http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90?format=rss Tribe.net. Local Connections http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#a0e8e6f7-b86e-498a-8159-ab92982ac0c6 I feel faint just at the mention of it........ Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:37:22 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#a0e8e6f7-b86e-498a-8159-ab92982ac0c6 $item.owner.firstName 2009-07-15T20:37:22Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#f9ff91cb-a10e-4753-8c78-c479c00c666d Thank you, Tamagochi, this is a helpful re-frame for public speaking. It reminds me of how uncomfortable I get when a speaker talks about being embarrassed and starts apologizing as soon as they get up to speak. I just realized that one of the reasons I get uncomfortable is that I was focusing my energy on their successful presentation and now it is a bit harder to hold that same focus. Sat, 16 May 2009 22:23:55 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#f9ff91cb-a10e-4753-8c78-c479c00c666d Michelle 2009-05-16T22:23:55Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#cf97045d-61ca-4212-b59b-b87ada4c9886 Hi, it's nice to hear, that you did alright ;) Actually if you’re an INFJ you’re probably using extraverted feelings more than you’re aware of. I take it from my experience. At school the hardest part when delivering a speech for me was fear of rejection. I was overwhelmed by possibilities – of how would people react, would they judge me, will I look appropriate. I wasn’t worried about the content nearly half as much. But if I look at it from a distance – the nervousness I was experiencing was precisely extraverted feelings at work :) Except that it was going backwards by diminishing my self-esteem instead of bolstering. It took me some time to learn how to turn this thing around. The best piece of advice that I received and can pass on is this: you must believe that your audience wants YOU to succeed!!! It’s a very powerful reframing technique that makes a lot of sense to extraverted feelings. Remember yourself sitting in an audience – most of the times you actually WANT the speaker to be interesting, captivating, entertaining etc. You give him/her the credit of success before the presentation and you hope (sometimes vainly) that the speaker will deliver. Before this realization it was hard for me to look into people’s eyes during public appearance, because I was fearful to find glares of disapproval. Now I scan faces to find signs of approval instead :) When I see one, a positive emotional contact is made and I can feel my self-esteem rise automatically because of that. It’s a very satisfying experience for me – during my speech I can find more and more approving signs and it keeps me constantly on the rise. I came to enjoy public speaking – something I would have never thought possible before, because of my introverted nature. I hope you can enjoy it too ;) A few more words on people who prefer introverted feeling – they use a very different strategy from what I experience. Their success in speaking comes from the ability to mute public interference in their heads. I have tried using it myself, but it was too difficult (I would need to stare off to some spot behind the audience) and just didn’t give me any satisfaction. Sat, 16 May 2009 12:42:30 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#cf97045d-61ca-4212-b59b-b87ada4c9886 Tamagochi 2009-05-16T12:42:30Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#8da657d6-8b97-452d-998b-389701b74055 I'm glad to hear you made it, otter1! After you've survived the first one then next one is just a little bit easier. The more you do it, the better you get and the easier it gets. I do it all the time, but I still get nervous every time. Nervous is normal. Mon, 04 May 2009 20:15:42 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#8da657d6-8b97-452d-998b-389701b74055 Waylon 2009-05-04T20:15:42Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#5ead02e6-2bc7-40eb-bc52-8e2f60ebb178 great! Thanks Waylon for taking the time to give those tips. The walking around sounds too complicated...I think I will start with the hands maybe! I am a terrible story-teller...but I can usually work in some witty comments. I did a presentation the other day and it was not too nerve-racking...I was proud of myself! Fri, 24 Apr 2009 23:31:08 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#5ead02e6-2bc7-40eb-bc52-8e2f60ebb178 Rachel 2009-04-24T23:31:08Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#89b93af2-a05f-47fd-8804-5a800f3f0720 Yes! Never call attention to the fact that you're nervous. Odds are no one but you will be bale to tell if you don't say anything. One other thing I thought of: an occasional pause is better than "uh" and "um". I used to play a game with kids called the "uh-um" game. You break into two teams (we'll call them A and B). Team A chooses a topic, and then a member of team B has to talk about that topic for 60 seconds (or 120 seconds, or whatever) without pausing for more than two seconds and without saying "uh" or "um". If the person on team B is successful, then team B gets a point. If they fail, then team A gets the point. The team B picks a topic for team A, etc. The game is amazingly hard at first, but with practice you get better. It's the easiest way I know to become more aware of when you use those distracting verbal pauses and to get out of the habit. Best of all for us introverts is that if you don't mind talking to yourself you can practice by yourself with just a dictionary (pick a word at random and then talk about it) and a stopwatch. It sounds silly, but it works. Mon, 20 Apr 2009 18:41:55 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#89b93af2-a05f-47fd-8804-5a800f3f0720 Waylon 2009-04-20T18:41:55Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#5b695b2e-07fd-458e-ba74-f6c73fd9f4da What wonderful tips Waylon! I fully agree although I never thought to use hand gestures - I'll have to see if I do that naturally. I usually only talk to small groups so maybe I do inadvertently use them. The practice, practice, practice really is important to me and I use a lot of visuals and story. Also, I've found that I'm less nervous with all the practice but even if I am a little nervous I try to make sure I never mention it as it can make people feel uncomfortable, thus affecting the energy they send back to you. Sat, 18 Apr 2009 03:57:37 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#5b695b2e-07fd-458e-ba74-f6c73fd9f4da Michelle 2009-04-18T03:57:37Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#b4df26c0-b51f-4f11-be2d-1f015b9e6d0d I've had to do quite a lot of public speaking, so I can share what works for me more or less in order of effectiveness. First, I am not an ad-libber. I do not speak extemperaneously. I cannot "just wing it." If I try, I'll stand there awkardly and say a lot of stupid things and it'll be incoherent. Instead, I have to be heaviliy scripted. I have to work out *exactly* what I'm going to say in advance and memorize, memorize, memorize and practice, practice, practice until I can say the entire thing to myself in the mirror without excessive pausing to try to remember what I'm supposed to say next. If I already know exactly what I'm going to say verbatim then the experience is a lot less stressful. Brief pauses (under 2 seconds) now and then are a good thing, though. Especially after you've said something important. Give it a second to sink. Second (no pun), I've found that I like to tell stories. I'm also pretty good at it. If I have to speak in public, then I try to find a way to make it into a story. Stories hold the audience's attention pretty well, so people are likely to think of you as a "good speaker" afterwards. I then become a lot more confortable in front of everyone because I'm doing something I know I can do: telling a story. If at all possible, make it a funny story, then people like you even more. Humor helps makes you more confortable, too, and cuts a lot of the tension. It's best if you can make the stories personal, too. Third, look up at people. I know, it's tough. Eye contact with a few people is best, but if that's stressful you can fake it. Every now and then just look around. Sweep your eyes over the whole crowd. If you look up towards the right one time, the next time glance up towards the left. Just make sure that you've looked in the general direction of everyone in the audience at least once. Half the time I don't even see anyone in the crowd, it's just a blur that I look over without actually seeing anyone. However, it works because people just sort of assume you're looking at someone else, so it gives the impression that you are making eye contact with the crowd. 90% as effective as the real thing. Raise your eyebrows now and then and try to make your face expressive, too. Fourth, you've gotta use those hands. I know, it seems weird. Practice gestures in the mirror. If nothing else, when you say something about yourself, place a hand on the middle of your chest. When you say something about other people, make a sweeping movement over the entire audience. Raise your index finger and point up when you're making a point. Wag it a little bit if there's something funny you can say about the point, too. Try to keep your hands open (not clenched, unless you're deliberately making a fist to emphasize a strong point), and never have both hands in your pockets. Finally, if you aren't nailed down to a microphone, move around. Take two steps in one direction, stand there a moment, then take a couple steps back to where you started. Mix up the directions. Put it all together: If you gesture to the left with your left hand, glance to the left, and take a step or two to the left. Once your body is facing left, raise your right hand and gesture with both hands, then do the same thing to the right. Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:03:23 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#b4df26c0-b51f-4f11-be2d-1f015b9e6d0d Waylon 2009-04-17T14:03:23Z http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#33fb9173-de0b-4f02-8628-3ff3a79ba6ff In light of an upcoming class presentation, I thought I'd ask if anyone had any type-specific tips for public speaking. I know all the generic ones, but also find that doing something totally against your natural instincts (like using my hands a lot, which I just don't do) only leads to feeling phony and more nervous. I figure there must be a way to purposefully use Extraverted Feeling to help out a presentation...but how? Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:49:30 GMT http://infj.tribe.net/thread/f283ec0b-4c69-4f53-9dfd-ced7740e5e90#33fb9173-de0b-4f02-8628-3ff3a79ba6ff Rachel 2009-04-16T18:49:30Z