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What are the key ingredients for fulfilling relatinship?

topic posted Fri, September 18, 2009 - 8:11 PM by  Deedush 		Share/Save/Bookmark
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Just curious what you guys thought..
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Deedush
offline Deedush
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  • Ed
    Ed
    offline 2

    Re: What are the key ingredients for fulfilling relatinship?

    Fri, September 18, 2009 - 9:12 PM
    -If you mean romantic relationship between a man and woman, then

    Here Are

    Ed's 10 Commandments of Love

    1) Opposites attract- in terms of personality (Ex. ESTP+INFJ, ESTJ+INFP, etc.)

    -By being with your opposite, you improve on each others weaknesses, thereby making eachother whole, and more tolerant and appreciative of others for their differences

    -Also, by being with your opposite, you are likely better able to help your children grow should you decide to get married and have children-Example- INFJ and ESTP can help pretty much any of their children with any area, because they cover all 8 letters. Say an ESTJ and an ISFP were married, they may have a hard time relating to an iNtuitive child, because neither may possess a strong iNtuitive function, they may also have a harder time working out matters that require a stronger intuition

    2) Opposites DO NOT ATTRACT in terms of CHARACTER-The whole good girl nun attracted to the dick asshole loser movie bullshit is unlikely to be a good relationship- LIKE Character is best

    -In relation to the last point-YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR PARTNER- A person can only change him/herself- One will only be dissapointed and never happy-one must learn to love their partners PERSONALITY differences

    3) Common Future Vision- for example, both of you want 6 kids, or want to live in Ohio. A bad example would be if one of you wanted to live in Alaska and have 19 kids and the other no kids and live in Florida

    4) One must improve him/herself before+during+after a relationship- in other words, one must start being more mature and take responsibility for oneself before one can help another person

    5) One must have marriage in the back of one's mind when in or before a relationship- what other way/purpose to/for fulfilling a loving relationship than marriage

    6) Common Values- It may be an extremely difficult relationship if one person is a serious pro-lifer and the other a serious pro-choicer, or if one is a hard core Catholic and the other a hard core Satanist- again character issues arise here- one cannot change the other person

    7) Relationships are not easy, you have to put in work to make it work- you cannot quit because you run out of money, or "stop loving" the person

    8) Sex is not "making love", this phrase is a common misunderstanding in society and it is in and of itself a contadictory phrase-Sex is a physical expression of love, the sex should not soley determine how good a relationship is or is not

    9) "Till death do us part"- if you cannot say this freely to the other person, you are holding yourself back, and lying to yourself and partner, thereby hindering and potentially disengaging a potential fulfilling relationship

    10) No Cheating, no masturbating to other people- Grow up already- Being a selfish person ends now

    -FIN
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    • Waylon
      Waylon
      offline 51

      Re: What are the key ingredients for fulfilling relatinship?

      Mon, September 21, 2009 - 6:13 AM
      Ed : 1) Opposites attract- in terms of personality (Ex. ESTP+INFJ, ESTJ+INFP, etc.)

      The whole "opposites attract" thing is, to me, one of those things that sounds really good in theory but doesn't work so well in practice for me. What I would end up with is an ESTP who was bored to death to be around me and I'd be frustrated that I didn't have anyone I could ever really talk to about serious things.

      Reminds me of the day in my misspent youth that I tried to innovate at breakfast. I'm a big fan of rice crispies. Evept they aren't so good plain... you've got to put about half a cup of sugar in there with 'em. You know, enough that you get this sort of sugar-sludge in the bottom of the bowl when you're done. (that's the best part!) Anyway, one day I poured my cereal, dumped my ridiculous amount of sugar in there, and then opened the refrigerator to get the milk. Exept there was no milk.

      I couldn't pour it back into the box because of all the sugar mixed in and I certainly wasn't about to eat the ceral dry (I'd still be choking to this day from it) and water sounded horrible. But there was some orange juice. And orange juice is a breakfast drink, right?

      Y'know, it might not have been so bad if I didn't have so much sugar in there. As it was, though... well.... you'd just have to try it youself. My description wouldn't do it justice.

      Anyway, that's one of those things that sounds good in theory (if I threw in some ham and cheese I'd have a complete balanced breakfast, all in one bowl) but doesn't work out so well in practice ;)
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  • shif...
    shifting4now
    offline 9

    Re: What are the key ingredients for fulfilling relatinship?

    Fri, September 18, 2009 - 10:48 PM
    OMG Ed. I Laughed out loud.
    Ed's 10 Commandments of Love.
    Seriously, you are riot.
    I love it.

    #1 We all know by now I just can't disagree more
    #2 Slays me.
    #3 Florida hands down
    #4 Yep
    #5 I think I would have said life long committed relationship but you say tomato...I say tomato.
    #6 Are you saying a Satanist does not have the ability to love a Catholic? There are SOME Catholics with redeemable qualities!
    #7 I don't think it's ever possible to really stop loving someone, otherwise it wasn't love.
    #8 No comment
    #9 Is kinda funny to me b/c my husband once said that he wanted us to be together in the after life or next life or whatever is FOREVER...and I said...well you have me now, isn't that enough? Thankfully he is not sensitive as I can see how this type of "brutal" honesty could wound someone.
    #10 Yeah....I dunno about this one, I mean that gets into the whole "is it cheating if" question. I have a friend that would completely agree with you though. She's an ENFP. Her morals by my standards are all across the board, and then she says something like this, which totally throws me off.

    Your communication and participation rock. You make this group so fun.
    Thanks Ed!
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    • Mich...
      Michelle
      offline 16

      Re: What are the key ingredients for fulfilling relatinship?

      Sat, September 19, 2009 - 12:46 PM
      Well I don't have an commandments but after 15 years in my second marriage I still stick to my marriage vows - "As long as you both shall love" Thank goodness I ended my first young marriage before it got too unhealthy (it worked for what it needed to work for - stability, confidence building in both of us, a feeling of being loved but love is an evolving IDEA not a stagnant word).

      So my ideas are
      #1 Be open to communication even if that communication is that you need time alone before you can talk. Learn each others language and trigger points so you can sidestep those when communicating

      #2 Decide to be proactive in maintaining a healthy relationship - for me it is all or nothing but I don't expect anyone else to be that way unless I am in a romantic relationship with them, lol (seeking counseling, deeper communication, etc.)

      #3 Make the most important thing be finding and creating your own inner happiness because if I expect you to make me happy or you expect me to make you happy you have already given up your power and that will eventually turn into bitterness and resentment.

      #4 Know there is always more then one way to do or see everything and respect the other way as much as you respect your own.

      #5 Keep the connection alive - it's all about time/thought (occasional 'I love you' note hidden around or text on phone, long talks in the car in the rain, non-sexual touch, sexual touch, water fights, laughing out loud, try out each others hobbies etc...)

      #6 Allow for evolution of self, other and the relationship (nothing is static but death).

      To me relationships of any kind are like plants:
      You can love that beautiful flowering plant (relationship) but you can't just say "I love it" and put it on the shelf. We show what is most important to us by what we spend our time thinking on and doing. If we get busy and forget to water and feed the plant it will still be there but eventually as it gets weaker the blooms will fall off and it will get attacked by aphids. You might knock a few aphids off and toss a bit of water in but still the plant just limps along. Sometimes people say, 1."OMG lets get this plant healthy and take steps to do it" and other times 2.they wait until it is almost dead before they act and then again some just let it 3.wilt away. All are fine but just gotta want the same thing.
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  • shif...
    shifting4now
    offline 9

    Re: What are the key ingredients for fulfilling relatinship?

    Wed, September 23, 2009 - 7:38 PM
    Wow. You know I totally agree but that's some serious honesty right there.
    If one of the key ingredients for a fulfilling relationship is to accept that in one, you are going to battle your inner demons and possibly your partners also.....I mean how many people do you think would go running towards that? It's like the small print disclaimer at the bottom of the box. Love is not for the faint hearted.


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