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As I get older, I find that the phone freaks me out a lot more than it used to. Does anyone else in this tribe besides me routinely screen their calls? Even when someone who I like perfectly well is calling, I won't pick up. It's like I feel this sudden dread at talking to someone, no matter how nice they are. It seems unfair that a person can invade my world just by dialing a number. My privacy is really important to me, obviously. I live alone (with 3 dogs), and spend most of the time in my own head or communicating in a non-verbal way with my animals. Sometimes coming out into the real world and making language sounds is just a little overwhelming. Is this typical of INFJ people?
Thanks for your input.
M.A.
Thanks for your input.
M.A.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, January 20, 2007 - 8:46 PMI don't know if it's typical, but I know that I hate having the phone ringing. It seems to jar my entire being--even if it's someone I love and like spending time with.
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Unsu...
Re: the dreaded phone
Sun, January 21, 2007 - 7:05 AMI absolutely hate the telephone ringing; it's like a fire alarm going off, jarring my nervous system. I like peace and quiet (except for music). We get so many solicitors here on the phone, it's annoying, so I do use an answering machine. I'm shy, so that may be part of my problem with disliking phones so much.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sun, January 21, 2007 - 10:30 AM"As I get older, I find that the phone freaks me out a lot more than it used to. Does anyone else in this tribe besides me routinely screen their calls? Even when someone who I like perfectly well is calling, I won't pick up. "
This is me. I am horrible with it.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Thu, January 25, 2007 - 11:17 AMI'm the same way. I rarely answer the phone anymore, especially because 9 times out of 10 it won't be for me. If that's the case, I hate having to make small talk with people while I'm in the process of giving the phone to my fiancee. It sounds horrible but I really dislike it, not because I don't want to hear what they have to say but because I don't want to have to talk about myself. lol.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Wed, January 31, 2007 - 12:40 PMI am phone-avoidant and always have been, which may be partially influenced by the fact that I'm hard of hearing.
I tend to procrastinate forever about making phone calls, and I almost always screen my calls and let the machine answer.
I may sometimes feel mildly guilty due to social conventions, but as Thoreau said re: doorbells, a ringing phone does not oblige you to answer (contrary to the way that most people seem to treat it).
D -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Thu, February 15, 2007 - 4:29 AMM.A,
You are not alone. The phone is evil and should be avoided. I only answer the phone when I feel like it. If I don't want to talk to you then, I don't answer the phone. Period. You can leave me 3-5 voice messages. If I know that all you want to do is talk about yourself...yeah. You are gonna have to wait until I'm feeling more extroverted.
I hate calling people I don't know. I hate calling people I do know. I hate the phone.
Email is where it's at. :o)
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Re: the dreaded phone
Fri, February 16, 2007 - 7:39 PMI'm pretty militant that I don't tolerate any kind of "curtosy call" they really bug me, the list to take you off is a joke... they even seem to have ways to get around caller ID in some cases, who knows how.... so I decided to go with the old fashioned answering machne and only pick up when it's someone I feel like talking to... the telemarketers always hang on or it's a recording of some kind.
But there is someone I really care about a few states away, and actually most of my good friends moved, there aren't many people I went to college or high school with still in New Jersey... so I am on the phone a lot when it comes to them. In that sense I am grateful for the phone. -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, February 17, 2007 - 9:03 AMGood reminder on that last paragraph Schmend. We tend to get so caught up in the negative that we forget the positive benefits, not just of the phone, but of many things. :-)
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Re: the dreaded phone
Thu, February 22, 2007 - 1:34 PMI suppose when I am engaged in some activity I hate being called or interrupted. I sometimes become ogre-ish when I answer: curt, abrupt, and non-engaging. I sometimes have to apologize later for my tone of voice and irritability. (This frequently happens when I am exercising my Ti at full-throttle on a project.)
In contrast, when I feel free of responsibilty I love for people to call & chat. It is a way for me to listen, exercise Fe, and find mutual encouragement and connection. I often use voice mails as a way to leave encouraging reminders to the people I love that I still do think of them and will be talking to them soon. I also use Ni with Fe to create funny messages, and humorous pick-up/answer one-liners. In such times, I do not want to be without my phone.
Then again, I'm only a mild score in introvert and distinctively expressed feeling.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, November 24, 2007 - 12:57 PMYes, I also hate to be interrupted when I am doing something, even if it is watching tv. Sometimes when I call people, I am very brief and just ask a question, get my answer and say goodbye. In those cases, it seems like an email would be more appropriate, but I'm not sure if the message will be received soon enough.
When I am not busy or feeling extroverted, I will call people and talk for hours. I do not even want to have a phone line in my house in the future. I only use my cell phone because I have caller id and because I can turn it off when I do not want to be disturbed. For example, I only pick up when a really good friend calls if I'm in the middle of something, or napping. I also have been known to keep my phone off for up to 3 days at a time if I am staying with a friend for a few days.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Wed, November 21, 2007 - 10:14 PMOh - totally! I'm probably the only person in San Francisco who ONLY uses her cellphone to just touch bases with her husband, and that's IT! I have only given my number to one other person, only to be used in case of emergency. Can you tell that I'm not a big fan of the telephone?? And yes, I hate the sound of a ringing phone at home, and loathe answering it. When we're both here, my husband answers it anyway. Only time I use the telephone is to set up an appointment, or for a counseling session with my distant astrologer.
But somehow, I love being on the Internet! -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Wed, November 21, 2007 - 10:28 PMI would almost always prefer to communicate general logistical things via email rather than phone. I hate talking on the phone! If I do call someone I usually hope to get their voicemail so i can just leave whatever info I need to.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, November 24, 2007 - 10:42 AMinteresting question- my INFJ hates the phone because it is usually creditors who are calling. Also when he is talking on the phone most of the time he speaks so softly people cannot hear him and he gets ANNOYED when asked to speak up. Ironic because he can yell like the dickens and scares people. -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, November 24, 2007 - 9:03 PMI speak softly, too, and find it VERY annoying to be asked to speak up. It feels like people are trying to pull me farther outside of myself when I'm asked to speak up. Maybe your INFJ feels the same. -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sun, November 25, 2007 - 9:02 AMThank you, Joyce. I, obviously did not get it, he hasn't shared anything like your explanation and I see it as a problem. I appreciate you sharing.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sun, November 25, 2007 - 2:29 PMYeah, it's definitively annoying being asked to speak up. I usually give up trying to speak in places too noisy (places full of people, for example), I'd probably have to speak again and louder, which is not my natural. Speaking louder tires me out, I already thought about seeking a speech therapist, maybe there's something wrong with this.
About this topic's subject, rings don't affect me. Maybe because the phone doesn't ring that much.
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Unsu...
Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, November 24, 2007 - 4:11 PMI live alone and often only get out once a week, or ten days or so to get groceries or go to a doctor's appointment, so the Internet and telephone are my main connections with the world outside my door. That said, I do screen calls and won't pick up if I don't recognize the caller, or they have caller ID blocked.
I've been told that I live inside my head and analyze everything way too much in an attempt to understand why the world and people in it are the way they are. I enjoy talking with my friends, but we rarely engage in conversation. They talk, I listen and confirm what was said, and sometimes ask questions but mostly, I listen. I don't dread the phone since it rings infrequently and I'm usually ready for some human contact, even if only by voice. -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, November 24, 2007 - 8:36 PM"I've been told that I live inside my head and analyze everything way too much in an attempt to understand why the world and people in it are the way they are. "
Welcome to the tribe Don. I'd guess that more than a few of us have been told something along the lines that we think too much. But given a choice, it's probably better to think too much than think too little :]
To the topic:
I hate the ringer.
My body goes into "alarm" mode and I brace for whatever may be on the list of emergencies. INFJs probably have a longer list of what counts as "emergencies" than other types because there's the peace activist friend who needs a court witness, the teenage relative who can't talk to the parents at 12:30 a.m., and the coworker who is having a marital spat over the car. We listen just as intently to them as to the friend who has lost a relative or to someone delivering a real emergency. The phone can wear an intuitive type out!
I much prefer the subject line in e-mails. -
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Advise from a professional ...
Sun, November 25, 2007 - 2:32 PMI have a old black candlestick phone ... I wish it was red. Like the Bat - Phone ... if you think of it like its the Bat - Phone, its way more cool and fun. It goes "BRRRRRINNNNNNNNG BRRRRRRRINNNNNNNG ..." etc., lol ... commissioner Gordon needs your help Batman [Batwoman]
Like an ESFP or ESTP - it shatters the silence with its attention-getting klaxon. (Insert Emergency HERE) Batman ... oh Batman ... lol ...
Let's face it, the telephone is the most annoying invention to come out of America other than the Amway Salesperson. Don't try to doctor it up with a cutesy little ringtone ... its not cute. As a lesson to anyone who calls me, I make my surroundings suffer the loudest, most old-fashioned ring-tone (especially my cell phone) ... all that not-so-subliminal mind-jarring noise is sure to negatively scar the psyche and create resistance to uneccessarily calling ... lol
Tips for exceedingly shy introverts:
There is a federal "Do Not Call List" that prosecutes unwanted solicitors. Its free. Sign up.
There is not a stronger deterrant to inbound phone calls than trying to sell the caller something they didn't want. Feign ignorance at the true purpose of the call, and pretend like they were calling you for ... (insert product here) ... hair tonic for bald eagles ... whatever ... lol ... you really have to get into character to make it effective though ... join Amway or Quixtar ... lol ... you won't lose "friends" faster any other way! -
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Re: Advise from a professional ...
Sat, December 1, 2007 - 3:58 PMthats a good idea--the phone ringing jars me something awful. maybe i should get one with a more pleasant ring.
I love to call people, but I hate being called and let the machine get it. for awhile i would turn my ringer and machine off -
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Re: Advise from a professional ...
Sat, December 1, 2007 - 4:00 PMI tell the i work for a telemarketer. i am friendly and they hang up quickly
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, December 8, 2007 - 10:45 PMI definitely second going into "alarm" mode by the song of my cell. I always screen the numbers. If I dont recognize the number, I will let the voice mail answer the call. If I do recognize it, I might still not pick it up. I will get back to the person calling - if necessary....In one of my former jobs, I was basically on the phone all day, it was way too draining to me.... I prefer written communication so much more.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Fri, February 1, 2008 - 7:14 PMYes, the dreaded phone. I don't have even vm on my home phone. Coming in the house and seeing the that red blinking message light just doesn't give me that warm and fuzzy feeling. Those who know me well will sometimes call twice in a row to more or less say, "Hey, I know you're there...pick up the phone!" It's not that I don't like talking on the phone....it's just with a very select few.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, February 2, 2008 - 10:32 PMWell, that's interesting..
I'm an ENFP and I'm constantly checking my phone for text messages and missed calls...
If it's too silent too long, I pick it up and make a call or send a text...
I'm probably the one you guys are avoiding :P
I dated a guy once who was somewhat quite (and recently tested as an INFJ), but he just wasn't prompt in answering his phone.... or replying to text messages. However, it was okay because he wasn't rude about it. He did eventually reply and I understood that if I just gave it time, he would respond...
Hope everyone is well here and take care! -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Thu, February 7, 2008 - 8:18 AMHi
I know the jarring thing only too well. I tend to descend into my own headspace when concentrating or focussed on something and the phone, doorbell etc just throws me totally.
When i was working in an office and we had to take turns answering the phone as the receptionist was gone it was something i dreaded doing.
M -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, February 16, 2008 - 4:21 PMI turned off the ringer.... it's just a telemarketer anyways. Anyone I want to talk to has my cell.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Mon, March 17, 2008 - 3:00 AMFor me, the phone is a source of awkwardness mainly. I'm often at a loss for words on the phone even though I have tons I want to say. I used to dread it but now dread might be too strong a word. Dislike is still a good one though. I feel communication flows way better in person for me and I feel more comfortable because I can *read* people better through eye contact and non-verbal communication, and I can communicate this easier as well. It just feels more natural.
That said, I'll tolerate the phone if I can't see someone in person. But I always feel self-conscious if I'm the one making the call, or the one leaving a voice mail. If the other person is calling me, it's easier.
Also, I dread making business related calls or asking people for favors over the phone, -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Mon, May 19, 2008 - 8:26 AMThe ringing sound always makes my heart race...I do dread it in some ways. The only times i truly feel like answering is if a boy I like is calling.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Wed, May 21, 2008 - 2:42 PMOh my goodness that is so true for me. I would rather pass the phone to my husband than answer it. -
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Re: the dreaded phone
Sat, May 31, 2008 - 7:50 AMI can relate! I don't mind if people call me (my phone stays on vibrate though) but I really HATE calling other people, and generally I don't like talking on the phone much. For me it is the same as another poster said above- I feel like I can't communicate properly because I can't see them. I'm amazed at extroverts who consider it antisocial to email/sms instead of phoning- to me it is the opposite- I really don't like being interrupted, the noise disturbs me and when put on the spot my mind usually goes blank anyway.
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Re: the dreaded phone
Thu, December 18, 2008 - 8:06 AMI screen my calls like nobody's business.
Phone calls= small talk.
Me and small talk to do not mix. I would rather write an email, because I like the chance to think about what I'm going to say.
Plus, the phone always catches me off guard. I don't even get the chance to prepare for the conversation by knowing the caller is present.
Also the phone is very distracting. I'm very intuned to peoples expressions and mannerisms, so it's hard for me to concentrate when I just have to sit down and stare at the ceiling.
