What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

topic posted Mon, December 4, 2006 - 8:59 AM by  Unsubscribed
Hi everyone!

It would be interesting to know what personality types tend to become your friends and why.

Looking back over the years me and the following types seem to be drawn to each other:

INFJ's - Yes, I love people that are just like me.

INFP's - I guess it's obvious why. They are peaceloving, sensitive, can have a very quirky and creative way of thinking but still be objective if necessary. And we INFJ's are on the eternal mission to get them organised!

ESFP's - Somehow ESFP's seem to feel drawn to me although our friendships normally lack depth. I like their extroverted side, they can make the first contact with people while I deepen the ensuing relationships. They are also loads of fun to be around.
Most of the time I connect with them through my feeling side, in this area we are on the same wavelength.
However they are not the best listeners and tend to give too simplistic advice so I normally don't share my problems with them. I also often feel like I can't be myself, I have to hide my crazy, intuitive side since they just don't seem to understand it. As i said, superficial friendships.

ESFJ's - Similar to the ESFP's, they are just not as flighty. We can communicate our feelings easily but I have difficulty sharing more abstract things and get restless and annoyed with them. Also here the friendship has its limits.

ISFJ's - They are so caring! And reliable! And kind! And loyal! I had some lovely ISFJ friends over the years. Again here the N is missing and sometimes I feel like I can't make them understand my way of thinking but they are some of the best friends a person can have. We should definitely keep them around.

ENFJ - I had one ENFJ friend but she unfortunately left the country. I love them because they are as organized, caring and weird as we are but they are extroverted and it's easy to get to know people with them. I would like more ENFJ's in my life but sometimes I just admire them from afar.

INTJ - I love them as long as they have a developed feeling side. They are brilliant and a real inspiration, they can think around corners but are not as swayed by emotions as we are. I love to talk to them as long as they have some people skills.

I realised that my good friends always tended to be feelers, I hate the thought of having somebody as a friend who can't emphasize with me if I'm hurting.
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  • Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

    Mon, December 4, 2006 - 9:45 AM
    Most of my best friends have been other INFJ's or INFP's, with a handfull of NT's. I get along well with SP's and SJ's, but generally those friendships don't have the same "depth" as with the other NF's. Still, they're fun to be around because they get our heads out of the clouds and out the door to go and *do* something ;)
  • Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

    Tue, December 5, 2006 - 11:09 AM
    Most of my close friends these days (post my period of just becoming friends with ANYone who said "wanna be friends?") are fellow INFJs, with a smaller number of INFPs.

    I find NTs very interesting, and very informative, but in the long run I find that their tendency to intellectualize everything (for example, several NT friends I have had were "experts" on feelings, and could "describe" what they felt, while not actually *feeling* anything) and their emotional detachment distressing.

    I've had a small number of ENFP/ENFJ friends, but their energy levels exhaust me, except in very small doses.

    • Unsu...

      Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

      Fri, March 16, 2007 - 11:30 PM
      Ah...interesting thoughts on the NT personality...I will look out for those characteristic tendencies..
      I'm ok with E's as long as it's one on one...a whole group of them makes me feel exhausted and invisible.
  • Kim
    offline 0

    Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

    Thu, December 7, 2006 - 5:29 PM
    I just find it amazying you can figure out what all your friends are! I know my husband is an ENTP, but I struggle to decide what the rest of my friends are. E or I is easy. It's the rest I can't figure out.
    • Unsu...
      Yeah, I agree with you...E or I is easy to figure out. The rest I'd have to study a bit more to determine.

      My closest friends aren't really E or I exclusively. They tend to be either shy or loners at times, and perfectly outgoing at others, which is why we get along so well. They don't mind--and seem to rather like--my reservedness and depth, and I get to constantly meet new people through them. :) Actually, these are all guy friends...the few close female friends I've had in my adult life (3, to be exact) were/are a lot like I am, though not entirely.
  • Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

    Thu, February 22, 2007 - 2:01 PM
    ENFP - Relationship of similar interest, correction, and understanding. (Functional mirror.) Mine have been meaningful and intense. However, it requires taking care not to burn out on social interactions when your ENFP friend has too many parties to invite you to. On the other hand, if you merely assert your desire for a more intimate group setting from time to time, the ENFP often obliges, as they are empathetic people too. Moreover, they seem to gain from your one on one interactions as much as you do. I find progressing from one on one to larger social groups works well to balance life too.

    ENFJ - Relationships of comparison, similar interest, and activity. My friends are usually ridiculously sweet (women) or ridicuously playful and teasing (men). A mature ENFJ helps me understand my Fe better and how to handle my over-reactions. I can usually help ENFJ's sort through complex inner issues. Fun people to do almost any activity with, but can be difficult to get to know as you sometimes have to cut through the masks of jokes and niceties.

    ISFJ - Relationships of contrast and similar attitude. Sweetest people I know, men or women. "There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart." (Jane Austin, Emma) They love service, people, feelings, and the like as much or more than I do. Sometimes it can be difficult to communicate; however, being that I am so abstract. However, if you work to communicate on the same level with intentionality, it can be achieved nicely, albeit you will use energy (and in some cases where the person is extremely introverted, I play the extravert to the point of exhaustion since they listen as well or better than I do). All in all, ISFJ's are definitely people you can count on and hold a warm place in my heart.
    • Unsu...

      Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

      Fri, March 16, 2007 - 11:35 PM
      Thanks for this great post! I love your insights. I do love the funtional mirror aspect of the INFJ / ENFP relationship. But you think and ENFP can ever truly understand and INFJ? I guess I'm basically referring to an extrovert trying to understand an introvert...
  • Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

    Fri, February 23, 2007 - 6:37 PM
    I wouldn't even begin to put my friends in catagories such as INFJ or others.... I think there is a side to even your closest friends you may never see that might be a bigger part of who they are than the person you think you know. Only they'd know what they are from taking the same test we took.

    so I will have to describe my current freinds. long term, in a more prosaic kind of way...

    since 1986- Frank- Definately OCD, owns his own tech service company and doing well, likes very expensive sport sedans. Has a screened in pool that he's made into a sort of Tiki-bar complete with lougne music. Very good Jazz drummer. We did the whole high school friendship thing of cruising around in the car looking for a group of young women in town, American Graffiti style, but we were hopelessly unsmooth about it and our cars were so not-hot.

    since 1989- Jean- Gothette Satanist turned into Panatheist animal rights granola type after moving from Jersey to seattle. She actually had a sexual affair with anton le vey's daughter. We took most of our art classes and elementary ed major classes together. She's an amazingly cool and kitchy combo of voracious literacy and trailer trashyness so that when one spends time with her it's like stepping into a John Waters film. Never a dull moment, or dull conversation either.

    Since 1990- Christine. Turned out a very close freind. Trash-glam, almost a Debbie Harri kind of personna, or maybe the redhead from the B-52's. Totally has a heart of gold. We hit the club scene most often, and she always had the personality that got both of us at the exclusive parties behind the velvet rope. We ended up both doing club promotions for a while. She's back in college for an elementary ed degree after trying to get serious and do corperate work which just didn't fit her. I think she'll be good with kids. I have a feeling she is getting back together with a Goth/Industrial DJ she fell for and dated for years. She has "got religion" but not obnoxiously, it's actually seems to do her some good.

    Since 2001- Tom. Seriously OCD. Also a very good drummer. Was born into priveledge in a very affluent family but partied, never finished college. Not stupid though, just nihilistic. Once small time coke dealer in the country club set, uses a bit himself, while he works now at a managerial level for a construction company. Amazingly refined tastes in music, art, food, and furnature. Mean sense of humor but can take it as well as he dishes it out so I'm mean to him too... but it's all in fun... sitcom humor. Oddly enough he is a recluse, preferring all of his freinds to visit him at his apartment but uncomfortable going other places, almost phobic of "going out" perhaps. 45 and doesn't seem to care if he's going to be a bachelor for the rest of his life or not, seems to have passed by a lot of women he liked and dated in search of a perfection not to be found in anyone... or maybe just someone he would not have to compromise at all for that he's very set in his ways and routine... as I said it may not be his fault as he is very OCD. Makes an amazing stoli martini.

    Since 2002- Yoshi (not his name, to hide his identity)- Latin King, proud father, a dealer, Stong sense of unconditional loyalty to friends who look out for him. Catholic and struggling with giving up his lifestyle and going for something more stable. Amazing weed. Extremely bright, not very educated but can apply accute street smarts to politics or any other subject to gain some pretty good insights. We almost had a fight over a misunderstanding once where no one watching us was sure if either one of us was going to kill the other we can both get and look so mad. But we both know how to think when we are really mad, so we resolved everything without either backing down, and without violence. Violence is for the inarticulately stupid, and neither he nor I fit that bill. Like me, forgives and moves on easily without a grudge for people he considers trustworthy.

    Since 2005- Tehara... I think she may be the love of my life. Type A personality (I'm definately a relaxed type B) but has very similar ideas as to what's right or wrong, similar values, even from our extremely different backgrounds and circles of friends. Muscian adept at both classical and bluegrass music on several instruments. Former elementary school teacher. Budding IT project manager. Bellydancer. Great mom doing a great job of raising her daughter. Moving to Texas to be with her, hope to get my house on the market soon so I can sell it. After a long time of just freindship on the web, an unexpected chance to see her in Dallas led to a romance I just cant pass up.

    Anyone want to do a similar breakdown/ description of their friends and see if there is a pattern?
  • Unsu...

    Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

    Fri, March 16, 2007 - 11:26 PM
    How do you know what type everybody is? I've found that most people don't know and more amazingly, don't care to much to know...
    I think it's fun to really get to know someone and try and figure it out on your own...although I guess most people wouldn't like that I'm "analyzing" or "typing" them...
    • azalea: "although I guess most people wouldn't like that I'm "analyzing" or "typing" them..."

      People are kind of funny about that. There's a perception that a personality type is some kind of all-encompassing inescapable box, when really all it is is a sort of of vague sort of description, like a crayon color. You can describe pretty much anything with the colors in a Crayola 16 pack, but it won't be an exact description. That's not a big problem, since most of the time you can get away with just saying something is "blue". Same way with personality types.

      If you tell someone you're trying to decide if they're an ENFJ or an ENTJ and they get all upset. If you tell the same person you're trying to decide if their hair is blonde or sandy brown they have no problem with it. Go figure.
  • Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

    Sat, July 28, 2007 - 11:02 AM
    I think this is a very interesting topic. We just studied Myers-Briggs in one of my grad school classes. Since then I've become a little obsessed with it. We took it in high school and I was an INFJ and now, so many years later, when we took it as a class, I once again was an INFJ. So I decided to have a few of my friends and my husband take it. It was interesting to find that three of the five friends of mine who took the online version are INFJ's (so is my mom, incidentally). It's interesting, considering that, supposedly, INFJ's are the least common type. All of these friends are caring and enjoy having deep conversations - I feel completely myself with them. And these friendships have all lasted since at least eighth grade (and I even recall from high school that my best friend then, who I'm still in touch with, though she lives far away, was an INFJ too). I guess "birds of a feather..."

    Another of my good friends turned out to be an ENFJ. She's also sweet, caring, and especially creative (more so than many of my other friends) but more social (just like they say ENFJ's are).

    Another friend is an ISFJ, which makes sense because she's always watching out for everyone's feelings, trying to do what's right, and holds onto her friendships tenaciously (we've been friends since third grade). She's always the one who will call weekly to check in on people. She's also very sensible and finds my "wackiness" a little odd (though she accepts it as part of who I am).

    My husband, as it turns out, is an ENTP. He's quite clever and loves to laugh. He doesn't give much credence to Myers-Briggs, though, and thinks I'm becoming a little too obsessed with it (he's probably right there). He doesn't even really like to to talk about Myers-Briggs, actually. He said, "I don't like naval-gazing," which made me feel a little self-absorbed. Still, he's a warm, caring, fun, accepting, wonderful guy. His extroversion is helpful for me - gets me out of the house. It seems like every weekend he's got birthday parties (which is funny because my ISFJ friend is always saying, "aren't we a little old to be having birthday parties?), dinners, etc.

    Anyway, sorry for the blathering - I'm just so fascinated with this whole typing thing and was thrilled to find this website.
    • TK
      offline 0

      Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

      Thu, August 9, 2007 - 8:06 PM
      This is an interesting question, as I have all sorts of different friends, however my closest friends have been INxx types. But for some reason, I really get along well with ESTPs (there's something about a ESTP that draws me in like flypaper). I prefer P types to J types because Ps are easier to boss around (that sounds terrible, but it's true) Js can really get on my nerves, except for other INFJs. My bestest friends have been ESFPs, INFJs, INFPs, INTPs, and ESTPs.
  • Re: What kind of friends do INFJ's tend to have?

    Tue, January 1, 2008 - 7:48 PM
    Wow, where are you all finding these other INFJs? They seem to be hard to find. Anyway I'm usually drawn to ENFPs, ESFPs, INTJs, INTPs and INFPs...I'd say the other NF types are the strongest relationships, while the TJs tend to give me food for though in good conversation.