Tribe.net. Local Connections Raquel http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#fb4fbad4-9cca-41ae-9d22-0007f37fc909 2009-11-17T05:20:58Z 2009-11-17T05:20:58Z

"The recognition of our complementary half is nearly instantaneous. There's an indescribable draw and physical contact is electric." This is how the INFJ/ENTP meeting was once described to me... and I thought it was absolute rubbish until I met and became immediate friends with an ENTP woman, and later an ENTP man that exasperated and attracted me to no end. It is... tres bizarre, but undeniably fascinating. It's an experience you shouldn't do without.

Raquel 2009-11-17T05:20:58Z Jack http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#20335b1d-5a4e-4508-bc5a-1cb081b62795 2009-07-04T22:28:41Z 2009-07-04T22:28:41Z

Really good question. I've been wondering about it myself. I'm an INFJ, had a 14-year marriage to an ESTP, and had a lot of conflict because she was so strong and on her own. I supervise ENTP's well--but their wunderlust bothers me at times. They have amazing ideas, incredible conceptual vision, and can get down into the nitty gritty. On the other hand, they're also so on their own. Socionics recommends an ESTJ for my type. Just a really good question. I'll get back to you when I finish making up my mind.

Jack 2009-07-04T22:28:41Z Michelle http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#d9dfcdd0-ec0b-4972-a0f4-c5d4a99b0ced 2009-03-23T17:31:07Z 2009-03-23T17:31:07Z

LOL harmony? Don't know if that comes early on in this type of relationship especially if both are head strong and don't understand themselves or how they process so differently. Harmony didn't really come about in our relationship for some years into it (mostly as I worked on respecting my way of being). Boy, we were not harmonious with ourselves back in the day so, lol, so we really couldn't expect it from our relationship. It is the deep connection and desire to create that harmony that continues to drives us to learn ways to do it . This is quite a dynamic combination (for us anyway) so it would never be without one of us challenging ourselves and the other and growing through the process. Still I don't think it is just the INFJ-ENTP personality that creates a beautiful/challenging relationship - there are probably many other factors. After all, I'd read that our combination (Aquarian/Scorpio and enneagram 7/9) wouldn't work very easily but if it did it would be dynamic and amazing.

Michelle 2009-03-23T17:31:07Z Rachel http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#49877498-2093-40e1-a36e-7d65ef5fc281 2009-03-22T20:42:12Z 2009-03-22T20:42:07Z

Good question. I have read this too, but I find it never works for me personally. Professionally, I work fantastically with NTs in general. No conflicts and the intellectual connection is always smooth. But in romantic relationships, the T-versus-F makes problems for me. I feel that my emotions are dissected in a logical way, which to me is really uncomfortable - I feel sort of like a novelty (although I'm sure it makes total sense to the T function). On the other hand, the people I always really want to date - other NFs, especially INFx-es, I understand really well but have trouble maintaining peace with. So I guess it depends on whether you want deep understanding, or harmony in the relationship. I'd sacrifice the harmony just to be understood.

Rachel 2009-03-22T20:42:07Z Michelle http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#981fc08f-7e57-48a6-ab7a-b13972a6f6cc 2009-03-18T20:40:14Z 2009-03-18T20:40:14Z

LOL, what a fun post. My husband (ENTP) was laughing out loud when I read things from other ENTP's he kept saying "I could have written that!" We've been married 14 years. He's an enneagram 7 (and the baby of the family) and I a 9 (and middle child). Although we connected immediately as good friends (Kung Fu buddies back in the day). It did take work at the beginning (and lots of work on ourselves). He was a happy go lucky 7 kicking it through life (spending what he earned) and I was a serious 9 (saving everything I earned) who had been just been surviving life. Over the years I've learned to be less sensitive to others and he's learned to be more sensitive. Through the gift of communication he's taught me to play with money and I've taught him to save. We seem to ground each other because we seem to have opposite fears. One thing I've had to learn is that when he thinks big expanded plans I shouldn't get too caught up and worried about how to create them. I've now learned to just relax and go with his dream 'cause often it will unfold differently the next day. I am more a Taoist and he is more a Zen-ist. He focuses more spiritual-conceptually and I more spiritual-relationally. Sometimes we say to each other," ok I can listen for 10 minutes." So he talks intellectually then I get 10 minutes to talk more from a feeling perspective and then we try to then use words that cross over. I met another couple who were INFJ/ENTP and they had decided to have no,children I wonder if that has something to do with this blend or just us?

Michelle 2009-03-18T20:40:14Z Hannah http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#688cd452-4e29-46ae-8c3a-d0877ce7d290 2009-03-18T17:42:41Z 2009-03-18T17:42:41Z

Interesting. I am an ENTP female and I have been happily married to an INFJ for 13 years. I had no intention of marrying when I met him, but instantly identified him as "marriage material." I didn't mean for me - I just thought he was the kind of guy a smart woman would marry. And I often find that when I see INFJs I think of them also this way. This was years before I knew my type or his or anything about types for that matter.

Hannah 2009-03-18T17:42:41Z Waylon http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#8e2f588b-f905-4257-a1fb-21bbee5211c6 2006-11-20T13:37:03Z 2006-11-20T13:37:03Z

Emily: He had ideas about what I "should" be like, and I didn't fit those standards. We INFJ's can be pretty notorious for those kinds of projects as well...

Waylon 2006-11-20T13:37:03Z Mark http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#fab36114-4515-4351-9c38-882adf428d1d 2006-11-19T21:56:42Z 2006-11-19T21:56:42Z

P's and Js don't. :-)

Mark 2006-11-19T21:56:42Z Emily http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#f222dd7d-fa0e-418c-b86c-e0736189af13 2006-11-19T20:00:10Z 2006-11-19T20:00:10Z

One of my best friends is an ENTP, though he was high only on intuition, scoring close to the middle on all of the other letters. We got along well for the most part but had plenty of conflicts also. One of the things that bothered me the most in our friendship is that he often pressured me to be someone I'm not. He had ideas about what I "should" be like, and I didn't fit those standards. This may not be the norm, however, for INFJ-ENTP interactions.

Emily 2006-11-19T20:00:10Z Jen http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#d4fc9775-cfaf-45fa-8767-49559582ead7 2006-11-19T14:48:41Z 2006-11-19T14:48:41Z

I'm currently in a relationship with an ENTP and really, it's the most fun, emotionally and psychically deep relationship I've had in quite a long time. Of course, we're still in that "honeymoon" stage, which is going to be elongated because I'm a law student and he's a 3rd year associate at his firm (read: no one has time for love!), but we are really enjoying each other's company both intellectually and physically. We are intuitive - constantly reading each other's signals. And it helps that we are of similar education backgrounds and are "weird" in the same ways. Kind of misfits in our families; odd ways of interacting with the outside world... I don't know how to explain it. But he'd pretty much made his mind up about me before our first date and I waited until the third date to really give in to the attraction - which is not my usual MO. But there was something about him. I don't know what to tell you other than if you can find a free INFJ floating around, then you should give her/him a try. Don't get freaked out by the fact that s/he is, in fact, completely and totally reading you without really having to say anything; that's normal. Also, be up front about your motives for entering into the relationship: I find that I'm giving my all in relationships when that's not what the other person has planned or has thought of. Just be honest about what it is you think you want, really from the beginning. There's no harm in admitting that you're looking for a long-term companion/relationship. Don't waste someone else's time.

Jen 2006-11-19T14:48:41Z Katherine http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#299450ae-2f0b-4378-bc3f-11b02b86fb64 2006-08-25T16:36:19Z 2006-08-25T16:36:19Z

This is a really interesting question...I am going through a divorce with an ENTP, being an INFJ myself. It seems like the old adage "opposties attract" should ring true, but I found that we had so many conflicts that the relationship became irreconcilable. And where things REALLY mattered to me, he jsut didn't seem to get it -- like the unarticulated, unspoken levels of connection and understanding that an INFJ just "gets," but an ENTP might struggle to understand. I don't know, Shawn, because it does, on the outside, seem like INFJs and ENTPs would have amazing potential, but I found that it remained just that- unrealised potential.

Katherine 2006-08-25T16:36:19Z Zed Zebra™ http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#38d8801a-6321-4ac7-8033-6af780315112 2006-07-14T22:47:25Z 2006-07-14T22:47:25Z

There are a lot of theories and there are a lot of differing kinds of relationships. Speaking from my own personal experience and proclivities I would not choose to have any extrovert as a primary life partner (ie lover, spouse, husband.) At the risk of naming the well from which I will not drink and later finding myself dead of thirst, I don't think I could be in a primary life relationship with temperment types SP or SJ either. Friends are different. All introverts should have at least one extroverted friend IMO. I have few friends (it's amazing how many extroverted acquaintances consider me their friend though ;-) The responses you've received indicate varing experiences so there is no hard and fast rule. I personally like the book Love Types which, while appearing as pure popularization, actually does have statistical research backing up it's pairing suggestions. There's not all that much research actually out there, and NONE regarding gay life partners, but it's nice when an author actually bases his book on something more than just a theory even if the research he bases it on is ultimately overthrown. HTH IMO YMMV Good Luck, Jai

Zed Zebra™ 2006-07-14T22:47:25Z Brendan http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#7fb4a58a-6e28-48b0-abed-2ca9076e185f 2006-06-07T12:19:40Z 2006-06-07T12:19:40Z

Hiya I am an entp and had my soul ripped into by an INFJ chic. The sense of soul around this chic was amazing- but I do tease her and on occasions have massively targetted her narcissism. I wrote a very strong poem about it. She's actually not all that healthy and as INFJs are likely to be: she's an enneagram 4. I very much agree with the "synergism of opposites": excepting preserving the N (or the s) I am hanging out for another INFJ - with many years of accumulated angst. I stupidly ignored one when I found one recently - out of some kind of irritable inverted anticipatory rejection syndrome ( I'm obviously not all that healthy either). I think that infj and infp matches have taken the comfort road of little challenge (or growth) kissing cousins ! Besides all infj's should be reserved for ENTP's like me :o) INFJ's ROCK !

Brendan 2006-06-07T12:19:40Z Kim http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#e992b137-f67d-453c-bd91-34b116c4fbe4 2006-05-13T04:45:06Z 2006-05-13T04:45:06Z

Ha! I married an ENTP! I'm an INFJ and my husband took the personality test AFTER we got married. Yeah, we get along amazingly well, and connect in ways I haven't been able to do so with anybody! We compliment each other with our strengths and weaknesses. We basically compensate for each other and help each other out in many ways.

Kim 2006-05-13T04:45:06Z Chris http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#44ecdb86-daed-41a3-a803-5a99b3584bd0 2006-05-11T16:12:40Z 2006-05-11T16:12:39Z

Well, here's the issue. Likely the reason you didn't get along so well was the order of functions. INFJ has intuition, feeling, thinking, and sensing, in that order, whereas the ENTJ has thinking, intuition, sensing, and feeling. Yes, the ENTJ is a take-charge personality type who thinks with their head and has little understanding of emotions. The ENTP (I'm one of these) shares the dominant function of intuition, like the INFJ, so while we may not understand feelings quite as well as the INFJ, we are able to connect quite well due to our need to understand the world. I hope that helped!

Chris 2006-05-11T16:12:39Z Peter http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#350fc10a-fe0c-4a53-bdb1-87a7efd48be5 2005-07-01T02:26:10Z 2005-07-01T02:26:10Z

Shawn, I've seen this theory before-- but I am not sure I buy it. I think its "fatal flaw" lies in assuming that each type looks to the same dynamic as "ideal," within a relationship.... yet the reality is that some types look for harmony, while others look for active banter, while yet others look for "friendly conflict" as the mode that makes them happy. There was a study done at St. Mary's University a few years back where they tracked 1000's of couples over a 10 year period and measured relationship satisfaction as a product of M-B type. In GENERAL (although not ALWAYS), three preferences in common seemed to lead to the strongest relationships. INFJs were an interesting (and statistically wild) exception. Against a "median index" of 100, male INFJs scored 700+ (!!!) on the happiness scale when paired with a female INFJ, and female INFJs scored 500+ when paired with a male INFJ. Aside from these, the highest score recorded by ANY other type combination was about 200. To me, that suggests that the "birds of a feather" feeling is perhaps more important to INFJs than to other types. And maybe the only person who truly "gets" an INFJ is another INFJ. Unfortunately the raw data from the study is no longer online, but you can find references to the article and white paper that was published. To answer your other question, I was married to an xNTP for 13 years-- and from a personality standpoint I'd say "never again!" Of course, my next long term relationship was with an INTP. Keirsey is VERY fond of the NT/NF combination, but I can't for the life of me figure out why... all the NT/NF couples I know live in a constant struggle with their ideas vs. people difference. My ex related to me very well on an intellectual level, but we never seemed to connect on a "human" or "soul" level and that eventually killed the relationship. Just my $0.02 worth. --Peter

Peter 2005-07-01T02:26:10Z $item.owner.firstName http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#355f2939-0088-4a23-8523-7b48efb65837 2005-06-27T20:51:48Z 2005-06-27T20:51:48Z

Sounds familiar and a good basis for beginning a relationship. I'm an ENTP trying to understand my INFJ and make our relationship work well. Any tips or techniques that your ENTP has instituted that has helped you overcome challenges?

$item.owner.firstName 2005-06-27T20:51:48Z Waylon http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#14ad2a00-c30b-47f8-8ea7-1d90afe17c7c 2005-06-13T20:41:43Z 2005-06-13T20:41:43Z

Hi Heather! Wow! Another INFJ engineer (rare) and a female engineer (also uncommon in a male dominated profession) to boot! There definitely aren't too many of you out there :) While I'm a Civil Engineer, I work for the US Army Corps of Engineers, so it's kind of a strange engineering job. I'm babysitting projects for Big Government rather than Big Oil, but I suspect there are a lot of similarities (expect the pay for gov't jobs kinda sux). My fulfillment from this job mostly comes from dealing with people. A 6 year old kid could probably do the technical aspects of my job, but the challenge lies in getting the people around me to do what I want and need them to do in order to keep things moving. And inevetibly one of my inspectors is upset about something so I have to smooth feathers and talk to him or her about whatever the problem is. Like you, I frequently feel that my efforts are insignificant in the eternal scheme of things when it comes to the Federal Government. There's no corporate beast to feed with profits, just keeping the massive wheels of the gov't in motion. There's a certain satisfaction in being a "Public Servant", but mostly I just try to focus on how my little piece of the puzzle effects those around me. I enjoy the problem solving and planning and organization stuff, too. It is nice being able to live in reasonable comfort and have enough free time to go play on my sailboat and do the other things that I want to do. All in all I'm happy with my career choice, but my job is definitely not the major focus of my life. Like you said, it's a tradeoff. -Waylon

Waylon 2005-06-13T20:41:43Z Heather http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#a2b394ed-8d40-4ef1-b6c7-8609a433b110 2005-06-10T13:26:32Z 2005-06-10T13:26:32Z

Hey Waylon, Another INFJ engineer here (chemical). It sounds like you have a perfect blend of indoor-outdoor work. Have you found a way to feel fulfilled with project babysitting for big corporations? I work for Big Oil, and frequently feel like almost all of my efforts are small and only contribute to the evergrowing wealth of a corporate beast. The tradeoff is that I definitely can support myself and never will have to ask my parents for any financial help.

Heather 2005-06-10T13:26:32Z Waylon http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#5ce1edc3-66c7-4b32-9253-9ce0e920850f 2005-06-08T17:41:57Z 2005-06-08T17:41:57Z

I thought the same thing at first glance: that she seemed more like an ESTP than anything else. I was pleasantly surprised when I got to know her better. She was a chemical engineering major for a while before changing majors (and had an A in Differential Equations, which is much more N than S). We just had a two hour discussion last night regarding the theoretical basis for Astrology, so I'd say she is definitely an N. It doesn't surprise me that she appears so much like an ESTP given her work environments. Since I work with a bunch of government engineers, I tend to camoflauge myself as an INTP or INTJ to fit in better. Relating with one another is interesting. It's almost like convergent evolution (bats and birds and butterflies all fly), we think and feel a lot of the same things, but for different reasons. Understanding and relating is not all that difficult, but sometimes we have to explain how we reach our conclusions to one another. But after explaining our relative points of view then it makes sense. She just tends to see things and make decisions based on different criteria (the T vs F thing, I think). I've dated S types before, and that ultimately leads to an unsatisfactory relationship for me. I get bored because I can't share my world of ideas, and they become increasingly unhappy because they can't understand why I'm so restless and dissatisfied. I agree with you 100% on that subject: it's the N preference that gives something to base a mutually satisfying relationship upon. The most difficult thing for me so far is the E vs. I difference, in that it can be very draining for me to try keep up with her socially, but we've discussed that and make compromises that we can both live with. However, despite all that we haven't been dating long, so it's going to be interesting to see how this pans out. Thanks for the feedback, though! -Waylon

Waylon 2005-06-08T17:41:57Z $item.owner.firstName http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#d179b82a-e2ba-4d50-81b0-8499a0a272aa 2005-06-07T07:18:16Z 2005-06-07T07:18:16Z

i think it's a balance and if it works,then great.there is no boundaries or certainties,different people have different needs.i am an artist who draws inspiration from the people and situations around me.i could tell you fathoms more from a picture,then a string of words.blunt;what i wonder is what causes a person to become in,or extroverted to begin with.i think it starts at an early age,maybe a defense mechanism?then again,i think people can be programmed,and de-programmed to fit any profile.these are merely theories,but it's a subject i've been thinkin about for a while,you know, finding that balance between the to polarizations.i'd like to talk more about the subject,get deeper.

$item.owner.firstName 2005-06-07T07:18:16Z Gretchen http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#60952ed8-4909-48a2-b7d8-06842d31e043 2005-06-07T01:37:30Z 2005-06-07T01:37:30Z

Hi Shawn! I just saw your post and found it very interesting. I, myself am an InFJ. My husband is an XnTP. We have known each other for about 10 years now. From the start, we were best friends. Both of us had never had such a "healthy" relationship until we met. While he admits that he has never known someone that is as private as I am, he tells me that it is very intriguing to him. He tells me that each time I reveal something new about myself, it is like a special "treasure" for him. We balance each other out. He makes me more aware of the T & P and I make him more aware of the F & J. Our temperaments complement each other. In the entire time that we have known each other and been together, we have gotten into only 2 arguments. And even then, it wasn't like any "arguments" that I've ever had. He didn't push me to talk; he left me alone until my temper had simmered back down. Then we talked it all out. Two years ago, we decided to get married. This is his second marriage and my third. We both feel (me) & think (him) ;) that this one will last. It is so amazing to be married to my best friend! We share so many of the same interests also which is a plus. We've each learned how to give each other what we need. I've learned that nTP's have their own special way of showing affection. The way that I see it is that this is the easiest and most natural relationship that I've ever had in my life. It is all about for one to feel free enough to be themselves. I'm not sure if this is of any help or not....... Gretchen

Gretchen 2005-06-07T01:37:30Z Litestorm http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#1176b588-ab7e-4f10-9b7d-6f85d3741725 2005-06-06T21:14:19Z 2005-06-06T21:14:19Z

What about when the details crop up. Who does the laundry..... (logistic details) It sounds like your partner is actually an ESTP given all the physical things she is into. (Your polar opposite). And what you would say is true about complementing each others weaknesses. Sadly you will also find it very hard in the long term to relate with her as way she does things will she quite alien and almost impossible for you to emulate yourself. While the magnetism is undeniable there is little to base a solid relationship on. Maybe you will have to discuss some of the more theoretical things she likes to do to convince me that she favors intuition. Ultimately it is in that you will have enough ground to base a relationship (sharing the world of ideas).

Litestorm 2005-06-06T21:14:19Z Waylon http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#b753613e-e19d-4205-a25c-563900caed16 2005-06-06T20:23:40Z 2005-06-06T20:23:40Z

How long have you been married? I'm an INFJ who is dating an ENTP and I've often made the same comment: we complement one another incredibly well. Between the two of us there's not much that we can't do (she's a teacher, a swim coach, a fitness intructor, who also teaches trapeze arts of all things, and has worked as a fire-juggler and a cliff diver) (I'm an engineer who rides motorcycles, practically lives on a sailboat, and reads books about Zen) (And we both scuba dive... there's not much out there that isn't covered by one of us). However, we've only been dating a couple months now, and this is so unlike any relationship I've ever had before that I have no idea how to behave or what to expect :) Anyway, I'm curious about any insight you might be able to share as to what I'm getting myself into :) -Waylon

Waylon 2005-06-06T20:23:40Z Waylon http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#57d89262-d911-4cf8-9e34-29c7e35b5b97 2005-06-06T20:15:20Z 2005-06-06T20:15:20Z

Greetings! Your post caught my attention since I'm approaching the issue from the opposite direction. I'm an INFJ who recently started dating an ENTP girl and things are... shall we say... interesting. It's a very different relationship from anything i've experienced before, but so far things seem to be okay. The biggest difference I've noticed about this relationship is our ability to deal with problems. We have such a radically different approach to life that the things that normally cause me problems in a relationship simply don't exist here. It's hard to explain without giving really personal examples, but in my case if there's a "wall" somewhere, then she manages to walk right through it effortlessly, and the things that she worries about in a relationship simply don't even occur to me to do. It's strange. We find one another very mutually fascinating. Doing things together is lots of fun, and we tend to enjoy the same type of activities but for completely different reasons (probably because of the I vs E thing). Oddly enough we tend to be attracted to one another's faults. The things I see as personal faults she finds attractive and vice-versa. It's interesting dating someone who likes me because of my negative qualities as much as for my positive ones. Problems? Sure, there are those, too. Mostly socially right now. She has an incredibly active social live with countless friends coming and going constantly. Alas, for us quiet introverted types that can be fun for a while but ultimately very draining. At the same time she can feel stifled by the one-on-one activities that I enjoy. However, we're aware of this and we make compromises. I've explained to her that after a night of going out dancing with her army of friends I need to have some quiet time alone with her, and after spending an afternoon with me on the sailboat, I make sure to take her out to do something more social and active afterwards. In short: it works, and it's definitely a unique interaction, but it requires a lot of consideration on both our parts. If you meet an INFJ you'll have a very passionate partner who likes to explore the depths of your soul, but you have to be careful not to step on her very sensitive feelings. We INFJ's are very rewarding mates, but we do require a good bit of effort. Hope I've helped! -Waylon

Waylon 2005-06-06T20:15:20Z Dr. Yo http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#4eb7d4a2-399d-49b7-9944-806f83800a99 2005-02-14T06:37:00Z 2005-02-14T06:37:00Z

I'm actually an INFJ/INTJ split. I do see the logic in the theory of complements, but it's hardly the whole story. For ten years I was monogamous with an ENFJ, and that was fine. We got along famously; in fact, perhaps too well. There was some conflict avoidance in that relationship. It seems that most of the women I've been attracted to in the last two years have been ENFPs. They are seemingly very common on tribe.net-- or at least they are very visible. However, in the last two years, the only romantic relationship I've had that lasted more than a few weeks is with a fellow INFJ. Maybe it's because ENFPs all seem to have attention deficit disorder, and that doesn't blend well with my methodical ways. I don't know. Complements can be good, but I'm starting to think that mirror relationships may be better for me. Of course the downside of mirror relationships is that both partners have the same "blind spots" and they can't necessarily provide radically different points of view to one another. But there is no doubt in my mind that mirror relationships facilitate easier (and perhaps better) communication-- at least for me. Of course, your mileage may vary.

Dr. Yo 2005-02-14T06:37:00Z Teresa http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#abf8c8a9-e065-4432-a19e-2e1b0a5bec1b 2005-02-14T05:26:06Z 2005-02-14T05:26:06Z

two of the best people i've worked for were entp women. i appreciated them so much because they were empowering and not micro-managing. they showed appreciation and were willing to look at ideas outside of the norm. i also had a very close friend who was an entp. i would say it was similar to the interactions i had with my workmates. i loved her intellectual curiosity, how quickly she would "get" situations, her innovative and creative nature. i would say the only thing that was difficult was that she was often dissapointed in me withdrawing socially. such as deciding not to do something at the last minute. good luck! teresa

Teresa 2005-02-14T05:26:06Z Jocelyn http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#da317a2d-89da-457d-9382-ae8de3663528 2005-02-06T19:20:43Z 2005-02-06T19:20:43Z

I am married to an ENTP. Our strengths and weaknesses are for the most part quite complementary. Lust is what drew me to him... the rest is history.

Jocelyn 2005-02-06T19:20:43Z $item.owner.firstName http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#4997e429-d18e-41d9-8cb9-40f1f5b40e44 2005-02-01T00:55:23Z 2005-02-01T00:55:23Z

Very insightful. I've been involved with an ENTJ for 3 years and relate to both the challenges and benefits of being involved with somebody so opposite. Does this pairing come down to a power struggle? Are ENTJ's classically more dominant? Does the relationship 'work' when the INFJ's are subserviant? This is a depressing forcast.

$item.owner.firstName 2005-02-01T00:55:23Z $item.owner.firstName http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#061223db-f369-4400-b072-3d9bed586abe 2005-01-31T12:37:26Z 2005-01-31T12:37:26Z

Hi Shawn, My most passionate -- *and* my most contentious -- relationship was with an ENTJ. (We are currently involved in the longest death scene in literature, but that's beyond the scope of this post.) To better understand him, I once subscribed to an ENTJ newsletter, so I understand your "invading" this space. I had thought that having both the N and the J functions in common would be enough. We were both quick-witted, abstract thinkers who enjoyed bantering about the hypothetical and the philosophical. Our common J function meant that we were both careful decision-makers, not prone to spontaneity. I think that the "fatal flaw" in our relationship was the T/F mismatch. Although we were both bright and articulate, we simply could not speak each other's language. I did not receive from him the emotional assurance that I craved, and he probably thought that I was too needy or high-maintenance. Meanwhile, my ex-husband was (is) an INFx. I would say that he was more P to my J, because I'm *very* J. His indecisiveness often drove me up the wall. Have I learned anything from these experiences about what type might be best suited for me? Nah. I fall in love first and ask questions later.

$item.owner.firstName 2005-01-31T12:37:26Z Shawn http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#6221b467-84c9-4c39-ab63-4d7de0de46e2 2005-01-31T05:15:50Z 2005-01-31T05:15:50Z

although it's said ENTPs love debating, i've found that debates usually don't lead to real connection or communication but rather polarization. however, it is true that i am NOT averse to voicing dissent. nor do i feel threatened by dissent =) also, it's been said ENTPs love playing devil's advocate. i dunno. i don't say things simply to get a rise from someone, and i don't like to discuss things that i'm not really invested in. however i might say something to challenge someone's ideas--to try to get them to think deeper or broader or more critically about their assumptions or reasoning. (Socrates is one of my patron saints--though i ain't religious.) although i'm a capable verbalist, i recognize the limitations of language: consciousness does not equal words. language is a poor--no, pernicious-- metaphor for thought. also, when it comes to powerful feelings i'm not so good--pretty bad, prolly-- with words =) on your question of what draws me...good question...i don't think i've ever tried to articulate it...(Asking the right questions: essential for good teaching, good problem-solving, and good discussion.) what do i like? hypersensitive: not so much. (unless it means something more positive than fear-ridden) analytical: as in critically thinking about self, other, and world? yes. as in linear? nope. one thing that draws me to introverts is the sense of mystery. there's something really cool beneath the surface to be discovered or explored. extraverts are fun--but not so intriguing. another thing that draws me is the desire to go deeper within myself. it'd be good to have more inspiration in that area. (but that may be an 'N' thing as much as an 'I' thing...) although i'm capable with words, i don't NEED language to feel connected to other people. heck, maybe a lotta the time i don't even need to feel connected with people, period. (the mad scientist part of me...) often i just wanna be: reflecting...imagining...and observing stuff. wow...this has been a long reply. thanks for reading my words and getting me think out loud...

Shawn 2005-01-31T05:15:50Z $item.owner.firstName http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#22c1f8d9-dc88-43ff-bed0-e03b8cbb04a5 2005-01-31T04:06:36Z 2005-01-31T04:06:36Z

I am in a relationship with an INTJ (mastermind) he is introverted, and he is also a great communicator/intuitive etc... I find him (as shannon says) "restful" to have around. It is great.

$item.owner.firstName 2005-01-31T04:06:36Z Shannon http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#c63fbafe-e192-4377-93e1-bf5e52d901e3 2005-01-31T04:02:32Z 2005-01-31T04:02:32Z

Hmmm. I'm not sure I buy the theory simply because I'm aversive to ordering things into binaries. I have enough trouble with personality typing for that reason. But your question is an interesting one. I'm considering how I'd answer purely based on what I'm like. Although I have a fairly wide circle of acquaintances, my few close friends are all introverts. My most successful long-term relationships have been with people more intensely introverted than I. I find them restful to have around. I could see INFJ and ENTP being attracted based on a shared quickness--quick-witted, clever, instant grasp of the dimensions of a situation (the shared N-thing). I could also see a mutual pleasure in just batting theories around, discussing psychology, people-watching, trading perspectives. The risk would be that ENTPs typically love to debate and spar, an intellectual pasttime which can often in itself turn binary--one person is right and the other wrong. Which can look a lot like conflict, and INFJs notoriously _hate_ conflict. Heated debate just makes me upset, unless it's over something I'm not the least invested in. Also, as entirely verbal as I am, most of me--the important part really, is entirely non-verbal. The extroverts I know tend not to access that side of me very successfully, because they want it in words, and some modes of experience just don't shape that way very well. I dunno. Are you attracted to hypersensitive but analytical introverts, Shawn? If so, what do you see that draws you?

Shannon 2005-01-31T04:02:32Z Shawn http://infj.tribe.net/thread/8249541d-a507-4cce-82c0-2855596ab8a0#58da6508-7fa8-4aad-9196-e14959d48d58 2005-01-31T03:14:29Z 2005-01-31T03:14:29Z

OK. Here's the deal. First, I'm not an INFJ but an ENTP. Sorry for 'invading' this space. According to one theory on type relationships, folk have the greatest chance of deeply and dynamically connecting or falling/staying in love with people who are their 'complements': all letters different except the second letter the same. The idea is that all the differences keep things interesting, but the commonality in the perception function (i.e. iNtuitive or Sensatory) assures shared understanding of what apects of life matter. This ISTJ--ESFP. Or ESFJ--ISTP. Or ENTP--INFJ. etc. Do you buy this theory or do you think it's silly? What has been your experience with relating to ENTPs? (I ask this question cuz i'm wondering whether my best chance of ever falling in love is if i meet an INFJ, or whether i should stop trying to find systematicity in the alchemical realm of the heart ;^) Thanks =) --Shawn When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --Audre Lorde

Shawn 2005-01-31T03:14:29Z