could probably be great sitcom material, I felt very stupid. I got over it and kept trying, wondering if I was going to be like the cartoon "Johnny Bravo". The hardest thing was confronting the fear of anyone sizing me up, finding me wanting, and walking away thinking "what a dork". I had to learn that some people will do that, and so what, it's not worth letting people who feel the way the feel get in the way of meeting people who'll like the flirtation. I forbid myself to get intellectual. I went to dance clubs where music was blasting like an Atom Bomb so that all one could do is dance and flirt, but not converse. Eventually I got over it, started getting numbers from people who were just having a good time and didn't need "rescuing". After limiting myself to that for long enough to confront that irrational limitation I beleived I had, and becoming good at handling flirtation, I was able to go back and re-include my desire to also have a good intellectual bond with the flirtation. So I ask you, are you perhaps in a pattern because it's your comfort zone? Are there ways that people relate to one another romantically that you have convinced yourself you'd never be good at like I did.... that you somehow need your strengths to cover for your weaknesses? You might be stronger than you think :) And it's good news because it opens up the possibilities one day of enjoying the kinds of social contact one obseves others having with wistfully mild envy as one broods. Note, I never became a "playa" or anything, but I no longer felt terrible or weak in engaging people on a flirty sexual level. Once that happened, I knew I had enough to offer people just by being there... that I didn't need to call my strengths into every situation to prove my worthyness for company. I hope, really, that those insights which broke my pattern help you to break yours. Sun, 29 Apr 2007 14:28:32 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ab9bd21e-e8d3-401e-9b2c-099a5362339c Bruecke Bautraeger 2007-04-29T14:28:32Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ca11d416-cc7f-4458-9835-8c28072a2b03 what schmen said that is, about needing to rescue people and then having a bad case of drama on my hands Sun, 29 Apr 2007 06:15:09 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ca11d416-cc7f-4458-9835-8c28072a2b03 littlewolfcss 2007-04-29T06:15:09Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ba90ae34-337c-48bf-a107-c61f84274d06 this is my story with women! I am in therapy now dealing with it, or trying to, and have steadfastly remained single and celibate for the past year because I kept meeting women that were really bad for me Sun, 29 Apr 2007 06:11:11 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ba90ae34-337c-48bf-a107-c61f84274d06 littlewolfcss 2007-04-29T06:11:11Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#d8c2ef8d-b376-43e9-8468-fb5bca763efe Tell me something I don't know! Kidding, thanks for this. Tue, 17 Apr 2007 16:20:07 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#d8c2ef8d-b376-43e9-8468-fb5bca763efe Shawn 2007-04-17T16:20:07Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#67874da7-4c92-4ce6-b307-f68640343371 Joayn: "It took a hard rejection from someone I was not in love with but had opened up to in other ways too deeply and did not see who he really was until the damage was done." Y'know, *that's* something else I'm really bad about. I tend to gloss over or just not even see people's faults until it's too late. It's like I have an idealized picture of someone in my head, and eventually the reality doesn't measure up to the idea image. Thus, while I do have some real gripes with some of my ex-girlfriends, I also have to admit that some of it was brought on myself. I've gotten better about it, but that was a tough realization to make. Tue, 17 Apr 2007 12:38:36 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#67874da7-4c92-4ce6-b307-f68640343371 Waylon 2007-04-17T12:38:36Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#94a61a44-b692-4c8e-88cb-fafe783eba6c I'm in the same boat. I normally fall head-over-heels for a guy immediately & that scares him off. I'm trying to hold back this time. Mon, 16 Apr 2007 23:10:37 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#94a61a44-b692-4c8e-88cb-fafe783eba6c Samantha 2007-04-16T23:10:37Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#9c9b7a28-2dce-41bb-a98e-cdb8679883e4 Thanks for your post Heather. I too have learned the hard way, and am trying now after a very long hiatus to learn to date more rationally... It took a hard rejection from someone I was not in love with but had opened up to in other ways too deeply and did not see who he really was until the damage was done. It was not fun but shook me enough to learn to be much more careful now. What I love about tribenet is seeing I am not alone in my ways and we're all really quite ok and learning! Mon, 16 Apr 2007 20:09:10 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#9c9b7a28-2dce-41bb-a98e-cdb8679883e4 Dantien 2007-04-16T20:09:10Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#992b35ad-c037-4beb-9302-29a8f8637bf6 right, I have experienced the same "way too intense" headlong rush into relationships in the past. And now I know why the chicken needs to look twice before crossing the road. Because that sweet empathy and desire to love someone else often leaves one open for easy manipulation if we don't take a long look at our partner first. And my heart on my sleeve has had the Mexican hat dance on it one too many times. Now, casual dating is the only way I will go, if at all. Really, I'm on a dating hiatus since late last year. I've been open to the idea of dating again if I meet someone worthwhile, but honestly, learning how to use my "emotional brakes" has already proven invaluable in these past few months and has spared me needless drama and heartache. By learning how to take it slowly, and not throw my heavy expectations onto someone else, I have stood up for myself and said "no" to dating offers by potential suitors that I can now clearly see they are not healthy, nor even good, for me. Mon, 16 Apr 2007 18:25:46 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#992b35ad-c037-4beb-9302-29a8f8637bf6 Heather 2007-04-16T18:25:46Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#8868f349-fd10-4de2-b777-fdeafb580849 I'd include the same caveat, but will base my non-profesional statements on the sideral based East Indian model of astrology. It is very different from western tropical, I'll read it in a few days and get back to you. Sun, 15 Apr 2007 03:07:20 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#8868f349-fd10-4de2-b777-fdeafb580849 Mark 2007-04-15T03:07:20Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#7f58ead1-11ea-4749-a733-66f8838b7220 Ok, thanks for the time. First, a couple of caveats: I am not a professional astrologer, just a student , and astrology is open to much interpretation. This should only be thought of as an impression and since astrology is a symbol system it is generative, meaning that the symbols generate meaning and one impression is not TRUTH but is rather a brief glimpse. We could talk for days on just one section of a chart. Also I speak mostly in metaphors so don't take anything literally.. Check out the Saturn in Virgo thread on Astrology tribe here at tribenet, 2 very sound professional astrologers wrote very good descriptions of some of the challenges & potentials of Saturn in Virgo. After you have read what Sherpa and Dane wrote , let me know how ( & if) you see it relevant in your life. Saturn is a hard taskmaster but he confers success in maturity, that is , later in life. You have enormous potential!! With the north node, mercury, sun & saturn conjunct in Virgo in the 10 th house... . I often think of our life as a course we sign up for....for example if your soul is an an athlete, he doesn't go for the easy hike up a hill... but when we're here we forget the ultimate task that 's the reason for the challenge we signed up for , the things we wanted to learn how to do...What ? did I sign up for mountain climbing AGAIN??? SHIT it's freezing up here! I also think that in youth we have all of these differring parts of our experience of oursleves and life and as we age we must must grow large enough to contain all the members of the inner community and have them try to get along. Romantically you have a sextile ( good) relationship between mars & venus, masculine & feminine sides of your personality, so you are attractive to the opposite sex( and the same sex too) and have the ability for your aesthetic sense of beauty and harmony to be in symetry woth your passionate nature. However, you're very independent though and can be restless and impatient both with your own needs and with other people, which is in some ways different than your sometimes shy, secretive and serious self. I would guess that you did not experience your Mom or early environment as particularly solid & nurturing, and so your own emotional needs for closeness and bonding can feel like they are in tension with your needs for independence and freedom.. being too critical of yourself is a big challenge for you ... ( see the Sat i Virgo post for more on this) That's a start.. let me know your thoughts. j Sat, 14 Apr 2007 04:33:23 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#7f58ead1-11ea-4749-a733-66f8838b7220 Dantien 2007-04-14T04:33:23Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#09824211-6810-4f7d-9dde-1c38fba7780c 11:18AM Fri, 13 Apr 2007 21:52:41 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#09824211-6810-4f7d-9dde-1c38fba7780c Shawn 2007-04-13T21:52:41Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ff22aff1-c98b-47f2-9dcd-ab02f078c19c if you can find the exact time , check your birth certificate or ask your Mom, it would be best to determine the real chart layout & moon placement. Looks like you have a LOT of Virgo, with saturn conjunct the sun & venus... more with exact time... Fri, 13 Apr 2007 18:54:07 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ff22aff1-c98b-47f2-9dcd-ab02f078c19c Dantien 2007-04-13T18:54:07Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ee06800b-a370-4e6f-8a66-0646aed34dc6 colorado springs, and I'm not sure what time (I think 3pm). And, yes, we do change, but all in the frame of who were are. Fri, 13 Apr 2007 18:31:49 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ee06800b-a370-4e6f-8a66-0646aed34dc6 Shawn 2007-04-13T18:31:49Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ef75be41-fd8d-4df1-8049-fb67168fdaaa Shawn: more info required to do a chart. Time and place, the more exact the better. And actually although we are who we are, we do change. Fri, 13 Apr 2007 17:11:15 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ef75be41-fd8d-4df1-8049-fb67168fdaaa Mark 2007-04-13T17:11:15Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ae4b9c65-a0ce-41e3-be66-bff572422b8f I was just thinking about that the other day. Yes, it is sad, but, at this point in my life, there are worse tragedies. There's still time. I guess sometimes we just are who we are and have to deal with it one way or another. Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:57:17 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ae4b9c65-a0ce-41e3-be66-bff572422b8f Shawn 2007-04-13T16:57:17Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#d7c735a4-d660-4cd5-9f4f-375af57da4bb 9/7/79, born in Colorado. I want all the gory details! Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:51:53 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#d7c735a4-d660-4cd5-9f4f-375af57da4bb Shawn 2007-04-13T16:51:53Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#f7c14aec-2b7d-4d78-a0ec-c0db297ea79b "I've never been in love." "Same here." Not me. I have the opposite problem. I'm *always* in love, and like so many others tend to jump headfirst into the pool without checking to see if there's water in it first. Definitely too deep too quick, to completely mix my metaphores. Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:36:34 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#f7c14aec-2b7d-4d78-a0ec-c0db297ea79b Waylon 2007-04-13T16:36:34Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a50f5e5e-e39f-4770-aeb0-0b8d3861624c INTJ's seem to be for me, too. Fri, 13 Apr 2007 04:25:52 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#a50f5e5e-e39f-4770-aeb0-0b8d3861624c Joyce 2007-04-13T04:25:52Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#dc54074a-37b4-4f4e-b00d-2e7d7de828ca Shawn, Do you know much about your astrology? If not , post your date time & place of birth & I'll do a mini reading .. Joayn Fri, 13 Apr 2007 03:16:55 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#dc54074a-37b4-4f4e-b00d-2e7d7de828ca Dantien 2007-04-13T03:16:55Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#26fb25dc-f389-4883-8de0-1adce2ea00f2 Oh, dear Shawn. That is very sad. These highs and lows are part of what makes life interesting. None us of REALLY wants drama, but a little bit, well that's being alive! Fri, 13 Apr 2007 02:13:18 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#26fb25dc-f389-4883-8de0-1adce2ea00f2 Mark 2007-04-13T02:13:18Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#10e1b929-d34b-43c6-bc76-8b39dc2a0927 Same here. Fri, 13 Apr 2007 00:37:50 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#10e1b929-d34b-43c6-bc76-8b39dc2a0927 $item.owner.firstName 2007-04-13T00:37:50Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#71b0907b-e228-439c-9305-1246f820f6ee i've never been in love. Thu, 12 Apr 2007 23:36:41 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#71b0907b-e228-439c-9305-1246f820f6ee Shawn 2007-04-12T23:36:41Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#e24cf5de-5e02-4cb8-b630-2474446be347 I often fall for the deep, intelligent, mysterious ones (a lot of INTJs) but tend to freak out as soon as things get serious. I am also very, very picky. As an INFJ I have to protect myself because as soon as I am in a relationship I get - as others on here said - deep into it very quickly, hardly leaving any chance for emotional retreat. So making wise choices is vital. Thu, 12 Apr 2007 23:20:01 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#e24cf5de-5e02-4cb8-b630-2474446be347 $item.owner.firstName 2007-04-12T23:20:01Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#41e410fc-e629-4077-9dbb-5e32358aa1c7 Amen, long after someone doesn't want you they might still think they need you, and that is usually when a relationship gets really pathetic in so many ways. People who need don't even know the difference between needing and wanting. and feeling truly wanted, a free choice by someone, divorced from concerns of necessity or dependence... is truly a magical experiance. There simply is no way to feel insecure when you know that the person you like feels that way about you :) Thu, 12 Apr 2007 20:12:42 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#41e410fc-e629-4077-9dbb-5e32358aa1c7 Bruecke Bautraeger 2007-04-12T20:12:42Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#65d4cca3-2b94-4448-ba7d-39b6a70be9fb I was pretty much always dating someone in high school through college, and even afterwards, until I realized that I was basically dating the same person over and over again, with the same predictable results. My mom once joked that I had a habit of bringing home "little lost kittens", I think implying that I was a sucker for sob stories and girls who needed "taking care of". It took me a long time to realize that what I needed (I don't like that word in this case but can't think of a better one) was not someone who needed me, but someone who was perfectly able to stand on her own. In other words, it's generally better to be wanted than needed. Thu, 12 Apr 2007 19:02:31 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#65d4cca3-2b94-4448-ba7d-39b6a70be9fb Waylon 2007-04-12T19:02:31Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#499a4abf-b1fa-4464-bbc3-15ac74e048d9 I pretty much caught on to this pattern by myself in my early twenties (although I wasn't dating). Just with friends and the people I was attracted to. Always people with serious codependent issues. I guess I lost the idea of having "fun" in relationships by the time I reached puberty. I suppose depression plays into the picture. I still am who I am, and the past plays a part in my present, but I have a much easier time having fun today rather than catering to everyone else's problems. Thu, 12 Apr 2007 17:43:01 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#499a4abf-b1fa-4464-bbc3-15ac74e048d9 Shawn 2007-04-12T17:43:01Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#195a52ea-c84a-433b-bb02-59bc3c27a03b Schmen: The sex life, hmmm. On that subject I keep my own counsel ;) After all, a lady never asks and a gentlemen nevel tells. Thu, 12 Apr 2007 12:02:24 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#195a52ea-c84a-433b-bb02-59bc3c27a03b Waylon 2007-04-12T12:02:24Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#104851ee-e89e-4cf6-8c52-7b4ff911c639 My dating youth was a disaster. before my thirties I only felt confidence in myself when I was talking someone else through crisis. So I tended to meet women in crisis with great confidence, help them and then lose confidence once they were through the crisis and we were just friends. I'd fatalisticly decide to be platonic freinds with them so that I could be comfortable around them. I'm actually a real mess whenever I want someone to like me, think of the Woody Allen movie "Play it again sam"... that's how I get when I like someone. But because I was confident around people in crisis, I ended up dating people who were simply... head cases, their own worst enemy and everyone else's. It was pure codependency, a therapist clued me in on the pattern.... and I stopped dating for a very long time, refusing to date anyone that even fit that pattern through my thirties... and worked on my confidence in situations other than someone else having a meltdown. I found that confidence, I'm dating someone now that is a definate break from that pattern. She can stand on her own and I love it, and feel secure in her sincere feelings for me. It's very nice. The sex life, hmmm. On that subject I keep my own counsel ;) Thu, 12 Apr 2007 01:10:08 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#104851ee-e89e-4cf6-8c52-7b4ff911c639 Bruecke Bautraeger 2007-04-12T01:10:08Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ee7a69fd-c4fd-43b7-bbeb-c4da17209c45 I'm that way to. I like to open my heart as deeply as possible as quickly as possible. Relationships just don't seem worth the trouble if you don't have a partner who whats to go as deeply as you do. Wed, 11 Apr 2007 03:15:34 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#ee7a69fd-c4fd-43b7-bbeb-c4da17209c45 Brian 2007-04-11T03:15:34Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#00de6199-1dc3-4f9d-bef7-3d8aa2b16e20 :-) Don't know nuthin about baggin babes, but if you are not limited to interest in the ladies, I'm sure there's a lot of gentlemen that would find you interesting. (Not to say you should... just saying.. well from my point of view.) Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:52:36 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#00de6199-1dc3-4f9d-bef7-3d8aa2b16e20 Mark 2007-04-11T00:52:36Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#5d047df0-e34e-429b-b7f6-87d9d9c91b71 "In too far, too soon." That's funny. Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:32:57 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#5d047df0-e34e-429b-b7f6-87d9d9c91b71 Shawn 2007-04-11T00:32:57Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#7c4fd1ef-c379-4dbd-8ab6-b244e1467f4d Shawn, So maybe what you're seeking isn't just sex, maybe now you're older and want to be close to another person as well .. I live in a rural area , a retirement haven , and thought the lack of dates was due to the demographics( age, isolation etc.) , but from what I can tell from doodling around the tribes, LOTS of folks are lonely & miss connection . Maybe we'll reach some kind of critical mass and the shift will happen and we'll all be snugglin like bunnies soon!! Hold that thought.. Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:28:04 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#7c4fd1ef-c379-4dbd-8ab6-b244e1467f4d Dantien 2007-04-11T00:28:04Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#8031131b-8a61-4ee2-b00e-7f640458038f " In too far too soon" This is INFJ stuff? I thought it was just me...someone described me as having a rusty gate, wither too open or too closed...hmmm... where can I learn more about INFJ in general? Thanks! I'm a 4 in the enneagram system and we isolate & think we are odd or special ( both seem just as bad!) Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:22:27 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#8031131b-8a61-4ee2-b00e-7f640458038f Dantien 2007-04-11T00:22:27Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#acc7a683-7aa4-4b2e-a916-acd7734bb57a I think 'casual dating' is a huge challenge for a personality type that I've read described as 'all or nothing' ... 'in too far too soon' just seems to go with the infj territory -:) I am hoping 'practice' will eventually get me out of that tendency in social situations .... But ... phew ... I'm finding it exhausting ... Tue, 10 Apr 2007 20:45:44 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#acc7a683-7aa4-4b2e-a916-acd7734bb57a Cal 2007-04-10T20:45:44Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#33e918f6-0aac-4607-93ca-cedd49616857 My friend, I might be cute enough, but it has brought me very little luck in baggin the babes. It amazes me sometimes the dopes that are dating and getting laid more than me. Then again, when I was younger, I was perfectly content playing by myself. Tue, 10 Apr 2007 20:38:16 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#33e918f6-0aac-4607-93ca-cedd49616857 Shawn 2007-04-10T20:38:16Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#11ee5851-d8ab-495f-8341-437901e25528 It is interesting for me to hear other people describe ways of being that I thought I was the only weerd one to have! Yes, I relate to the getting in too deep early... I am hoping to practice dating casually... once I have some more opportunities.!! Tue, 10 Apr 2007 20:19:00 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#11ee5851-d8ab-495f-8341-437901e25528 Dantien 2007-04-10T20:19:00Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#0afbdb53-41db-40f2-b0e5-41c7213a23a3 i didn't really start dating a lot until last year. before that, i was with the same woman for two years and, previous to that, just plain alone for a little over eight years. it wasn't that i didn't want to - i just couldn't seem to meet anybody for the longest time. then again, i didn't really put myself out there the way i do now. you know, it's funny. i think my "i" has slipped towards "e." i wonder if maybe i'm a lot closer to xntp than i used to be where i find myself having trouble these days is that i can't seem to just date people casually. i get pretty intense and i get there pretty damn quick. i think it intimidates people. sex is a separate issue from dating for me. thoughts on it? i'm For it! Tue, 10 Apr 2007 08:33:35 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#0afbdb53-41db-40f2-b0e5-41c7213a23a3 Solve Omnis 2007-04-10T08:33:35Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#5f8f978a-5e01-4e48-908a-be5bf595eebc yes, Shawn is darling.... and young enough to be my son ...sigh... Mon, 09 Apr 2007 22:16:16 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#5f8f978a-5e01-4e48-908a-be5bf595eebc Dantien 2007-04-09T22:16:16Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#cccac1fd-17f8-4e40-8eb4-0e5ea10f7acb Well being just a wee bit more E might help <grin> And Shawn's cute enough... :-) Mon, 09 Apr 2007 21:31:32 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#cccac1fd-17f8-4e40-8eb4-0e5ea10f7acb Mark 2007-04-09T21:31:32Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#10ba2dcd-120a-4216-bff5-d35a2efbe9ea lol clearly we have a common experience here... why is it that infj's don't date & have sex??? are we just too isolating? , too picky? , too late? And advice from y ou who do D& HS?? Mon, 09 Apr 2007 21:05:15 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#10ba2dcd-120a-4216-bff5-d35a2efbe9ea Dantien 2007-04-09T21:05:15Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#325a7265-ce20-41a6-8afa-427c79af3f38 infj's date and have sex? :-) Mon, 09 Apr 2007 16:30:59 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#325a7265-ce20-41a6-8afa-427c79af3f38 Mark 2007-04-09T16:30:59Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#002417b1-55dd-4711-b32b-c091b3b35616 "Yes, please!" Mon, 09 Apr 2007 12:41:09 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#002417b1-55dd-4711-b32b-c091b3b35616 Waylon 2007-04-09T12:41:09Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#edc20357-03df-4199-958f-87e7ca31015b any thoughts? Mon, 09 Apr 2007 02:08:47 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/7ce889eb-b696-49b1-a8e1-76f00ab55074#edc20357-03df-4199-958f-87e7ca31015b Shawn 2007-04-09T02:08:47Z